A Little Lost and a Little Found

*Author's note: Wholesome short about being at Pride for the first time. There's not much of an actual plot. Just a little something fun to get ready for June.*

The sun beats down on us, arms already slick with sweat as we arrive at the vast park downtown. It is almost the end of June in Florida which means Alex is passing around the bottle of sunscreen they always carry in their oversized bag. Out of solidarity with Alex, I slather some all over my exposed arms and legs even though it would take hours in the sun for me to burn the way Alex does in ten minutes. Alex readjusts their They/Them pronoun pin from last year’s Pride on their rainbow tank top and pushes back their short red curls back with a bandana. Stephanie refuses the bottle, shaking her head. She doesn’t even try to humble Alex. She makes a point in telling us she was made for the sun.

I hand back the bottle and we stand there taking each other in. I already feeling sticky and disgusting before we have even done anything. 

“Are you ready to experience your first Pride, Mira?” Alex asks. I shift nervously, thumbing the straps of my backpack. Alex and Stephanie have been going to Pride since they were in high school. I felt like I didn’t belong, so I never asked anyone to go with me. I felt too straight to go as someone part of the community and too gay to go as just an ally. I still haven’t figured out if the imposter syndrome is a natural part of being bisexual or if it stems from constantly being questioned about my history like I’m supposed to always carry a pass with me that would offer an acceptable answer. 

“I’m nervous. There’s already too much to look at but we just got here,” I answer. There are booths of art, food, and activities everywhere in the grassy area of the park. By the fountain there are groups of people trying to seek refuge on the park benches barely shaded under the trees. There is cornhole and an embarrassing group of people holding signs saying we are all living in sin being shouted at by a bigger group of people here to enjoy Pride. 

“Don’t look over there,” Alex says grabbing me by the shoulders and swiveling my body so I’m looking at Stephanie instead of the protesters. Alex is now trying to block them out of my view with their body. “This is a safe space.”

“Wait until the parade starts,” Stephanie says laughing. “That’s when the real fun starts.” Her hair is tied into two knots on her head. She’s dressed in the colors of the lesbian flag, incorporating the colors with her eyeshadow and lipstick. Most of her torso is showing and the spray on body glitter glistens on her skin. She looks so beautiful and ready to take on the day. Alex, cool and comfortable. Then there’s me feeling like the outsider. My clothes don’t scream look at me with the muted shades of magenta, purple, and blue that look more like a coincidence than a statement of an identity I am still figuring out. 

We start walking around, grabbing everything that is handed to us as we follow the sound of music blaring from a stage somewhere on the other side of the park. I feel mesmerized by all the different people, outfits, and colors. So many people are walking around holding hands and almost everyone is smiling. I don’t think I have ever been somewhere with so many people where almost all of them looked so happy to be with those around them. I feel less self-conscious as I see more people wearing outfits that make me feel less like I missed the mark for the occasion. But a part of me still feels like someone will ask me what I’m doing here if I stray too far away from Alex and Stephanie.

“Ooh this looks fun,” I say, pulling away from our little line, expecting them to follow me. I bee line toward a pit full of soap bubbles that are bubbling out from all sides of the sectioned off area. There are people laughing and singing as they build shapes out of the bubbles. This is like living out a childhood dream of filling the bathtub with too much soap, turning the bathroom into a castle of bubbles. It’s silly but makes my heart warm up and distracts me from my worries. I turn my attention away from Alex and Stephanie as I wade through the bubbles. Someone smiles at me and puts a crown of bubbles gently on my hair. I return the gesture with a sad little handful of bubbles I grab from a pile next to me. We share a laugh as they continue handing bubbles to everyone they walk by. 

I forget where I am for a while taking in the happiness radiating around me. I can hear the music and smell the food, the outdoors, and the beauty products. I get lost in the moment smiling at everyone who smiles at me. We don’t have to talk or ask questions. We are just all here in this moment together. We made it. We are here. 

I realize Alex and Stephanie are nowhere in sight. There are people all around me but none of them look familiar. I twirl, trying to remember which way I came from, but I feel disoriented. I’m covered in bubbles that now tickle my skin. The mixture of soap, sunscreen, and sweat begin to make my skin crawl. I panic realizing I have never been here before and most likely won’t get a text back from Alex or Stephanie if I send either of them a message. Neither of them checks their phones every five minutes like I do. I have to find them. 

Suddenly someone grabs my hand gently as if to say It’s okay, I’m here, pulling me out of the bubble pit as I try to get out. 

“Raven pronouns she/her,” she says smiling immediately. She has two long braids running down her back and glitter make up dusted across her face. She lets go of my hand and readjusts the trans flag draped across her back. “You looked like you were starting to have a panic attack so I thought you could use some help.”

“Thanks, I’m Mira. Also, she/her. This is my first time at Pride, and I lost my friends after getting distracted by the soap bubbles. I couldn’t help myself,” I say starting to laugh as I calm down. She doesn’t look like she came out of the bubble pit so she must have seen me as they walked by.

“I’m carrying this for my brother Clay while he eats. He’s not the best at multitasking.” Clay is trailing behind her and waves a hand at me with a paper plate in the other and mouth full of fried dough. His glasses slightly fogged up from the heat rising off the funnel cake. 

“I’m here as an ally and supporter,” Raven continues. “And because it’s a lot of fun.” Clay wipes one of his hands off and pulls a few beaded necklaces off from around his neck.

“To match your outfit and make it a little festive,” he says putting a pink, purple, and blue necklace around my neck. 

“We were going to watch them set up the parade cars. Do you want to sit with us before we look for your friends?” Raven asks. I nod and follow them. Happy to be on the quieter side of the park for a few minutes. I already feel better with the breeze coming off the water. The parade vehicles are lined up on a long road that runs through an empty section of the park along the water. A few people are sitting on the stones that look out into the ocean. 

“Look!” Raven shouts as she grabs my hand again to pull me closer to the edge. I tear my eyes away from the parade in progress and see dolphins swimming back and forth. Everyone sitting down exclaims with excitement and brings out their phones to capture the moment. I send a quick blurry picture to Alex and Stephanie hoping they will see it and find me before it’s too late. We sit down in the grass and watch them talking about anything and everything but not once questioning why we are here. The dolphins a wholesome addition to the beauty of everything else around me. 

*

“We finally find you!” I hear Alex exclaim behind me. I turn around to wave Alex and Stephanie over. 

“I made some new friends,” I say smiling at Raven and Clay. 

“I’m so proud of you!” Alex claps as they greet Clay and Raven before sitting down in the grass with us. “Maybe we should lose you more often on our outings. Me and Stephanie clearly aren’t meeting anyone else.”

Stephanie sits down too, her hands full of more stickers, buttons, and bracelets. They both look a little red and a little tired. Alex’s bag stuffed to capacity and powdered sugar is lightly dusted on the front of their shirt, matching Clay. While I was busy being lost from them it looks like they had their own adventure. 

“We befriended Mira. Three of us is plenty but we can make an exception for today,” Stephanie says.

All five of us watch the water, the dolphins having returned into the depths of the ocean. We enjoy the shade of the tree and the quiet until the parade starts. The worries I had when I first arrive might come back, but for now, I can just enjoy the moment being a little lost and a little found.