See Me

I often placed my hand upon theirs, intertwining my fingers between their warm bands of flesh that could never feel the ice laced within mine. I longed for them to; I wanted them to see me, to see the sorrow embedded in the hollow sockets that I watched them through daily. They went about their lives as if death were not around every corner, under every one of their footsteps waiting for the day he would bring them to the next stage, one I refused to enter.

Something kept me here, tugging on the bottom of my feet and latching me to this plane of existence that I was no longer a part of. I tried to remember who I once was – did I have a family? Did I have a child whose smile warmed the pumping muscle within my body, ensuring every beat was meant for them?

"Jennifer is coming over tonight. Yeah, we're doing it – no, no – yes! I swear I have one. I got it the other day at the store. Oh, I got the candles too, so you better be here. Yeah, so tell your mom you're staying the night. We plan on starting around ten, so come a couple of hours sooner. Okay, bye!" Veronica pressed the red circular button on the bottom of her phone, smiling from ear to ear. She was a peculiar girl; her blonde hair stayed in an updo that she whipped up every morning, and her closet was a rainbow of colors. I was drawn to her. I thought perhaps it was from the sunshine that radiated out of her pores, but I soon realized she was not as she seemed to those around her.

What people do not realize is that you are never truly alone. You run and hide in your rooms, thinking no one can see the bare skin of your body as you strip, or the things you mutter aloud to absent ears.

Or the box of bones you keep hidden under your bed.

I watched Veronica day after day, meandering along the trail she took quite often out into the woods, bringing the box of bones with her. She kept them hidden in a bag she slung across her back, the soft rattling of the alabaster relics a reminder of how odd she truly was.

I did not understand it, the collection she kept clandestine, how she would scold her mother if she were to enter her room without her notice. She seemed a normal teenager to her parent, the bellicose brewing within her one of the next stages of her adolescent life. But I knew better.

Veronica stood up from the plush couch and entered the marbled corridor that led to her room. The Evergreen family was one of wealth, one that held status within their community. Veronica's father was a man of politics; generational habits glued to his side as he continued the legacy of his family name. What Veronica and her mother, Eloise, did not know, was that Edward had his secrets too. Deep within the basement were shadows of his past, the creature within him clawing at the restraint of skin to escape while he punished those who would oppose him. I was certain Eloise knew, but she turned a blind eye to the actions of the man she shared a bed with every night.

We trailed down the corridor lined with ornate light fixtures, the decor in neutral shades that at times blended together – the exact opposite of where we were heading. Veronica and I entered her room, a sea of pink dotted with a few splatters of lilac and yellow, contrasting the black box beneath the bed. She bent down and flung her arm out beneath the bed frame, grabbing the box and dragging it to her, clutching it tightly to her chest. She sighed and peeled back the top, exposing the decayed remains and poured them into her bag. She pulled out her phone, checking the time before sliding her delicate feet into a dark, worn pair of shoes that I knew she only wore to trek across the damp earth.

She looked over her shoulder back toward her bedroom door and hesitated, listening for footsteps. With none incoming, she unlatched her window and slid it upward, providing her escape. She crawled through the space, and once on the other side, she slowly slid it shut. I passed through the wall, my translucent body not needing a clear passageway between surfaces. She skipped to their backyard that was bordered by a line of ancient oak trees, stretching far and wide. For all the times she came out here, she never seemed afraid; even the first time, when the path was not yet created by her persistent shoes that traveled over untouched dirt. She seemed at peace beneath the dense canopies, not caring about the way they swallowed the sunlight. She had always remembered to bring a flashlight, since most times she stayed later than the sunset. The howls and snaps of sticks never deterred her, which surprised me for how easily human life could be snuffed from existence. At times I wished it had, that the nearest predator would claim her on this side, and I would have the opportunity to claim her on mine so I was no longer destined to an afterlife of solitude.

We had arrived at her sacred space, where she knelt and shook her bag, the bones scattering before she placed them into a circle. She stood with a huff, placing her hands on her curved hips, quirking her red-painted lips to the side before she strutted toward a hollow tree.

Veronica reached inside its entrance, pulling out a leather-bound book and a flat folded game board – only it was not a game, though I think she knew that. She opened and placed the board in the middle of the bones, the ivory remains becoming its guardian. She gingerly placed the book down and reached into a separate pocket of the bag to retrieve her black candles. She placed them along the outside of the bones before standing and returning to the path, heading back to her home.

I waited there for a moment, studying the items. I was about to have the opportunity that I had longed for; finally, I would be seen.

***

It was ten o'clock. This I only knew from overhearing Veronica's conversation earlier, and how I watched the three girls head straight for me. I waited near the board game, eager for them to call out to me.

"Wow, Veronica. You were serious?" A girl whose hair was braided almost down to her bottom said as she crinkled her nose, displeasure curling her lip.

Veronica said, "Don't tell me you're afraid of a Ouija board, Natalie." Her mouth twisted into a sardonic smile as she held her flashlight below her chin, pointing the beam at her face.

"Stop looking at me like that." Natalie gave Veronica a light shove. "You look creepy as hell."

"Do you think this is a good idea? I don't think it's safe out here. Do your parents know, Vee?" The girl's black coils bounced as she walked, her eyes darting around the forest. I assumed this one was Jennifer.

"Why the hell would I tell them? I barely talk to them. Besides, they never ask me what I do in my free time anyway. I don't think they really care." Veronica shrugged, skipping to the circle of bones. "Ta-da! Isn't it cool?" She bent down, picking up the leather-bound book. "I found this out here a long time ago, and I've been trying to research the language. I think it's full of spells."

