The Final Assessment (With a Bit of Garnish)

“What do you mean, this is my final test?”

“Mason, The Company has provided this opportunity to redeem yourself in their eyes, and recover a very valuable piece of nostalgia as well from someone who shouldn’t possess it. I don’t see what the problem is.”

Paul adjusted his earpiece, and checked his firearm. He had four more clips in his holster, so there should be plenty. “Why also do you insist on calling me Mason? You know my name, Lime, and I’ve told you several times, you can call me Paul.”

He could hear the stern look through the earpiece. “You know I can’t do that. Operational distance. Your need for an emotional human connection isn’t part of this mission. Now did you get the dossier?”

Paul pulled his backpack down off his shoulder, and opened it. Quietly rummaging through it, he found the manila package inside, along with a Jump! water and two Urganic granola bars. “I have it. What the hell is this other crap in here?”

He could hear Lime breathe out through her nose on the other end. “You specifically stated you wanted refreshments as you get a bit peckish during the surveillance portion of the evening, and the last time we put some fresh strawberries in, you complained that they got red juice all over the mission files.”

He did remember that. “Yeah, but there is a big difference between potentially messy fruit, and something that crawled out of a hippies’ ass. You think actual humans eat this crap?”

“I’ve had the Jump! myself, its refreshing. There is just a hint of cucumber and a squeeze of lime. Anyway, you probably should be studying the documents. This one is gonna be a doozy.”

Paul opened the folder, and pulled the contents out. He spent a few moments, and then took a swig of the Jump! It was refreshing...dammit.

“So what do you think? Completion by 0400?”

Geez, would he never live Tehran down? “You didn’t tell me it was a woman, who has kids in the house?”

“And, you haven’t said you have a problem with that before?”

That was correct. He hadn’t and didn’t. But it didn’t mean he wasn’t going to whine about it for a bit, especially since he wasn’t the first to take this one on. “I mean, fuck, c’mon, you mean you give me Baxter’s fuckup, so soon after he screwed the pooch.”

“It needed to be done, and Jolly Rancher’s failure doesn’t mean you won’t succeed. You have dealt with security teams before.”

Yes, yes he had. “Yeah, but this is Vanguard Security. You know what their slogan is?”

“No, but I am certain you are gonna tell me.”

“Its cloyingly stupid. “The Foremost in Security, The Best at the Front, Securing the Future Ahead of the Competition.” They literally just restate their fucking name over and over again. What kind of a corporation mindfuck stooge focus group came up with that? It makes me sick to even think about it.”

Lime lowered their voice slightly. “I see your point. But wouldn’t killing them soothe your discomfort? You have carte blanche to exterminate anything that gets in your way tonight. Let a little steam off, have some fun with it. Really get into your work.”

Paul frowned. “You know, for most people, you sound normal. But we are not in a normal business. It probably isn’t good to take this lightly. Especially since this is some sort of final test, according to you.”

“You are right Mason. After that business in Tehran, you need this to go well. Let me tell you, you don’t want to have to freelance. Hours are terrible, people claim vengeance and the dental plan, well its non-existent. Lets buckle down and focus, its going to be big night for you.”

“Hold on a second, if its gonna be a big night, then do you know what my new “name” is gonna be when its done? Did they tell you? If you aren’t gonna call me Paul, then do I at least get a cool name?”

There was a brief pause on the line. “I cannot confirm or deny that it will be Zero.”

The white chocolate candy bar? It could be worse. He heard that O’Henry was trapped in a basement somewhere doing paperwork until the second Coming because of botched kid’s birthday party. “Wasn’t that a name of an agent from about forty years ago?”

“Agent after the fact. But you first got to finish the job. Now, did you follow the directions so far?”

Paul frowned. “What do you think? I put the tape in the tape deck, pressed play. How did you find me a car with a tape deck? It told me where do go, and now I am here, getting ready to head in. Any other questions?”

Lime cleared her throat. “No. Just want to make sure you are ready.”

Paul nodded to no one, affixed his silencer and scaled the outer wall to the estate quickly and quietly. He landed softly, and raised his weapon. “Making my entrance. I see two guards, eliminating them now.” He advanced swiftly, hunched over. Two pulls of the trigger and they dropped silently. “Two guards down...dammit, I got a call.”

“You got a call?…” Paul switched the line over, because if he didn’t, his life would be even more a living hell. “Yes, Brenda, what do you want?”

He could hear the bitchy whine coming in the clear before she spoke. “Hello to you Paul. I swear, ever since I divorced you, your manners have gone out the window.”

Paul suppressed his voice raising to her, “I know its you. What do you want?”

Brenda hmmmmed, “I need you to pick up Charlie tonight.”

