The things we keep inside.

Joe strode confidently into the hotel lobby, his strut completely belying the fact he was more than a little shitting himself. 

“Reunion?” he asked at the reception desk, and the busy receptionist didn’t look up as she pointed towards the elaborate ivory doors to her right.

“Through there and follow the corridor around. You can’t miss it.” She glanced up and gave a hint of a smile, flashing Joe a look that said no more questions. He didn’t need telling twice, he thanked the lady and made his way through the doors.

Joe could hear the party before he could see it, and as he strode down the corridor towards the audible hubbub he could feel himself becoming more and more nervous with every stride. He stopped for a moment in front of a large mirror of which the elaborate decor of the corridor boasted many. He checked his hair and teeth, straightened his tie and wondered, not for the first time, if she would be there.

Joe entered the room and surveyed what was in front of him, scanning the room with his eyes like some intrepid Mars Rover exploring the crumbling wastes of the red planet. Except the only aliens on this planet were dressed in their finest cocktail dresses and suits, and the stench of cologne and perfume filled the atmosphere. Small talk permeated the room and outbreaks of nervous laughter occasionally could be heard over the eighties classics being belted out by a crooning singer in the corner that everyone wilfully ignored. But Joe couldn’t find what he was looking for, the red hair his heart desired no where to be seen. He found the bar with his eyes and trudged disappointedly towards it.

He knew. He knew the moment he was handed a bottle of beer by the bartender as he took a swig and waited for his change. Not only was she here, she was standing behind him. The smell gave her away, the sweet smell of Lady Million that had always reminded Joe of her every time he smelt it on others. This time though it was her, he just knew it.

His heart beat hard and fast as he collected his change and slowly turned around until his eyes connected with hers.

“Laura,” he said, impressing himself that he had managed to actually say her name without it squeaking out in some pathetic manner. Others that had gone to school with Laura would have noticed she had aged somewhat since those days, but to Joe she still looked the same. Still had the same hairstyle; shoulder length wavy hair, and her eyes were mesmerising, long eyelashes framing two blue pearls that Joe had always been happy to get lost in. But it was Laura’s smile that Joe had fallen in love with when they were mere teenagers sharing a science table during A level Biology, and Joe was ecstatic inside to see her make an appearance now.

“Joey!” she said with genuine enthusiasm that warmed Joe’s heart. “It’s been so long. How are you?” She lent in to give him a kiss on the cheek and the smell of Lady Million hit the back of his nostrils. He wasn’t complaining. Joe felt a stir in his loins as their skin connected for that brief moment, and he was sure she lingered on the kiss for longer than she had to.

“Far too long Laura, far too long. You look great!”

“Ha stop being polite now, the years haven’t been as kind to me as they appear to have you anyway. I like the stubble it suits you. Better than the pube-tash you used to try and grow back at school anyway,” she let out a hearty laugh that made Joe laugh too. Her laugh had always been infectious, and she looked even more beautiful when she did it. Once they had composed themselves again, she looked at Joe and smiled at him. “Be truthful now, how close did you come to not coming tonight?”

“Well I wanted to leave until about a minute ago, so take from that what you will.”

“What happened a minute ago?” she asked.

“You appeared,” he said simply, and he could see Laura blush a little. He had taken her by surprise by his bluntness he could tell. “What did you want from the bar, my treat?” Joe got in before she could respond.

“You’ll regret saying that, I have expensive tastes,” she purred. “Vodka and soda, please”.

“Double?”

“Of course,” he turned and relayed the order to the bartender, who had probably heard every bit of their conversation so far seeing as no one else seemed to be topping up their glasses as yet. Early days I suppose, thought Joe. No one wants to be that person everyone talks about in the WhatsApp group the next day, at least not yet.

“So how long you back in town for Joe, I mean it must be pushing what a decade since I lost saw you isn’t it?” asked Laura.

“Eleven years, yeah, been a while,” he agreed as he took a swig of his beer. “Was busy with work at the last reunion, so felt like I should make an effort this time. Ian and Mike were meant to come so I could catch up with them, but they both pulled out at the last minute. I was already in town though so still felt like at least popping in for a bit. Waste of a journey otherwise, especially now Dad died last year.”

“Oh Joe I didn’t know, I’m really sorry to hear about that,” she touched his arm briefly and her fingertips felt warm against his forearm.

“Honestly it’s fine, it wasn’t a surprise. But since he’s gone I’ve had no real reason to come back here these days. Not with all my friends spread over the country.”

“Everyone here just feels like a stranger now don’t they?” Laura mused while gesturing towards the rest of the people at the party. “I mean there’s Sally O’Connell, we were literally inseparable when at middle school. Now I’m not even sure she recognises me anymore,” she admitted. The bartender came back with the vodka and soda and Joe paid him before handing the vodka to Laura.

As she reached out to take the drink, Joe’s heart sank. Glistening from the overhead disco lights sat a ring on Laura’s finger, a cold, hard slap to the face that Joe had completely forgotten to check. Of course she was married, girls like this don’t stay single for long, he thought. He was obviously wearing his disappointment on his face because Laura seemed to stiffen just a little in front of his eyes. She smiled nervously at him.

“Been married nearly six years now,” he hadn’t had to ask, but she told him the answer anyway before taking a large sip of her drink. “It’s been good you know, comfortable. My life’s not as exciting as yours, I don’t get to travel around the country or anything like that, but it’s fine. When we married we even moved into the Harewood part of town.”

