A Look at Her Reality

Based on a true story…

Sweating profusely after finishing her morning workout, she looked at her reflection in the full-length mirror of her bedroom. She grimaced as she acknowledged that her reflection was her worst enemy lately. She hated who she saw.

Here we are again, she sighed, defeated. Who is this? It cannot be me, she assured herself. But much to her chagrin, it was her. It was really, what was left of her. Anyone dealing with a situation like hers would find themselves quickly facing the same reality.

She was never like this. She was always skinny and fairly athletic. Her brown eyes were full of life and her hair full and shiny. There was always a gleam in her eyes; she was happy and felt secure. She never realized that she took all of that for granted. That just in a snap everything that she held dear would become jeopardized.

This is what stress does to you, she told herself. Stress is the silent killer.

She hated who she saw. It was not the ambitious, smart, and persevering person she always identified with. Today she was just looking at a survivor. At someone who was barely holding on to that. At someone who lost their juju; someone who in the middle of their desperation had lost herself.

Looking at her reflection, there were now bags under her eyes from sleepless nights and bursts of anxious episodes. Sighing aloud, she remembered last night, like all nights, around 3am she woke up after a series of nightmares that made it almost impossible to go back to sleep. Everything that she feared and did not acknowledge would haunt her dreams. There was no more defined jawline that she could see as the emotional eating was finally getting the best of her. Looking down towards her waistline, she frowned. She had gained a few inches around her waist. The hourglass figure that she used to appreciate was essentially gone. And, to complete her state of panic, her beautiful full and shiny hair had started falling out a few months ago. Now her lackluster hair had drastically thinned and each strand that fell would make her heart sink. Frightened and horrified by the mere fact that even her hair was not spared from this entire ordeal, she began taking supplements and changed her shampoo to prevent the issue from worsening. It was honestly a moot point. The only way to stop her body's reaction was to bite the cause in the bud.

Stop the problem from the source, separate from the main cause of anxiety. And yet, she could not do that. So many people depended on her to help them and be their caretakers. It would be inhumane to abandon them. If she does, she would not be able to live with herself. How can anyone live with themselves knowing that they abandoned their family in a time of crisis?

There was no doubt about it that her life had taken a rough turn. Both of her parents in the span of half a year were diagnosed with terminal illnesses. Her already disabled grandmother suffered a heart attack and a stroke within months from each other. The stroke was caused by a recommended doctor who wanted money out of her insurance and committed malpractice. It is not even worth getting started talking about the lawyers.

She had no siblings to assist her with this and she felt inherently alone. There was an arguable sense of community to support her, mostly those people seeing the same distraught and pained image that she looked at the moment. They would all say to stay positive and that things would get better. They would tell her that she just has to deal with this until this horrible chapter of her life was complete.

When was the universe planning on completing this chapter? There is not much more that she can tolerate. She was hitting a breaking point.

After almost two years since her father’s diagnosis, she received the hard news from his doctors, where they were clear that there is likely a year, maybe two, left in his life. She was literally watching him wither away and there was nothing she could do to stop it. As someone who was a dedicated problem solver, she found herself hitting a wall with a problem that she could not fix.

She manned the ship when her mother needed her surgery to complete a double mastectomy. Since then, her mother’s recovery had been positive, and the doctors expect a cancer-free result in about five years. Five years with no issues is something that she can bear. She prayed every night for those eventless five years. There is always a concern since her mother is dealing with the same as she, if not worse.

Feeling the pain radiate from her heart to her wrists, she tore her gaze from her reflection in the full-length mirror. Sulking about her appearance would not fix any issues. She had to be strong and fight to keep whatever she can. She had to be clear of mind to deal with this. This was ultimately war, and she was a soldier. She made her way from her bedroom mirror, feeling as if when she turned away, her reflection was still staring right back at her in sadness.

Making her way to the kitchen, she pulled out a premade salad kit from the refrigerator. Grabbing a plate, she began to prepare her meal. What she really wanted was an endless amount of carbs, but she knew better. There were so many illnesses that stem from stress, and honestly, that would just be icing on her already melting cake.

Today was another day of appointments and discussions with doctors. Today was another day that she needed to fight for her family. Today was another day where she felt like a hamster stuck in a wheel that led to nowhere. She was treading water, and she was barely keeping her head up.

Today is another reminder that it is all simply a race against time.