"Yeah, I'm going home." Jennifer spun on her heel, but Natalie grabbed her by the wrist.

"Oh, no you don't. If I have to do this, so do you." Natalie pulled Jennifer before the circle, looking Veronica up and down. "Well? What now?"

Veronica smiled, her teeth beaming through the stygian night. "Sit, and I will show you." The three girls spread out and sat around the circle. "Hold hands, please."

"Are those real bones?" Natalie questioned, arching an eyebrow.

"Natalie, have I ever done anything half-assed?" Veronica pursed her lips.

"Fair enough," Natalie said. "Are we supposed to light these candles, or are they decoration only?"

"Shit, right." Veronica placed her flashlight on the ground, reaching into the pocket of her jeans and withdrawing a lighter. She lit the candles, the girls' faces washed with an amber glow. I continued to wait patiently, though my restraint was starting to grow thin.

"Alright, okay, shh." Veronica held the book in front of her and said, "To-at locunar rufi-tak lomaz tu dekar –"

"Hold up, are you trying to seriously cast a 'spell'?" Natalie began laughing, wiping the corner of her eye. "Vee, come on. Be serious."

Veronica's mouth was a firm line. "I am being serious. This is a grimoire" – she held up the book – "and everything online says I need to put a protection spell on us before we play."

"Why would we need a protection spell?" Jennifer peeped.

"So a spirit doesn't hurt us. We're going to communicate with the dead, remember?" Veronica flipped her hand out to the side dramatically, still holding the book. "Now, can I continue, please?" Natalie rolled her kohl-rimmed eyes, and Jennifer nodded her head, her hair overtaking her face. Veronica said, "Thank you." She continued muttering the foreign language aloud. A cool breeze slithered through the trees, the flames of the candles flickering, inciting a collection of gasps.

"Does that mean it worked?" Jennifer asked, her eyes locked on the Ouija board.

Veronica shrugged. "I guess we'll find out. Now, put two fingers on the planchette. Do not remove them until we say 'goodbye'. Everyone understand?"

"This is dumb," Natalie mumbled before placing two fingers on the planchette, Jennifer keeping quiet as she too placed her fingers.

Veronica huffed and said, "Okay. Let's begin." She stared at the board intensely. "Is there anyone out there?"

Now was my time. I leaned forward, placing two of my own fingers on the planchette, moving it toward the 'yes'. Their eyes grew wide, their breaths quickening.

"Holy shit."

"Are you doing that?"

"No! It's you doing it. Stop messing with me!"

"I'm not! It's Veronica!"

"Guys, SHUT UP!" Veronica screeched, then rolled her shoulders. "Thank you for joining us tonight. What is your name?"

My name . . . What was my name? I kept my fingers on the planchette, but could not move them.

"I don't think it's working anymore. I–"

I moved the planchette around the board, spelling a new name. One I decided to give myself.

"Eleanor? Sounds old," Natalie said.

Veronica's eyes were daggers. "Don't taunt them. The last thing we need is a pissed-off spirit." She looked around the circle and said, "Where are you from, Eleanor?"

These questions . . . I did not know the answer. It . . . frustrated me, the thoughts swirling around my mind, the answers so close to being grasped but whisking away from my fingertips the moment they caressed the edges.

"H. E. R. E." Veronica cocked her head to the side. "You're from the woods?"

"N.O. Where then?" Jennifer asked.

"H.O.U.S.E," they spelled in unison.

Veronica's face twisted. "You used to live in my house? Only my family has ever lived there. Unless . . ." She pondered. "Unless maybe we built it on some burial ground or maybe it was a former maid? I don't know any Eleanors in my family." She cleared her throat. "Are you a part of my family?"

"Y.E.S," Veronica spelled aloud. I felt as if I were her family. I had been there the day she was brought home, snug in her mother's arms. I had been here as long as I could remember.

Jennifer said, "Maybe she's some aunt or something you didn't know about?"

"Ask better questions. This is boring." Natalie frowned.

"How is this boring? She just said she was my family. I want to know more!" Veronica scowled.

"Were you a good person?"

"Natalie, shut up."

"Have you met the devil?"

"Why don't we ask if she's happy?"

"Have you been to hell?"

"Guys, stop, you're going to piss her off!"

Enough. I threw the planchette from the board, extinguishing the light from the candles.

Silence . . .

"Shit. Where's your lighter, Veronica? Turn on your flashlight at least!" Natalie demanded.

Jennifer's voice was laced with panic. "I'm scared, guys. Please turn on a light. It's pitch black."

Natalie ran her hand across the forest floor and said, "Found the flashlight." She clicked it on, dragging the beam to my face. "Why aren't you saying anything? I'm sure you have a snide comment or two about how you were right."

She was looking at . . . me.

I glanced down at my arms, seeing flesh. I felt the kiss of the chilled ground beneath my bottom, the breeze against my soft skin. I touched my face, feeling the warmth radiating from my cheeks.

"Vee, what's wrong?" Jennifer's brows knitted together.

"I –" I cleared my throat. "Nothing, I'm fine." How did this happen?

"Okay, well, I'm done. Let's go back to your house and watch a movie or something. Preferably something happy. I'm not in the mood for another one of your horror movies." Natalie stood and brushed the dirt from her bottom. Jennifer followed her lead, not a peep coming from her mouth. She kept looking at me, studying my face, trying to see into the layers beneath as if she could feel me, almost see me.

And for the first time in a long time, I was seen.