“I’m working tonight Brenda.”

“I don’t care. I have a date, and you are his father. He can’t be left alone, so you need to come get him.”

Paul stood erect, pointed his weapon, and removed another guard. “I’m working. Brenda. You do remember what that means. Don’t you?”

She huffed, “Yeah, but you are his father first. It has been two weeks since he saw you. And as per the court, you need to keep up with your payments too.”

He burst through a large bush, tackling another guard, and took the man’s own knife and used it to quietly finish him off. “You can’t seriously be complaining about that. That rich old fart you moved in with two weeks after divorcing me covers all of the expenses. I don’t make dick right now. I’ve got no money to give you.”

Brenda snarled, “I’m gonna have to call Judge Valeria in the morning. Say you are being difficult. You owe me that money, for Charlie. I need to look pretty for my Charlie. And David doesn’t let me work.”

That poor clueless bastard was a widower, Judge Valeria was a non-binary toad who hated men and Brenda had sunk her talons into both of them while Paul was still married to her. David covered the private school tuition for Charlie, the endless touch-ups for Brenda, and probably covered the dates where she went out with the latest biker pool hall champion to “find herself”. And the judge saw to it that Paul kept paying for it.

“I bet you fight him real hard on that one Brenda. But why can’t he watch Charlie? As far as I know he is capable.”

Brenda giggled, “I would have asked him, but he is out of town at a work conference. So you need to do it. How far away are you?”

Paul pulled the trigger once more, and now half of his target’s security force was down. He had always knuckled under to this harpy. She always pulled his crap. Leave him in the lurch, and with a time crunch. Tehran was her fault too. She called, crying about how David was gonna kick her out for bringing some guy over to his house. She had told Charlie that they were gonna be homeless, upsetting him to a point were he was bawling his eyes out. He spent twenty minutes calming him down, and the target had gotten away. Six months planning gone, in an instant.

He wasn’t going to blow it again. Not this time. “Brenda, I’m working. You know what that means. If you persist in this, your date and you are gonna find themselves in a murder/suicide pact. Complete with a note written in crayon. Blue crayon.”

Brenda laughed, “Brutus and I aren’t suicidal...oh. I see. Nevermind.” Click. Being married to her for ten years meant that he knew when she was serious, she wrote the note in blue crayon. For some stupid reason. He switched it back to Lime.

“What the hell was that about?”

“I just stood up to Brenda and her bullshit.”

A brief pause. “Very good for you Mason. I’m sure that if you want it, we could get a mission folder for her.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“What ever did you see in that woman?”

Paul breathed out slowly. “Believe it or not, I was desperate for affection, and she, at the beginning, provided it. She wasn’t half bad to look at then either. I didn’t feel good about myself, so I excused a lot of stuff. Like her constant cheating.”

Two more trigger pulls. Two more down. “You mean you were a doormat? I can’t see that about you Mason.”

They had never met, so that was weird. “From just the tone of my voice and what I do, you figure that?”

“No, from the one time we met.”

Paul felt confused. “When was that?”

Lime let a little smile into her voice, “During that get-to-gether in Tbilisi. Shared a kiss under the mistletoe.”

That was her? He barely remembered that night. An industry party, with colleagues from around the world in attendance. Brenda had just left him, so he found a good bottle of chacha and drank himself stupid. From what he remembered, her coke bottle glasses and straight out of Hot Topic clothing made her kind of cute. “Oh, I was a little drunk that night.”

Lime’s voice grew matronly, “You were more than a little drunk. You were on your third bottle of chacha, and you called me Brenda.”

“Sorry about that.”

“No worries. I’ve been there.”

That was the first time she had ever mentioned anything about herself before. “I suppose I should give a sit-rep.” Subdued pop from his gun. “Half the security team down, heading inside for the target.”

“Good, and remember, she could be in the master bedroom, or with the kids. If I had to guess, she’s sleeping with them to use them as human shields.”

“Very cynical of you, Lime. Its almost like you have been on this side of the phone before.”

Lime snorted. “You’ll never know.”

Paul opened the front door, and crept inside. Three more muffled shots, and three more bodies slumped to the ground. He searched the first floor, finding no one else. All the bedrooms were on the second floor, except for the one in the basement. He headed down first, nearly surprised when he ran into another Vanguard Security man.

Paul tackled him, and they wrestled on the floor, rolling around. There was a squeaky toy that the man kept rolling Paul over, and a large husky emerged from the darkness, looking to play. Paul managed to free his gun, and put it into the man’s throat. Wet spray covered his face when he pulled the trigger. The dog howled.

“What was that?”

“A dog. I’m dealing with it now.”

“You aren’t gonna kill that puppy are you?”

