The Moon

I just knew if I was to dream it would be a strange dream. I knew it would have something to do with today. I dreamt that as I was laying in bed and there wI hear it. I hear it. “I HEAR YOU!!”, I scream from the other side of the room as I lay in my bed not really wanting to acknowledge exactly what I was hearing. I think I even subconsciously piled a stack of dirty laundry on top of it so maybe I could legitimately say, “I didn’t hear my alarm” and that’s the reason I missed my appointment. The thing is there is a mechanism inside my brain that can’t let my alarm sound for more than 5 seconds before I start losing it so I have to force myself to get up and dig through dirty clothes so I can shut it off. Okay, I’m officially up. The night before I thought it would be a good idea to make a list for what I should be doing today because I won’t be in the right headspace for what is going to happen today. That was a brilliant idea if I had have done so but because of said events that are happening today I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep so I had to use a sleep aid to actually get to sleep. By the time I realized that I have yet to make a list I was getting drowsy so I said screw it! Maybe it should be a fly by the seat of my pants type situations since my whole life was going to change today. That’s it, that’s exactly what needs to happen. I need to improvise my way through today. Surely it will take some of the edge off of all the fear and anxiety I’m feeling inside. I honestly don’t know why I’m afraid of the next journey in my life. When I was a small child there was nothing that fascinated me more than space! I was the kid that always had the planet's diorama for science fairs. Styrofoam balls colored to perfection and custom labels my Dad helped me to create with his trusty label maker which might I add I wasn’t allowed to touch if he wasn’t in the vicinity. I had a star projector that I would leave on practically all day long even if the sunlight made it hard to see. Sometimes I would just close the blinds and disappear in Orion's Belt or pretend to splash around in the Big Dipper. Space was my entire life so why now does just the thought of being sent to the moon cripples me with so much fear. I mean, people have gone to the moon before! It has happened every single year of my life. It’s a big deal! Every single year on July 13th they send a person to the moon. It’s not until recently that I’ve decided to do some serious research in these missions that has caused me to wonder really what’s going on. There are a couple of articles from a few websites that you just don’t stumble across in your every day search for missions to the moon. I didn’t realize that there were so many conspiracy theories behind it all. One guy said that people are being sent to the moon to be harvested to later be given to any hostile aliens that earth will encounter in the near and uncertain future. He says we don’t know what’s going on on the dark side of the moon that no one can see and that is the perfect recipe for hidden agendas! How serious can I take a grown man that still lives with his mother in the basement and walks around with a tin-foil hat on his head though. A less insane theory is they aren’t sending you to the moon at all. They need human life to be inside the rocket to test and make sure you can survive. In a sense it’s a one way ticket to nowhere. Did the rocket blow up? Did the person survive? Mission accomplished. That theory also says once they see that the rocket will be perfect for multiple trips they push a button that releases poisoned gases and kills you. I think that theory is a little far-fetched because why would anyone spend good money on a rocket just to let it drift around in outer space. Anyways, I shouldn’t be afraid. It will be fine. I will get inside this rocket and go to the moon and do whatever I’m asked to do when I get there. Speaking of, I need to find the literature that was sent to me so I can find out what all I can and can’t take with me. One personal item and one change of clothes, no hygiene products, no food, no instruments, no pets. So basically nothing at all just some socks and a necklace that my grandmother gave me when I was young before she died. Not that I have an instrument or a pet. What if I did!? I would have to leave my clarinet behind? My Tuba!? I always wanted to play an instrument but I didn’t have a talent for it when I was in school so I gave up my dreams of being in the local symphony orchestra. As for pets all I ever had was a goldfish that didn’t live past 3 weeks. I was extremely traumatized by it.  Whenever my parents asked me if I would like to give it another go I cried and mentioned my fish, Golden. They never asked again. I guess I should pack a bag then. I think I’ll pack something ridiculous. Maybe a halloween costume I got last year. At least that could double as a personal item and a change of clothes which means maybe I can have two personal items! Maybe I should take the cardigan that I got from my Dad’s closet one thanksgiving because I was cold and never returned it. Maybe I should be taking this way more seriously than I am. I’m still in shock that I was even chosen to think I’d be here right now choosing just one outfit and one personal item leaves me extremely depressed. Focus! Dad’s cardigan and a pair of jeans that I got while shopping with my Mom. We had such a great time that day. We were practically in the mall all day. We ate lunch and continued to shop. Then we caught a matinee and went back to shop. I remember filing it away as one of the best days of my life so this pair of jeans will remind me of that day. I’ll