Tassia's Shame

     “Speak now!” Rick shouted at his daughter, Tassia.

     “Rick, don’t!” Jane pleaded in an effort for Rick to soften his temperament.

     “I’ll handle this, Jane!”

     “Nothing happened, ok!” Tassia shouted.

     “You’re nothing but trash; you know that?  Sit down!” Rick demanded. 

     “Rick, don’t say that!” Jane insisted.

     “He just followed me home. I was with Darla, and she met her boyfriend. They wanted to do something on their own. I met Chad earlier, and he agreed to follow me home to know where I live. He’s a nice guy.”

     “You know that you’re to be home early with my car. It’s almost one in the morning!” Rick shouted. 

     “Dad, I’m nineteen.” Tassia was crying.

     “Oh honey, we worry about you. You just returned from Memphis just two weeks ago. Your father and I don’t want you to get in trouble anymore,” Jane reasoned.

     “How can I get pregnant again! I only had the baby six weeks ago! I should have never given it up for adoption!  I’ll never forget how you made me give my baby away! It was your grandchild, for heaven’s sake! Your grandbaby!”

    “That’s enough!”  Rick pressed.

    “You’re just worried about your precious standing in church! That’s all you care about!” 

     Rick raised his hand to backhand Tassia but regained his composure and stormed out of the room. 

`

     “He’s a great guy, ma!” Tassia pleaded the following day. “He told me he would be here at seven tonight!”

     “Your dad is still fuming from last night, sweetie. He hardly slept at all. Perhaps another time.”

     “Chad'll be here tonight whether you like it or not!” 

     “Your father just thinks it’s just too soon to be seeing anyone, Tassia honey. It hasn’t even been two months! Please, don’t do this.”

     Tassia stormed out of the dining room and slammed her bedroom door. She sat on the edge of her bed and pondered the living hell that life had thrown at her the past year.

     She was carefree upon graduating from high school and having the time of her life of summer concerts and parties. She looked forward to living in a college dorm and joining a sorority. She just wanted to have some fun first. She had met Stan at a party. He had good manners, was articulate in his speech, and had an excellent job for a large firm that allowed him to travel to various regional divisions.  Although she had known him briefly, he would surprise her with rose bouquets and romantic greeting cards. The morning of his last road trip, he gave her a gold necklace with a heart-shaped charm.

      Tassia didn’t understand how she could have been pregnant since she was on the pill and never missed taking it. She and Stan had become very close ever since they first met two months prior, despite the road trips for his job. It was thoughtful how he would drive over forty miles from his home in another city, to be with her when he was not on the road. Being apart for most of the week made their time together that much more special, but for Tassia, it was never enough. He would often see her only for a day, at different times, and be gone again. He worked so hard. She thought he would be thrilled about her pregnancy and was excited about breaking the great news to him. She visualized what the moment would be like when she would finally tell him. She imagined the perfect setting over dinner, at a nice restaurant, where they always dined on Friday evenings. It had not been her plan to be married with a baby so soon, but it would be with Stan! It was only Wednesday, and she counted the minutes until they would meet on Friday. He promised he would be with her for the whole weekend! 

     Stan called from a payphone to tell Tassia that he was in town and would be in the restaurant in fifteen minutes. She excitedly said she could be there in less than five minutes to get a good table and tell him the great news, she thought.

     Tassia sat patiently at the dining table when Stan entered. She jumped up and hurriedly walked over to greet him and lead the way back to their table. They sat across from each other, holding hands and gazing into one another’s eyes. 

     Tassia had repeatedly gone over the colorful ways to announce her expectancy in her mind. However, when the moment arrived, she simply and unceremoniously said, “Stan, I’m pregnant.”

     Stan let go of her hand, and his smile dropped. “Who’s the lucky guy?” He replied nervously.

     “Stan! Oh, Stan, honey. It’s your baby. You know it’s your baby.” She waited for him to speak, but he just stared in shock. “Stan, I’m pregnant with your child!” 