Paul reached out, and scratched the husky’s ears. It started to lick the blood off of his face, and softly whined. “Good boy. Lets take you for a ride!”

He found the dog’s leash, attached it to its collar, and took the dog to the garage. His final piece of his mission was there, a bright red 1987 Dodge Charger, complete with a racing stripe and the words, “An Obligation for Acceleration” written in the sonic Star Trek font. Someone had defaced this vehicle with a Co-exist and a No ICE for me bumper stickers. He pulled the keys off the garage hook, opened the door and let the husky into the car. It smelled of stale BO and weed, and the leather seats looked like they could use some TLC. “Stay here, I’ll be right back.” The husky barked in return.

“I put the dog in the car Lime. Don’t worry.”

“Thank Jesus.”

“I don’t think Jesus is watching us right now, Lime.”

He could hear her adjust her glasses, “Mason, He is always watching us.”

Paul checked his gun, and changed his clip. “That is a weird thing to say in this business.”

“Doesn’t make it untrue.”

Paul went up to the second floor. “Resuming my search for the target.”

“You know Mason, I really should ask, do you have a problem with this assignment?”

“Kind of late now?”

“Yeah, but you aren’t done, are you? Just a pile of dead substandard security guards. Nothing to write home about.”

Paul considered that for a second, “You know, they might not think so. As as stupid as their firm is, they at least were someone useful. To somebody.” Peeep. The body made more noise crumpling onto the floor than the shot itself. “This woman is a real shit.”

Paul had indeed read the dossier. Meredith Faraday was a shit head. The head of the charity For the Kids, she outwardly helped underprivileged children find good homes. Got invited to all the Hollywood parties, got the big fundraisers with the Governor of California and the former VP and that wacky guy running Minnesota. Hobnobbed with the heads of foreign governments and that annoying Swedish girl. That is what the public saw of Meredith Faraday.

What they didn’t see what that her “charity” received a sizable portion of funds from the Sinaloa and Los Zetas Cartels, who used her organization to funnel those kids into slavery. She also took money from the Chinese Communist Party, and funded violent groups who opposed enforcement of immigration laws, and tried to puncture the border to let more illegals into the country. She helped pay for lawyers for violent gang members and traffickers, and fought to stop their deportations. She got paid very well from various bad actors to do this as well.

“I know she is a shit, Mason, but maybe it doesn’t have to be you that kills her?”

“She put bumper stickers on the Charger.”

“Kill the bitch!”

“Right.” He got to the bedroom door, and knelt down. He pushed it open slightly, and the guard in the room sprayed bullets where Paul’s head would have been. Paul ducked in, and fired once. The guard fell, and someone sat up in the bed. “What’s happening?” she cried.

Paul stood up. “Its better if you lay down, ma’am. It will be fast and painless.”

She grabbed one of the children laying next to her, waking them up as she placed them in her lap. “You can’t do this. Not in front of the children. What kind of monster are you?”

The child started to whimper, and Paul lowered his gun. “I’m a monster, true. I turned down spending time with my son to finish this job. I’m a bad person. And I’ve accepted that. I threatened my ex-wife and the biker she is cheating on her new boyfriend with. It helps that your picture kind of looks like her, which I can openly admit to myself, right now for the first time. If there was an ounce of compassion in me left, I would leave now. But, work is all I have left.”

“But your work is horrific…”

“So is yours. And now that I think about it, it will be saving these kids getting rid of you. They probably will be happier with their father.” Paul noticed out of the corner of his eye the young boy also sitting in the bed nodding along with that. “Close your eyes dears, comeuppance is happening now.”

******

The Charger purred as he moved it down the driveway, and into the streets. The clock read 1230, which was about an hour fast. “I’m on the road Lime.”

“Good to hear. For what its worth, I don’t think you are a monster.”

“That makes one of us. Even though I knew Brenda was trying to manipulate me, I still felt bad about not seeing Charlie. I’ll have to make it up to him. Perhaps with a new dog.”

“Oh, he would love a husky!”

“I’m sure. I’m gonna be a little late to the office. This car needs a detailing before I turn it in. The radio is all preset to NPR and whiny pop music stations. It stinks of ditch weed and has stickers on it.”

“I see. I’ll let the chief know. He’ll appreciate it that it comes back cherry. How does it ride?”

Paul pushed down the accelerator. The Charger purred, and glided down the street. “Like a dream, Lime, like a dream.”

The night slept while he drove back to his safe house. The husky hung its head out the window. “You know, I should have taken you out after Tbilisi.”

“You were getting over a divorce. Your life is still kind of messed up. But I would say yes if you asked me.”

“I guess I will have to find the right moment. Now that I passed this assessment.”

“Take your time Zero, take your time. You earned it.”