“You always wanted to live there, you used to talk about it when we sometimes walked to school together, the posh end,” he smiled as he remembered. “So who’s the lucky guy?”

“Can you remember Peter?”

“Peter Travis?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh I remember Peter, yeah,” he managed to keep a neutral look on his face but inside he began to feel pangs of anger bubble under the surface. When you think back to your school days you always remember that one boy, that absolute dick that all the girls say they would never get with in a million years but then all fight over at any given opportunity. Peter was that dick. In their long chats in Biology class, Joe and Laura had often spent the sessions taking the piss out of the other people in their year group, not least Peter. Laura had always said she would never get with a boy like him, how could you ever trust a boy who would sleep with any girl given half the chance. She had seen too many of her friends get burnt by boys like Peter, Christ, she was often left comforting them herself after the latest infidelity. No, she had always said when it comes to settling down you pick the boy who makes you laugh. Besides, he wasn’t her type, or so Joe had thought.

“He’s different to when we were at school you know.” He could tell Laura knew what he was thinking, and she looked embarrassed having to explain herself. “Things change don’t they?”

“Yeah I suppose they do.” A few seconds went by where neither Joe nor Laura knew quite what to say. It was clear the mood had soured somewhat and the meeting that Joe had wanted to happen for so long was beginning to fizzle.

“Listen,” Laura said, “there’s a few people I need to catch up with who will be wondering who I’m nattering with at the bar.”

“So that’s why I keep getting dodgy looks from across the room. I just figured they didn’t like my suit,” replied Joe and Laura smiled again in return. She seemed to relax a little and regain her composure.

“Well once I’ve done the rounds, perhaps I’ll find you loitering around the bar again?”

“Perhaps you will. Go on, your subjects are waiting”. Laura lent in and kissed him on the cheek before slinking her way through the crowd that was beginning to look a little livelier. Joe chugged the remainder of the beer in his hand before asking for a double vodka, no mixer. He watched her for a little longer, and he began to realise what a fool he had been thinking he had a chance with the redhead girl he had fallen in love with all those years ago. The way she worked the room was mesmerising, laughing at any jokes with her distinctive laugh and looking like she was really listening to others when needed. The men in the room wanting to be with her, the women wanting to be seen with her, she lit up the place and she did it well. No, it was time to end this, Joe thought, and he downed the shot of vodka before placing it on the bar. As he left the way he arrived, Laura looked up from across the room and felt only regret.

*********

She had to travel through the Harewood side of town to get home, and that always felt like the ultimate kick in the teeth for Laura, especially tonight.

The taxi pulled up outside her house and she paid the driver. Her neighbour and the losers he hung out with were sitting on the doorstep of the house joined to hers drinking beer, and she sighed. They would be there for some time yet, and would only ever get louder as their alcohol levels increased. The taxi driver also had one eye on the three men.

“I’ll wait until you get in the house,” he said.

“Thank you,” she replied. At least some people still have a shred of decency about them. She left the taxi and walked straight to her front door, ignoring the distasteful comments from her next door neighbour, as usual. She quickly opened the door, entered and shut it again, immediately locking it behind her. She heard the sound of the taxi leave to be replaced only by the hyena-like laughter of her bonehead neighbour.

Laura kicked off her heels and left them by the door. She walked through a small living area that contained a modest sized television, one two-seater sofa with a small table by its side on which a lamp sat on. She didn’t bother switching the lamp on, instead choosing to walk through the door at the end of the room into her bedroom. A gap in the curtains let enough light in to the room from the street outside that Laura could see what she was doing. Enough to unzip her dress which she let fall to the floor, and she left it in a crumpled heap as she got into bed. It was colder than she realised, so she tucked her legs in towards her chest and pulled the duvet tight against her chest. A tear rolled out of her eye and slid down the side of her face into the pillow underneath.

She thought about where she was six months ago, living in a large three bedroomed house on the right side of town, holiday twice a year, all that she had ever wanted. And then it all came crashing down in an instant. Peter had come home and told her to pack her things, it was over and he had found someone else. A younger model if you will, some little skank he had met serving drinks down the golf club. He had shipped Laura out, put her out to pasture, and Laura had been on a downward spiral since. She had stayed out of the public eye, very few knew what had happened, and she was in no mood to change that. She was embarrassed about where she was living now, a one bedroomed apartment on the bottom floor of a terraced house and she had no real money to begin divorce proceedings against Peter. She was stuck in a rut with no light at the end of the tunnel.

Her thoughts had turned to those who actually cared about her, and to Laura’s dismay she realised she had no one to really fall back on. There had only really been one man who she thought that had ever truly loved her, and back then she had been just a teenager blind to it. She had always wondered what had become of Joe, and when the reunion was announced she felt a surge of excitement. Maybe he would be there?

To save face she had decided to go to the reunion pretending she was still happily married. News hadn’t really travelled about her split from Peter and for one night only she could pretend everything was normal. She started playing with the ring on her finger, rotating it as she lay there. Oh, why had she pretended she was still married? Why didn’t she tell Joe the truth? She pulled the ring off her finger and threw it across the room. She heard it ping against the door of her wardrobe and land somewhere near the door back to the living area. By now the tears had turned to sobs, but no one was around to hear them.