A Dream

Charlie’s favorite thing in the whole world, was the ocean. Although, at the age of ten, she had never been to any ocean, it didn’t matter to Charlie. She dreamed of seeing it one day. The particular ocean didn’t matter, as long as she got to feel the wet sand squish between her toes, splash the salty water, hear the beautiful waves crashing, and see endless water stretching across the horizon. In school, Charlie wrote about the ocean, any chance she got. At any opportunity, she would gladly talk about it to the point that whomever was listening often grew tired of her endless monologues. Her journal that she kept hidden under her mattress, was filled with her dreams of what it might be like to visit one day. 

She lived with her parents, in the Midwest. Her father was disabled and unable to work, which meant that her mother had to support the family on a single income, plus the small disability check that came from the government, for her father. Despite her age, Charlie was well aware that she would probably have to wait for years and years before she ever got to see her precious ocean. She knew that her parents struggled with bills, and hated to make them feel guilty about anything. Charlie was a good daughter, who loved her parents very much. As an only child, she and her parents had an extremely close bond. 

Going on and on about the ocean, and what it must really be like, was something of a hobby for Charlie, until she turned twelve. She was talking to her father, one day after school. She’d been given an assignment to plan the cost of a dream destination, and present it to the class the following week, outlining all the details. Charlie said, “Oh Daddy this has to be the best assignment ever!” He sat in his wheelchair, watching the living room television. The volume was low enough so that they might still have a conversation. He turned towards her, smiling. “I’m glad you’re happy about it, Hon.”

“Happy? Oh Daddy, i’m so excited!”

He laughed. “Alright, I’m glad you’re so excited.”

She went straight to work on her project, with a passion that made both her parents proud. At least, she thought she was making them proud, until she presented her finished project to them.

            Two nights later, after the family finished dinner, Charlie went to her room and pulled out her presentation. She said, “I can’t believe how inexpensive it really is! We could drive, and not fly, which would make the trip even cheaper.” She didn’t expect a response from either of her parents, and was wrapped up in the facts that she’d collected. She went on, “The Pacific Ocean is actually the closest, but hotel costs might be slightly more, depending on which area of the west coast we decided to visit. The east coast might be farther, but cheaper in the long run- potentially.” Charlie was presenting her project to her parents, as if it was a real trip that they were planning on taking. When she finished talking, she finally noticed the looks on her parents’s faces. They both looked like they’d been punched in the gut. Not only that, but seemed to look as if they felt guilty, and couldn’t quite meet her eye. 

            An awkward silence fell over the family, until her mother finally spoke up. “You did a great job, baby.” Her father cleared his throat, then agreed. “Yes, what a lot of work you put into it. We’re proud of your dedication, Hon.” Charlie looked at them, still not liking what she saw. She said, “What is it? What’s wrong?” Her mother and father looked at each other, before her mother said, “Baby, you did such a great job on your project, we just hate for you to get your hopes up.” Charlie started, “Oh no, I- ” Her father cut her off. “We know it’s your dream, Hon, but we just can’t do it. We’re barely able to make ends meet with all these damned medical bills, as it is.” A tear slid down her mother’s cheek, as she said, “I would give you the world, if I could.” Charlie began to cry. She hadn’t meant to make her parents feel like this, at all. She knew her father was always having to go to the hospital, and it hadn’t registered in her brain that her parents might be struggling with money. The idea that her project was real, hadn’t even consciously crossed her mind and she hated herself for making her parents feel like they weren’t good enough. After presenting her project in class, she threw it in the trash. She vowed to herself that she would drop this silly fantasy, and never make her parents feel like they weren’t providing enough for her, again. She would be thankful for all the things that she did have, and one day when she was older, she would find her own way to the ocean.

            Over the next couple of years, Charlie did indeed drop the topic of the ocean. She stopped talking about it, and stopped dreaming about it, even in her own journal. Deep in her heart, she longed for it, but was terrified to talk about it out loud again. She did not want to impose her wants onto her parents, whom she felt had enough struggles of their own. She thought that if they kept hearing her talking about it, it would make them feel even worse about their financial situation, and that was something that Charlie didn’t want to happen. She found other hobbies and interests, selectively choosing the ones that were either cheap or free to do. One weekend, Charlie spotted a bike at a neighborhood garage sale. He wanted fifty dollars for the bike, but Charlie was able to convince him to give her the bike, in exchange for washing his car once a week, for a month. 

From then on, Charlie went everywhere on her bike, loving the feel of the wind in her hair, and the freedom that riding it brought her. She also took advantage of her newfound mobility. She started doing chores for various neighbors in order to earn some money for her piggy bank. She never told her parents what she was saving for, but they knew. Even though she stopped talking about it, they knew what their daughter longed for. Without Charlie knowing, her mother and father regularly slipped spare change or dollar bills into her piggy bank. They knew what she was up to, and although she didn’t want them to feel guilty about money, they did anyway. They both agreed that they shouldn’t have brought up money problems to Charlie, which made them feel even worse about the whole situation. She was a child, who’s favorite thing in the world was to dream about visiting the ocean one day. Now, she felt guilty for dreaming at all, which was unforgivable. Charlie’s parents vowed that one day they would make it up to Charlie.

A few months before Charlie turned sixteen, she noticed that her father wasn’t going to his doctor’s appointments as often as normal. It’s not something that she would particularly notice, except that every time he went, he would come home complaining about it. When Charlie noticed that he hadn’t complained about it, in quite some time, she asked him, “hows the doctor been, Daddy?”

“I’m not sure, Hon. Haven’t been to see that quack in a while, now.”

“Oh. Are you feeling better?” 

He paused, smiling. “Yes, I sure am.”

