Early pains

Eugene and Jules walked into the hospital hand in hand.

Despite their young age, 30 and 32, it had been extremely hard for Jules to get pregnant and when the test resulted positive, they just couldn’t believe their eyes.

So, there they were, ready for the first check with the gynecologist and eager to hear their baby’s heartbeat.

When they sat in the waiting room, Jules looked at Eugene with the corner of her eye. He simply loved babies and had that particular fatherly gene. On the other hand, she was motherly to cats and animals, but not with little humans.

Contrarily to her friends, Jules had always imagined herself like the wild spirit who would have discovered her need to procreate too late to plant any seed in her belly. She would have been the funny, workaholic aunt, not the mom.

Still, there she was, waiting for her gynecologist.

Eugene held her hand tightly. His sweaty grip was a good way to escape the scary thoughts that run through her mind.

She breathed deeply and stared at the door, her heart pounding loud, her mouth dry as a paper bag. She could almost feel movement in her stomach, but definitely not because of the baby.

“It’s gonna be ok.” Eugene patted softly her leg.

Jules nodded but focused once again on the dark wooden door.

“Mrs. Forst?” a nurse approached her with a warm smile.

Jules nodded.

“Dr. Kratter is running a bit late. He’d like to visit you in the maternity ward and asked me to escort you there.”

“Sure.” Answered Eugene, helping Jules up. “Lead the way.”

They followed the nurse in the elevator and lingered in an embarrassed silence. “Is this your first visit?” asked the nurse.

Jules, once again, just nodded.

The nurse smiled again. “Don’t be afraid. You’re about to begin the most amazing adventure of your life.”

Jules grinned and stayed silent.

The maternity ward’s waiting room was much different from the one near the doctor’s office. While the latter was minimal and empty, this one was covered with posters on maternity, baby pictures, and drawings. 

Silver plastic chairs were positioned along the yellow wall; in the corners and in the middle of the room were little tables covered in brochures of course about babies.

When the nurse left them there, Eugene and Jules were alone.

“So, should we start to get informed?” asked Eugene when the nurse left. Without even looking he picked a brochure. “Let’s discover…Newborns and Genetic Diseases.” Eugene glimpsed at Jules whose face was a mask of terror, then frowned. “Maybe not this one. Let’s try another!”

Randomly he searched another. “How to prepare yourself for birth.” Eugene checked on Jules. “A wee too early, but better safe than sorry.”

“Morning.” A lady around sixty-five entered the room and sat opposite to them. She had a worried look on her face, but her body was well put together. She sat with sealed legs and cling to the bag on her thighs.

Eugene and Jules focused back on their brochure. “This one seems good.” Insisted Eugene and unfolded the flyer. “Before you deliver your baby, we strongly recommend you attend a birthing class where…”

“Holy shit!” yelled Jules and pointed her finger at the picture of a weird round wooden object with ten carved holes meant to explain the different phases of vaginal dilatation. “Is my vagina really gonna end up like that?”

An agonizing scream pierced the air.

“That is my daughter.” Proudly said the lady. “First child and she’s almost 9 cm open.”

Jules and Eugene stared at her, open-mouthed.

Jules peeked back at the wood object on the flyer and connected the holes to the screams.

“You’re not even showing. How many weeks are you?” asked the woman.

“A-a few.” Whispered Jules.

“Oh, that’s so marvelous! Nowadays delivering a baby is so easy. There are early tests, medicines, back in my days though…Pregnancy was awful.” Continued the woman. “I delivered four children and each birth was awful. I suffered as if I was being slaughtered. No, that’s not the right word, more like torture for two days straight.”

Jules looked at the clock and then the door, hoping that the doctor would appear. 

“Everybody says you forget the pain, but that’s not true, I remember every bit of it. And you know the worst part? Hearing the scissors cut my private parts. Disgusting.”

Jules peaked at Eugene in search for support.

“I’m sure your husband was of help.”

“My husband?” she laughed hard. “He fainted twice and remained shocked by the other two. He got so scared that he wouldn’t touch me there for months afterward.”

Another scream arrived from the outside.

“I guess it’s ten centimeters now. I’m about to become a grandma!” she squeaked like a chihuahua.

“Congratulations.” Replied Eugene.

“I think my last birth was the worst though. He had a big head and just wouldn’t come out.”

Jules stood up and walked straight outside panting. 

“Excuse us.” Said Eugene to the lady.

“I can’t do this. I’m not strong enough.”

“You’re the strongest person I know.”

“But what if everything goes wrong. What if I end up like that lady?

“What if everything goes right and you’re the greatest mother ever? We are in this together.”

“Mrs. Forst.”

A guttural male voice came from behind.

“Nice to meet you both, I’m Dr. Kratter. Please follow me.”

Eugene and Jules followed the doctor to the office without saying a word.

“Now, don’t you worry about a thing Jules. You and I are going to become the best of friends for the next nine months. 

Today we’re not going to do anything that you haven’t done before. It’s like a normal visit only we are going to hear something that you’ve never heard. Ready?”

Jules sat on the usual chair and waited, contemplating the monitor.

A big bang of questions exploded in her mind. 

Is there going to be a baby? 

Is the baby fine? 

Will I be fine? 

Will I be capable of being a mother? 

What if the baby is sick? 

What if I’m not good enough? 

What if Eugene leaves? 

What if something happens to me? 

Will it hurt?

Can I fast-forward everything to when the baby is born?

Do I really want this?

The doctor inserted the ultrasound.

Eugene held her hand even tighter.

There was a moment of perfect stillness and silence.

Sweat started dripping from her forehead. Eugene squeezed more.

One last thought. Please be there.

And then.

Tuh-tuh, tuh-tuh.

Dedicated to my friend Giulia who is becoming a mom today. =)