Hallmark movies are things of yesterday

The fizzy feeling in her stomach solidified as Monica stepped off the train and inhaled the familiar scents of her childhood. It had been 3 years since she had left this place. Three years of working her butt off to get high distinctions at university. Three years of barely sleeping as she worked 2 jobs on top of full time uni just to pay her rent and eat. On one hand it had all paid off...she had secured a job at Cisco as a part of the sustainable technology team and would be heading off to the Amazon in less than 6 weeks to work on a project to effectively implement a sustainable palm oil production strategy that would protect the majestic rainforest and all it’s critters.

On the other hand the homesickness she had felt while she was away and the intense loneliness despite being surrounded by people in Sydney had her almost crying out in relief as the salty scent of the nearby river intermingled with the smell of freshly cut grass and recent rain, she was home. It didn’t appear that anything had changed in her small bush bordered town in somewhat rural NSW. The community mainly stuck to themselves and considering it was just past 2pm on a Wednesday afternoon she wasn’t expecting anyone to be out. Her family didn’t expect her until that night when she would be attending her sister’s bridal shower. The reminder of this fact had her throat thickening as she thought about the events she had missed...the memories she had missed making.

Monica herself was only 23 and hadn’t even thought about settling down, she was more the career driven introverted type...yet her sister, only a year and a half younger was getting married in a few months. Of course Monica had experienced some casual flings at university but none interested her, no the only guy that had piqued her interest was one of the reasons she had hurried away to the big city so quickly to get a jumpstart on her career...not that she would tell anyone this, she knew her sister was aware of  this fact but that was all.

As her thoughts drifted towards romance and the completely differing views her sister and her had towards that particular subject she found herself reflecting upon the last time she was back home. Setting her duffel bag down next to her she threw her arms back in a stretch as she allowed the warm sunbeams to chase away the stale ghosts of old emotions. She didn’t know what she was going to do for the rest of the afternoon. Her phone had died long ago and it’s not like there was anything even remotely close to the train station...as was the way in her small town skirting on the edge of several remote national parks. 

Despite the 5km walk from the dingy train station to her hometown, she found herself looking forward to her few hours of solitude. After spending several years in the near constant noise of one of the world’s most famous cities she was thankful to finally be away from the incessant noise. While she had grown to love Sydney and had even become somewhat of a city chick in her time there she knew her heart always had and would belong to the bush.

Looking around at the towering scribbly gums with their intricate bark and sundappled follige and hearing the local kookaburra’s and bell birds had her finally relaxing for the first time in several days, ever since she had left the city. It was almost eerie being apart from the constant sounds of the city...the talking and road rage, the seagulls cawing and the exhaust. 

Fatigue clawed at her despite being on a train for almost 24hrs and she found herself settling down onto her duffel bag less than elegantly as she closed her eyes and simply bathed in the sunlight, grateful to be home. All it had taken was a few moments for the city girl within her to dissipate and for her true aussie bush heart to take over once again.

She didn’t know how long she sat there simply enjoying the scenery. The warm summer breeze caressed her bare skin almost tenderly, welcoming her back. With her phone’s battery long dead and not a local in sight Monica could catch up on some much needed time in nature. In fact she had to hide back her irritation as she felt a slight tap on her shoulder and the soft clearing of a throat.

“ Aahhhh hey there, sorry to spring up on you I was just wondering if everything was ok? There’s no buses from here unfortunately and you’re quite a trip away from town. Can I call someone for you or give you a lift myself? I’m heading there anyway.”

The familiar tone of his voice had an intense wave of long-suppressed emotions flooding back in an overwhelming manner as she reluctantly turned around to face one of the reasons she had left her hometown several years prior. The familiarity of his features, slightly more angular and rugged...yet still holding his distinctive boyish charm gripped at her long-hidden away heart. The young man before her seemed to have a similar reaction as his dark, almost pupilless eyes widened, his lips opening slightly in shock as he lifted a calloused, paint-splattered hand to rub at the rough stubble lightly covering his face.

The young, somewhat immature 20year old she had left several years before had developed into a man and she wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Her memories of him seemed to be of someone else entirely, someone lost to the continuous passage of time. They both seemed to realise at the same time that the silent pause was growing awkward in length and both seemed to have similar ideas.

“Oh hey Randy”

“ Aaah, what’s up Monica, long time no see”

They both stumbled out awkwardly and Monica could physically feel her face heating up. She hated her easily ability to blush on cue, it makde her normally mostly invisible freckles stand out vividly. With her bright auburn hair and emerald eyes she was often compared to ‘Anne of Green Gables’, especially when her distinctive facial features came out to play.

“ Aah, I apologise Miss Gables...shouldn’t you be off picking wildflowers or running through the fields?”

Randy, the man who had broken her heart several years earlier joked in his distinctive way...it was the reason she couldn’t stand to hear anything remotely related to Anne of Green Gables or anything. It reminded her of him...and now here he was, in front of her. In front of her reminding her of why she hated her freckles, or why she left town...it all came at her at once, and to her embarrassment tears welled up and threatened to spill down her cheeks.

The simple act of him settling down beside her had her defences up and running high as years of memories attempted quite forcefully to make themselves known and she swallowed thickly as she fought just as intensely to hold the memories back and their associated emotions. 

“ You smell different...like..”

“ If you’d been on a train for more than 24hrs you’d smell a bit as well.”

She snapped back angrily. How dare he? Men. He may look more grown up yet deep down he seemed to still be the high school boy she left behind that made fart jokes in front of strangers and had the audacity to...well she didn’t want to think about that right now. She didn’t want to think about the fact that both their families, actually the whole town thought that the high school sweethearts would get married. She didn’t want to think about the fact that he had publicly told her that he wasn’t going to put his romantic life on hold until she got back from ‘playing city girl’ in the big smoke. She didn’t want to think about the fact that he hadn’t supported her in the least sense unless it fit in with his life plan of following in his father’s footsteps and taking over the family farm.

While she loved Randy’s mum she would never be the stay at home farm wife or mother who would spend the rest of her days cleaning the house and raising kids and filling her time with meaningless hobbies like a reading club or embroidery. The very thought of that made her sick to her stomach. She wouldn’t say she was a hardcore feminist but her time in the city had certainly improved her worldview and made her realise that the boy playing man next to her didn’t deserve her. Maybe he deserved 3 years younger Monica, but he didn’t deserve her now. She was an educated, strong, young and intelligent woman who was here to support and love her family before getting on with an exciting career that would make a positive impact on many lives.

So with that she inhaled deeply and studied the magnificence of the view above her with the kookaburras and lorikeets frolicking in the luscious foliage of the gums. This wasn’t going to be a hallmark tale or a star crossed high school lovers story. This was about knowing her role as a young woman at the start of her journey. She didn’t have any time or energy to waste...physically, emotionally or mentally on the whims of immature males. 

Standing up she smiled politely at her ex before looking pointedly at her duffel.

“ I’m fine thanks, please get off my clothes. It’s nice to see you Randy and I’m sure we will catch up soon but at the moment I need a walk.”

 With that, she picked up her bag and started the long walk towards town.  Unlike 3 years ago, this time she walked away from him. Away from the past, away from the person, she used to be...the final chapter closing as she headed towards her future.