“Oh! Well that’s great news!” The idea of her father feeling better, after being sick for so long, was something that warmed Charlie’s heart greatly. 

            On Charlie’s sixteenth birthday, her parents gave her the gift that she’d fantasized about for nearly her entire life. The morning of her birthday, she found a small wrapped box setting on the kitchen table, with a card leaning against it. It was a Tuesday, which meant that Charlie still had to go to school. The tradition that she had with her parents, was that they would all set down as a family, that night, once they were all home, and she would open her gift then. This morning, her mother was already gone for work, and her dad was still in his bedroom, so she left her present on the table, and headed to school. That night, when she opened the box, she screamed and screamed, wiping tears of joy from her eyes. Her parents had been saving every penny that they could spare, to pay for a family trip to the ocean. Charlie never cared which ocean she visited, as long as it was big and blue, so her parents had picked Washington. They had both been to the Atlantic Ocean once, and decided that the pacific would be a great starting point for Charlie.

            The family flew into Seattle, two weeks later. From the airport, they rented a car, and drove to a small town called, Ocean Shores. Charlie felt like she was living in one of her dreams. Everything was so perfect, that it was nearly surreal. She loved everything about the new adventure she was on, and the beauty of Washington stunned her into speechlessness. When the Ocean finally came into view, two and a half hours after leaving the airport, Charlie was so happy that she began to cry tears of joy. Her lifelong dream was coming true, after what felt like an eternity of waiting. She felt so thankful to her parents for making this happen for her, but she was unable to express her thanks. Charlie closed her eyes, wanting to take everything in, once they finally got to the perfect spot. 

            When the car stopped, she climbed out of the car with her eyes still closed. Charlie stood perfectly still. The smell was beyond anything that she could have imagined. In fact, when she’d dreamed of coming to the ocean, she hadn’t even thought of smell. She wanted to laugh at her naïvety. Charlie breathed in deeply, savoring the aroma of the ocean air. Hearing the waves and the gulls was heavenly, but without the smell it wouldn’t be the same. The scent of salt water and sand, mixed with seaweed and she couldn’t even imagine what else, made Charlie feel as if her life was complete. At that moment, she still hadn’t opened her eyes, to bask in the glory of it, but the smell of the ocean made her feel as if she could die happily, right then and there. For the rest of her life, she knew she would remember the smell. Then, she opened her eyes. What lay before her was more beautiful than anything Charlie had ever imagined. Even beautiful pictures did not do it justice. She felt like she had found a piece of heaven, on earth. The blue ocean stretched for as far as her eyes could see. The waves turned over and over in the distance as the tide pulled in and out from the sand. Gulls flocked overhead, and sandy beach stretched for miles to the left and right. Charlie’s soul was content. She’d never felt so complete in her entire life. With tears in her eyes, she turned to her parents, and whispered, “thank you.” They smiled at her, and then each other. Seeing their daughter this happy, cleared any doubt in either of their minds about the expense of the trip. They knew it was worth every penny and every sacrifice that they’d had to make, in order to give this to her. They’d do it all again in a heartbeat.

            Shortly after their trip, Charlie’s father died. He’d been diagnosed with a terminal disease, which is why he’d chosen to forego anymore treatments or doctor’s visits. He had known that he might extend his life by going to those appointments, but decided that if he was going to spend money on something in his final days, he wanted it to be something worth while. He never regretted his decision. To his dying day, Charlie’s father was proud of his decision to make his daughter’s dream come true, and thankful that he’d had the opportunity to be there with her when it happened. 

            A few years later, Charlie’s mother was diagnosed with cancer. By then, Charlie was out of high school and old enough to work two jobs. Her income is what she and her mother came to depend upon. She felt responsible for her mother, and was committed to taking care of her, as best as she was able. Charlie worked endless hours, to pay for treatment and care for her mother, as well as rent and other household expenses. She was exhausted. From the time she’d come home from her dream vacation, until now, she had been faced with heartache and hardship. She’d been so occupied with being an adult, that the memory of her beloved ocean fell into the recesses of her mind. 

            When Charlie was twenty one, her mother died. She had never felt so alone in her entire life. Her parents had been her best friends, and losing them both in such a short period of time, was agony. Charlie spent a long time after her mother’s death, grieving for both of her parents. She had a hard time picking up the pieces of her life. She moved through each day robotically, and without emotion. Charlie kept her second job, without even thinking of it. She no longer needed the extra money, because there were no more medical bills, but the thought didn’t seem to register in her mind. She was on autopilot, stuck and unable to shift into a different gear. 

            Then, one day a coworker saved her life. Charlie was sitting in the break room eating lunch, when a coworker sat down at her table and pulled out a candle. He lit it, and began to read a book, without saying a word. Charlie continued eating, ignoring him. After a few minutes, she stopped chewing, mid-bite. She closed her eyes, inhaling deeply. The smell of Ocean Shores came rushing back to her, as if she was standing right there on the sand. She swallowed her food, then turned to him, saying, “Why did you light that?”

He looked up from his book. “It reminds me of the ocean.” Charlie stared at him. She said, “Thank you.” He looked confused, but went back to reading his book. The smell of the candle was all it took for Charlie to know what she was going to do with her life. Somehow it pulled her out of the fog, and back into the real world, where she could think. Smelling the candle brought back the memory of when she first smelled the ocean. The feelings of peace and contentment that being at the ocean had brought her, were something that she needed to experience again. Not just again, but over and over again.

            Charlie decided that she was going to change her life. She continued working her two jobs, for as many hours as she was able to get. She saved for three months, while she sold everything in the house. Finally she was ready to move. Charlie sold nearly every possession that she owned, took every dollar to her name, and got on a bus headed for Washington.