     “This is unexpected, Tassia. We should have discussed this.”

     “I didn’t get pregnant on purpose. I didn’t trick you. It just happened. Aren’t you pleased, Stan? Please, tell me you’re happy about this, Stan.”

     “Of course I am,” Stan lied. He swallowed hard and struggled for words. “How far along are you?” 

     When Tassia missed her period, she drove to the free clinic in a neighboring community, where nobody knew her. “Two months. It must have been after our first time. It takes two to tango!” She giggled nervously. 

     Stan’s mind was racing. He thought of his wife and two young daughters at home.  He had been cleaver or thought he was. He never revealed his real name to Tassia or where he lived. He tried not to panic. He put on his best game face. “Well, this is certainly a reason to celebrate!” He said with a fake smile.

     Tassia squealed with relief and excitement. “We’re going to be so happy! The three of us!” 

     He labored to conceal his panic. I must think! He thought. The sight of Tassia suddenly disgusted and terrified him. Stan wanted to be anywhere else but there, and all he could think of was to get away. “We have so much to talk about and planning to do! I’ve been holding my bladder the entire trip and must go to the men’s room. Don’t plan anything until I get back!”

     “Hurry up, sweetie!” Tassia chirped.

     Fortunately, the men’s restroom was across the restaurant’s dining room and next to the exit. Neither was visible from their table. I’ll walk naturally toward the restroom and then leave. Stan’s thoughts raced with panic. 

     What should have been the best evening of Tassia’s life became her worst. In Stan’s abandonment, she became tormented with humiliation and despair in the following hours and days. She soon would have to reveal her pregnancy to her parents. She knew her mother would eventually understand after recovering from the initial shock, Tassia hoped. Her dad would never accept it or forgive her. After all, he was Rick King, who took great pride in his moral and leadership standing in the community. He was obsessively protective of it. He was an Elder and on the board of Trustees of the largest congregation in the county.  He was also a past President of the Noon Rotary club.

     For Tassia, telling her parents about her pregnancy was frightening and beyond shameful for her and her family. However, she had no recourse. Then one afternoon, while she was alone, she went into the bathroom and contemplated giving herself an abortion but couldn’t go through with it.  

     The weeks had passed, and her belly was beginning to swell. She was hoping that Stan would call, but he never did. She waited until her father left for work. She sat at the kitchen table studying her mother as she washed breakfast dishes. 

     “Ma, I need to talk to you.”

     “What is it, dear?” Jane responded without turning around and then heard the mournful sounds of Tassia weeping. 

     The days, weeks, and months following Tassia’s announcement to her parents were nightmarish.  Through the church and the discretion of the other elders, Rick arranged for his daughter to live with a married couple from Chicago until she gave birth. 

     While Tassia was away, Rick hired a detective agency to find the baby’s father. It was quickly revealed, by the agency, that the father’s name was not Stan. The agency discovered that his real name was Larry Walden, a married man with two children. 

     Jacob Goldstein of Schapiro, Weinstein, and Goldstein, Attorneys at Law, offered an ultimatum for Walden to sign adoption papers or be forced to pay child support. After vehemently denying he was the father, Walden conceded, chose the former, and signed the papers.

     The memory haunted Tassia. The pressures she endured from her scornful parents, especially her father, and the events that followed tormented her. The months she lived with the couple while waiting for her pregnancy to come to term and the eventually forced adoption were unbearable.  She wanted to keep her baby girl. Upon birth, she wasn’t even allowed to hold Priscilla. That was the name Tassia had chosen, but the adoptive parents would decide her real name. Their identity, along with the baby’s legal name and her new residence, would forever be kept from Tassia.

      The only remembrance of her baby was a wallet-size photo taken the day she was born. Tassia would hold the image in her hand, next to her heart, as she cried herself to sleep at night.