take a beanie that my best friend got me when we were preteens that survived all the way to present day. We were inseparable when we were kids. If she was there I was there and if I was there she was there. This beanie will remind me of all the good times we shared. Definitely taking this beanie. Last but not least I’ll be taking my lucky socks that I wore during a softball tournament. I promise you because I wore these socks and didn’t take them off until the championship was ours and that is the reason we won! No worries though, immediately after we won I washed them! Is it too early to drink? I feel like I need a drink. Something to calm me down because as time keeps ticking away I’m getting more nervous. Okay, bag packed so what do I do next. What does the paper say I should do. I know there is a location that I’m supposed to be but I need to find out exactly where. Hopefully it’s not going to cost me anything to get there. The paper says that they will come and get me so I won’t have to pay for anything. What if I’m conveniently not home when they come to retrieve me? What if I don’t answer the door when they knock? What if I’m hiding under my bed or in the closet when I hear them coming up the stairs of my apartement. The papers don’t mention anything about retaliation if I really don’t want to go. Well then there you have it! I don’t want to go so I’m not going. I’m gonna sit here in this apartment and pretend that I wasn’t selected for anything. Why couldn’t I have been selected for a million dollars or a new car or an all expenses paid vacation to any blue water vacation destination of my choosing. Seems like I’m never that lucky. Just sitting here doing all of that packing and contemplating has squandered 3 hours. It’s 2:15 now and the paper says that they will be here to pick me up anytime from 6-7. That’s plenty of time to get drunk right? No. I don’t want to get drunk. I need to be making some phone calls to say goodbye to the people I love. I’m actually surprised that my parents haven’t called me. The last time we spoke they were trying to be as positive as possible to reassure me that this was a great honor and a good opportunity for me to move forward in my life. I agreed with them fully but I think it would make more sense if I was the one who was seeking out said opportunities. To have it forced upon me like this leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I thought by now I would have heard from my best friend. She probably doesn't know what to say to me and thought it would be easier to say nothing at all. I don’t want that to be the case but I also understand. That’s a good reason to get drunk. I’m gonna take 3 shots, two for my parents and one for my best friend. I’ll take a few more for no reason at all. This might be the very last time I take a drink of alcohol. I don't know what moon protocols are when it comes to alcohol consumption. It’s already 4:30!? Those shots didn’t help me at all in the cognitive department. I’m sooooo sleepy! No, seriously! I’m really tired. The alcohol did it! I’m going to wrap myself up in my blanket for the last time and take a tiny little nap. Just a few minutes to close my eyes then I’m going to muster all of my courage up and wait for them to come get me. I’ll be fine. I can do this. 

as a loud knock at the door. It scared the living crap out of me. I gasped and sat straight up in bed. Maybe that was a part of my dream. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! Okay, that wasn’t in my dream. It was at my door right now trying to get my attention. I jumped up and headed for the door then I stopped in my tracks. Why am I getting the door? Didn’t I say I didn’t want to go and wasn’t going to respond but the knocks got louder and more persistent. It was so loud that I thought that it would disturb the whole apartment complex so I felt I was obligated to answer since it was my door. I slowly walked to the door and asked, who is it? No response. I heard the door knob turn and I could see the door opening. Opening like there wasn’t a chain lock or deadbolt applied. Now with the door fully opened and dread on my face in come two individuals in suits. They weren’t quite space suits more like hazmat suits. Like they were coming to clean up a crime scene kind of suit. They both shoved me up against the wall and said, “bag?!”. I assumed they meant the bag that I was supposed to pack to head off to the moon so I said yes and pointed toward my bedroom. One guy stood there with his hand on my shoulder pinning me up against the wall while the other guy walked toward my bedroom. He came back with my bag in hand. I was wondering why they were being so aggressive if this was such a great privilege to be a part of. Before I knew it they were rushing me out the front doors of my apartment complex and headed toward a black car with black tinted windows. Cliche I know but hey, it was my dream!  We pulled up to a massive building and before I could speak and ask was this the place they had me outside of the car and on our way inside. I guess the rocket was inside the building and the roof was going to open up and shoot me straight up out of the building and to the moon. That’s the only logical explanation I had at the moment. This dream is not the way I want it really to go down. I want to have conversations about what is about to happen to me. I don’t want to be wisped away like a stranger in the night all incognito. As a matter of fact I don’t like this dream any more. I think it’s time to wake up. It’s time to pinch myself to get me out of this miny nightmare. So I pinch myself, hard. T-Minus ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Liftoff.