Full circle.

When we were little my mum would wake us up and get us ready for school, she would help me pull my shirt over my head and brush mine and my sister’s hair, lightly tugging at the tangles. She would always take care to make sure she was being as gentle as possible, but we would still put up a fuss. After she fixed us up in the mornings we would walk to school. Dawdling behind we would complain that our legs hurt and whine and moan about how we did not want to go to school. “It’s fine, we are almost there”, she’d say. We later learned she hated the school run just as much as we did.

Then when I was 8 my mum was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS). I remember she was in hospital for a week while they figured out what was wrong with her, we stayed at a close friend’s house and I think that’s the only reason I didn’t get too upset; I was busy playing with my best friend. Finally, she told us what the matter was, we were young, so we didn’t really understand but we were also told not to google it which I think we all managed to abide. Although it worried us that we couldn’t know more.

At this point I was learning to do things on my own, but with my younger brother and sister she still persisted, she made their lunch in the mornings and walked us all to school. Then she would pick us up and we would walk home together, In my opinion the walk home a lot more enjoyable for obvious reasons. I recall stopping off at the shops on a Friday afternoon to get sweets and a pack of go-go’s crazy bones. It escapes me where they all vanished to because we used to have hundreds.

Cue, the year 7 science lesson that we all have been taught because evidently, they recycle the power points. I was the first to see being the oldest, it was a pyramid of terminal illnesses and how fatal they were, and siting there so idly in the second bracket were the words ‘Multiple Sclerosis’. The tears fell without warning, but I had support around me and soon rationalised with myself about how it is not the same for all cases. Two years later at break my sister came crying to me she started to explain but I already knew I helped her out and then two years after that history repeated itself as I gave my brother a hug and told him it was okay. We understand now why she told us not to google it. However, a little more transparency may have prevented those science lessons from having such an effect. She still to this day doesn't share with us as much as we would like.

In 2014, we all went to Disney world in Florida. It was a 3 week long holiday visiting all the parks and relaxing in the sun by the pool. Looking back, it was one of the first times I saw my mum struggle, if you’ve ever been to Disney you know there is a lot of walking required when you are navigating the parks. On some days, her legs would just give up on her, fortunately the staff there are lovely and would offer her a wheelchair to use for the day. Me and my brother and sister would all happily take turns pushing her around and although she felt uncomfortable getting special treatment us three were loving getting fast passes into some of the smaller rides, the ones my mum could actually go on. Besides one week in Tenerife two years prior to that it was the only holiday abroad we have ever been on and it was the best one by far. Disney has a special place in all our hearts, and I’d love to take her back some day.

I could not live without my mum she has been my rock throughout so much of my life and although I’ve definitely tested her patience at times she never fails to look after me. I think we took for granted growing up the amount of time, patience, and energy it took to look after three little monsters. More often than not is slips our minds how much she cares. I recall one night about a year ago I was lying awake unable to sleep when she tip toed into me and my sisters’ room at 2 am. She hadn’t noticed I was awake but when she started trying to wake my sister up, I asked her what the matter was. “I can’t remember if I gave Ellie lunch money today”, she replied. “I’m sure she would have told you if you hadn’t”, I reassured her. She hesitated but ultimately agreed with me and went back to bed. It still warms my heart that something so small could have had her worrying and kept her up that late. I hope she knows how much we love her too, how we would go to the ends of the Earth just to see her happy.

I’m 18 now and my mum struggles to do things on her own. I help her dress in the mornings and either me or my sister will brush her hair. When we go walking places she often falls behind because her legs are in pain, she doesn’t complain like we did though. My sister wants to be a chef so sometimes when my mum doesn’t have enough energy to make dinner my sister will cook her up something nice and I do a considerable amount of cleaning around the house, I don’t mind though I actually really enjoy cleaning. She doesn’t need to help us anymore; she needs the help herself and it’s only fair that we return the favour after she helped us so much growing up. Not just with daily tasks but with illness, bullies, and friends too. It’s our turn to support her, we have come full circle.