Dan Helsing

The neon sign strobed into the night, red like blood: ‘THE VAMPIRE NIGHTCLUB’.

Dan Helsing grunted. He shook his head and pointed to the flashy thing. ‘You see that? How distasteful! There’s an actual vampire in our midst and these people are making money from the bloodsuckers’ name! The gall.’

Simon frowned. ‘Um, Sir? I’ve been watching this place and it seems that they’re actually vampi—’

Dan whipped his cape over his shoulders for good effect and barged through the black door. ‘Come along, Simon. We have a vampire to find. I have much to teach you, if you wish to be a great vampire hunter like me!’

The darkness swallowed him, and the smell of stale air and sweat assaulted his nostrils. The bass thump of electronic music rumbled through his belly and bones. Behind him, Simon sighed. ‘B-But, Sir? Sir! I—’

He’d expected the gloomy ink. After all, their quarry was a creature of the night. He would pick a shadowy spot as his local haunt. How was that for his powers of deduction? His big brother would be proud of how far he’d come. And now he had someone to pass his knowledge along to, too. Dan stalked down the hallway, beckoning Simon.

The black walls and floors stretched towards a booth illuminated by a red light. A pale young woman with black hair, lips, and nails sat inside. She wore a matching dress, with sleeves stretching down to her hands and little holes for her thumbs. She smiled as they approached, her teeth sharp, her eyes piercing.

Dan realised she must be wearing some special contacts. He gestured for Simon to get his wallet and smiled back at the girl. ‘Hello, my good woman. My companion and I would like entry to your prestigious club of the night. How much is entry?’

The girl twirled her hand and gestured down the corridor like a magician presenting a trick. When she spoke, she sounded like a cartoon snake. ‘Welcome, my friends. I invite you to enter our building. Please, step inside, we accept you here.’

Dan’s eyebrows shot up. Well, that explained how the demon had gained entry to this place. The friendly welcome from the concierge unblocked the way. Once he’d wrapped this up, he would chat with management. He’d explain that their wording permitted bloodsuckers to enter. They ought to know. He clicked his fingers at Simon and motioned for him to pay the woman. Dan then strode into the place the vampire had mistaken as a refuge.

Out of the claustrophobic corridor and into the club, the ceiling opened out above them. All was black except for the red lights pulsing overhead. Red lights throbbed under the dancefloor, too, upon which a horde of people boogied and jived. Bodies writhed, hands in the air. Pale skin flashed, black hair flowed, and capes twirled. They sang with the thumping electronica: ‘This is the vampire nightclub. Everybody here is a vampire. Super secret vampire nightclub: don’t tell anybody we’re vampires!’

Dan wrinkled his nose. He didn’t get any modern rock and roll (he refused to contract ‘and’ to a single letter). Or was it hip-hop? It all sounded like noise to him, rubbish about pretending to be something you’re not. What happened to the old greats, the classics? He and the older generation of vampires could at least agree on that. He scanned the crowd, looking for his quarry. ‘Simon,’ he hissed, ‘do you see him?’

Simon whispered in a tiny, childlike voice. ‘Sir? Sir, we oughta get out of here. We shouldn’t be here. Let’s go now, whilst we—’

The problem with all these gothic chaps was that spotting a vampire amongst them took a lot of work. Did they know they looked like vampires? Given the club’s name, it might be a new fashion statement. Dress up as the thing that hunts you, that sort of thing. Take the power back. Dan didn’t pretend to understand it; the youth always confounded him. He gestured to the other side of the club. ‘Let’s split up and circle the place. We’ll meet back here in five minutes. See if we can see him. But if you do see him, get me first, Simon. He’s bound to be cruel and conniving.’

Simon, whose face had gone as pale as the nightclub’s attendees, whimpered but obeyed.

Dan stalked around the crowd of rejects from the Victorian era, squinting, eyes peeled.

A bartender was mixing up something that looked like cranberry juice here. A youthful-looking couple was making out there. A cluster of friends downed red shots here, laughing. A group of lads hung upside-down from the ceiling, dancing there. But the vampire Dan had been following was nowhere around.

His shoulders slumped. His big brother wouldn’t have had this sort of trouble. He’d have come in here quick as a bolt thrown by Zeus. He’d have spied the destroyer before he escaped and staked him where he stood. Alas, Dan was not his big brother. Dan was Dan. Despite what his morning coffee mug said, he was not ‘the man’. Dan came back full circle, where Simon was already waiting for him, wide-eyed and trembling. ‘It seems the beast has evaded us once again, Simon. I’m sorry, I failed. As a hunter, as a mentor, as a member of the Helsing clan.’

‘U-Um, Sir? I don’t think that matters right now, Sir. We’re surrounded by—’

Dan nodded. He supposed Simon was right; the boy was learning, after all. It didn’t matter. ‘Good point, Simon. The fact that I’m trying means more than my lack of skill. I know they say that good intentions pave the road to hell, but still, good intentions count for something. At least I’m here, in the middle of the night, searching for the vampire. So what if I’m not my brother, not everyone can be the best. We’re bleeding for our cause. Right?’

Behind him, a blur took out Simon with a hiss. Simon screamed, then fell silent in a choked gurgle.

Dan sighed. ‘You’re right, Simon. Well said, old chap. We’ll rally at home and try again tomorrow. No point feeling sorry for ourselves, let’s do the best with what we’ve got. I do believe you’re coming along. We’ll soon make a vampire hunter out of you yet, eh?’

Simon – the guts it had taken him to follow Dan in here now spilt across the dancefloor – stopped twitching. The creatures, drunk on the smell of fresh blood, failed to notice the second human in their midst. They flocked to Simon like seagulls to a fallen chip.

Dan readjusted his cloak and made for the exit. ‘Come, let us leave before we blow our cover.

‘I know these kids are harmless but I don’t like some of the looks we’ve been getting.’