WINTER WONDERLAND

The world was frozen solid, her fingertips were frozen solid. As she shuffled slowly across the glassy pavement, she noticed that she had been loosening her arms so that the thick coat slipped halfway down her body. The sharp sting of cold air prickling against her delicate skin felt euphoric. She had walked far from home and yet she was exactly where she wished to be... no more yelling, no more screaming, no more monsters, just the simple shock of frosty air and the numbness that trailed closely behind. She was walking faster now, willing the numbness to catch her and hold her. The air pulled her hair back with intimacy as her steps quickened to match the pace of her heart.

Faster, Faster, Faster.

It was in this moment that the coat was an anchor and the heaviness reminded her of the heaviness in her heart. So she let it go, she slipped from the noose of her clothing and she ran faster. The frigid wind gushed towards her whole being with mountainous strength, slamming her back as she slammed forward, no she would not be conquered by wind. She bounded across the cracked asphalt that cried of a broken city and embraced the route of her feet with all the more vigor, overcoming the wind and overwhelming it.

She was a sparkler in the dark, a flame being kindled in the dead of night. Passion surged through her bones like electricity, melting the solid crust of ice that coated every square inch of her skin. Static buzzed in her ears and nipped at the backs of her heels. She was alive and so she ran faster. Redirecting her heart, she realized the ice had left a bigger mark. But she fixed her pondering to the snowy hills and she soon reached them. 

She ran until she was deep into the intricate core of a snowy universe. The destination soaked her in wonder. She turned in a circle steadily, her eyes adjusting in a futile attempt to fully perceive the serene artistry of such a wonderland and she was engulfed by awe. Trees towered above her, jagged branches burst out on every side of the trunks, twisting and splitting in millions of directions. Each thistle was coated in powdery snow and slick ice so that they sparkled when light poured over them. The evening sunlight spilled through branches and illuminated the world of white surrounding her so that it appeared to be vibrating with a warm golden outline. The shadows which normally tormented her, brought immeasurable depth and contrast to every single slice of the scene. The dark shades were an essential and critical part of the site as a whole. The chirps of snow birds and dripping water melted with the natural chorus of the ecosystem and for the first time in her life she felt at peace.

She allowed her neck to rest, drooping her head towards the microscopic shards of ice beneath her. She saw with perfect clarity in that moment, a complete contrast to the blur that she had been seeing through for the entirety of her life. She shifted herself again, swinging her head and body in the direction from which she came. What caught her eye next was alarming, in a world so perfect, something was not quite right. An eerie feeling trickled down her neck as she tried to piece together an explanation. Where were her footprints? Snowfall had not filled them with a fresh white coat, the sky had been clear the whole time. As her uncertainty bubbled up, she heard the static in her ears once again. She took a few forceful steps forward, there was nothing in the snow.

Where was she? Where had she GONE?

In an impulsive movement of exasperation and confusion her hands flew to her chest, attempting to pressure herself into freedom from the anxiety that she assumed would begin to assemble. But at the grasping of her chest, she became aware of something else. Her heart was not beating. She could not feel the warmth or the bump of a thump thump.

At the peak of her realization, the sound of static was reverberating not just in her ears but in her ribcage too. Sluggishly she stumbled backwards, forwards, backwards, and then forwards again. She made no footprints but her body felt as though it was being crushed under the pressure of heavy collision. Her world was not as bright, her vision grew blurry, and her foot was caught in a snare that was bleak. The colors on the walls of her little atmosphere were melting, mixing into one grand collage. Soon her perfect world was an inky pitch black and in the silence the static subsided and as she curled into herself, like a tiny fragment of snow, she felt her heart begin to beat again. In that fragile moment she was launched from the melting black puddle and thrust into an even lonelier embrace, the embrace of a ceramic white room, surrounded by blinding white bright lights. Quick voices and beeping bombarded her ears with sharp stinging and she wanted to hear the songs of birds once again. She felt hands all over her and sharp pricks up her wrists. She felt hot sheets, cold pillows, and soft fabrics. She felt her bare legs and the clenching of hands, the pressing of nails. When awareness hit her, it did so like a brick. She was in a hospital. She was alone. They all kept talking to her. 

“We resuscitated you several times.” They said.

“You almost died.” They said.

“You are lucky to be alive.” They said.

“Do you have family we can call?” They said.

She tried to speak but words would not come and so she rolled to the other side, staring aimlessly at a plain white wall. She was brought back into life and for that she was grateful but she couldn’t help but long to be carried by the wind again and submerged in the painless tranquility of that wonderful winter wonderland.