Conversations with Santa

When I was growing up, I wrote letters to Santa every year before Christmas. But as I got older and more aware, certain events brought up a lot of questions. I didn't think I could ask my parents, so I turned to the next best option — Santa. He knew everything, after all. Over the course of a year, I wrote him a couple of letters. Here's how it went.

April 1976

Dear Santa,

Ever since I can remember, I've looked forward to the time of year when I can write you a letter, telling you that I've been good, listing one or two things I wish for, and asking you to say hello to Mrs. Claus. My brother and I always leave cookies for you and carrots for the reindeer. We even use a special plate that only comes out once a year. I feel lucky to have received many things I wanted in the past several years. I've always believed in you.

Our kitchen has a cutting board that slides out from beneath the counter. One morning, I pulled it out to butter my toast and noticed a couple of strands of plastic grass, just like I had received in a basket accompanied by eggs and candy. It was Easter Sunday.

Because you are always watching, I wanted to ask if you knew how that grass got on the cutting board.

Signed, Confused

Dear Confused,

I got your note and am glad you reached out. I am watching you 99% of the time, but I'm not keeping my usual schedule since Mrs. Claus and I are on vacation. I don't know where the grass came from. I can only assume the bunny dropped some when hopping by.

Love, Santa

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November 1976

Dear Santa,

I lost a tooth on Friday and put it under my pillow for the tooth fairy to take that night. I woke up Saturday morning, looked under my pillow, and my tooth was still there. I know you always come to our house and never have trouble finding it. Plus, you are always on time, visiting our house on Christmas Eve. The Tooth Fairy has been to my house before, so she couldn't have gotten lost. Our family had a party Friday night, leaving the house messy by the end of the night. Did the tooth fairy get lost on her way to my bedroom? Doesn't she know I put my tooth under my pillow last night? I'd ask my parents if they knew about the whereabouts of the tooth fairy, but they are still sleeping.

Signed, Shortchanged

Dear Shortchanged,

I am unfamiliar with the Tooth Fairy's schedule because she is based elsewhere, not the North Pole. I've heard that she isn't on a regular schedule and only visits those who have lost teeth on an as-needed basis. I'm guessing that she has a lot of houses to visit because Halloween trick-or-treating produces a lot of candy, and eating candy, as you may have heard, makes your teeth fall out. I am sure she'll visit your bedroom on her route.

Love, Santa

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March 1977

Dear Santa,

For St. Patrick's Day this year, I built an amazing leprechaun trap with a strawberry basket rigged with a weight on top. I put nuts, carrots, and little bits of wildflowers — all that could fit under the basket trap. I also decorated the path to the trap with gold sprinkles because, since leprechauns are always hunting for gold, they may think the path will lead them to gold. Smart, right? I woke and found the trap was empty of nuts, carrots, and wildflowers. I'm guessing the weight that I left wasn't enough to hold the leprechaun in the trap. Exactly how big and strong are leprechauns anyway?

The leprechaun did leave behind some gold coins filled with chocolate, though, which were yummy. When I finished eating the chocolate, I went to throw away the wrappers and noticed some wildflowers in the trash. My dad quickly emptied the trash, so I couldn't investigate further. How could that leprechaun have gotten away, and why were wildflowers in the trash?

Signed, Wary

Dear Wary,

You sound like a fantastic and creative builder. I have never met a leprechaun, but some elves claim to be distant cousins, and they tell me that leprechauns are very tricky and are known to be wiggly and bendable — leading them to escape the trap easily. And, regarding the wildflowers in the trash, are you sure that is what you saw? Sometimes, our eyes play tricks on us.

Love, Santa

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December 1977

Dear Santa

I was at school the other day, and one of my friends said there is no such thing as Santa. He called you a fake. He didn't provide evidence — just that that he knew for sure Santa wasn't real. Whoever is pretending to be Santa needs to fess up. While you are at it, who is writing all these letters?

Signed, Disappointed

Dear Missy,

We're sorry that someone said this to you about Santa. And, yes, we are Santa. We believe that the magic of childhood is about making moments special. Our parents made moments special when we were kids, and we wanted to continue that tradition. As your parents, we wear many hats. We are Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and yes, we're Leprechauns, too. We love you and hope that you will still find joy in these moments.

Love, Mom and Dad

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March 2025

Dear Santa,

I've chosen to write to you in March because I know you are "just so busy" in the months leading up to The Big Night. My kids are grown now, no longer interested in begging a large man in a red suit to break into our house. I think about you often and how fun it was to believe in you and all the other magical holiday beings. But you know what? I'm tired. And I'm perfectly content watching from the sidelines.

Also, I'd like to thank the universe for my kids being too old for Elf on the Shelf. Who thought that was a good idea? Parents are exhausted enough. Moving a smiling tattle tale around the house every night — and making it creative and entertaining? Wow, that's a lot! I would have left a note that the Elf ran away at some point.

Anyway, keep bringing the magic, Santa. You're the G-O-A-T. But if you really do see everything, can you help me locate some items? Here's the list: missing Tupperware lids, single socks seeking their mate, stolen chargers, and invisible reading glasses. I know all of them were in my house at some point.

Signed,

Retired, But Still Magical