Leave me Alone, Not.

“Finally, freaking flipping Friday evening” she sighed as she sat in her crocked-moving car and turned the engine on. She was the last one to lock the office’s doors behind her for the day.

Turning the engine on, her seat is shaking due to the car’s centennial spark plugs and the radio goes on automatically. “I don’t know what she sees in a man like me...” says Captain Beefheart “...but she says she loves me” she sings along. 

It seems rather busy in the city streets. She can’t wait to finally get home and hang out just with herself. In the meantime, she is happy to continue her audio trip till she reaches her house. After the tour with the Captain and while still driving, she walked into the Forest, asked for a Ticket for an Aeroplane, she wished that she was a Bad girl, she even felt like she was getting an Aneurysm, but even after that she continued blaming some War Pigs for the world’s situation, felt like a Man in the Box, romanticized her death after a crash with a double-decker bus, she felt her body trembling when under a threatening storm she would seek for a Shelter, smiled when she imagined calling Mr Postman to give her the letter from her loved one, the same one that would be held by These Arms of her. Then she danced through some precious Dancing Days, sympathized with the Creatures of the Night, and overall kept a personal narrative through her car's radio until she got home.

 Now, she pulls the brakes and starts parking her car in front of her house. “So keep on playing these mind games together…” she repeats just before turning the last reversed back steering bit. “Well, tonight I’m gonna keep on playing them but all by myself!” she comments giggling happily.

.

She turns the engine off. Pulls the hand-break tight to secure the car. The shakiness stops. Silence. It feels like her exhaustion has fumed through the exhaust pipe throughout her ride. She likes this thought. She repeats it " My exhaustion was carried out through the exhaust pipe". She turns the engine on again. The music is on, but she mutes it. The exhaust pipe is working. She breathes out simultaneously the day’s pressure. She likes the croaky sound of her exhaust pipe. It is a pipe for the waste gases to vent...she needs to create one too. In her own self. One pipe to exhale the burned fuels of the day. This is what she is going to do at home in a couple of minutes. Build this pipe. One last time: She turns the engine on, lets it run, engine off. One more time: Again engine on. Yes, yes, this is it! All these years she has been keeping all the toxic leftovers inside her, poisoning her feelings and her self-acceptance. Now not only she will create her own exhaust pipe, but she will call it an "exhaustion pipe"! This is brilliant, she is laughing with this thought, turns on and off the engine to listen to the coughing and relieved sound of the exhaust pipe while repeating in her head "exhaustion pipe".

Her ritual is disrupted by a knock on her car’s window and then a “Hmhm, Sorry, Hi, there!” She can’t hear it but she can lip-read it.

“Hi” she pulls the window down manually while she responds “Can I… can I help you?”. She recognizes her neighbour. 

A talkative, extrovert and chatty neighbour, always dressed in tight, bright coloured, checkered, and ironed clothes in the daylight. Only now, he is wearing some pink fluffy joggers and a tight puffy wind- jacket wrapped with a very bright scarf. The scarf’s colours, shape and luxury make it look almost like a bow tie. He is holding a leash. On the other end of the leash, a very soft, silk-like dog is whining impatiently. It looks like the dog is dragging a human-size gift on the other end of its leash. `He looks really soft and shiny, almost glittering. Both ends of the leash do, in reality.

Neighbour: “Oh, I just wanted to say hi...I was taking Laika for her evening walk outside and ...sorry can you turn the engine off… I don't think you can hear me…”

She: “Oh, it’s fine I can hear you perfectly fine” (she responds to the neighbour although she just read his lips. She doesn't really want her neighbour to be audible).

The neighbour bends closer to her open car window raising his voice. His perfume enters her window car before his breath’s steam does. She reacts to this intrusion by raising her mask over her mouth and nose. Thank god she had the mask. Reminds people to give her space. 

Neighbour: `“Oh, I’m sorry! I don't have my mask with me….I was not planning to talk to anyone, I was just, you know, ready to enjoy the silent night while walking my dog..!”

She: “ Well...”

Neighbour: “So...I saw you sitting all by yourself in the car, turning it on and off...is everything ok? Is it broken? You know I can call Mike, he knows a very good engineer for his car and maybe...”

She: “Oh, nono, no it is working just fine…” (talks in the same hoarse tone as her engine was producing).

Neighbour: ‘But your engine makes this horrific noise, and makes so many fumes, are you sure it’s fine?” (in an orotund tone).

She: “Yes, please, no worries it works by default like this......and I actually love it as it is...To be honest, I was just sitting here, realizing that this is exactly what I need, in order to get rid of all of my trouble! (giggling nervously for opening up out of the blue to such-an-opposite-to her-pole about such a personal idea. Yet she didn't disclose a lot, so it should be fine. She is sure he didn't even get her or pay attention to what she just said).

Neighbour: “Oh... ok, ok then, we will go on our walk but keep in mind that if you want to…” 

She: “Ok, ok, thank you, I will keep it in mind”.

She is pulling the window glass up now again. 

The moment was gone, the silence was gone, she had to leave the car, but now she wants to avoid further contact with the neighbour who, although said “bye”, was still standing out of her car with Laika, still glancing at her and smiling politely, making it clear that he could easily chat further.

“Ugh...ok, I have to get out” she talks to herself, turns the engine off, music off, exhaust pipe off, exhaustion inside her on, no more venting fumes out- only sucking them in.

She steps out of the car, locks it, looks down, turns her back as if she hadn’t noticed the neighbour standing there, and starts walking to her door.

“Goodnight and let me know if you need any help, ok? ” trembled the neighbour’s voice. "Whenever you see light through my window, I am inside!" his voice raised funnily.

She raises her arm, index lifted, with her back turned against him while still walking. Short but not unkind way to say “Bye”. She walks to her door humming "...there is a light and it never goes out...take me home tonight".

She unlocks and pushes the door, takes the shoes off, turns the light on, sanitizes her hands, throws the mask away, washes her hands, turns the radiator on, goes to the bathroom, takes her clothes off, puts her night robe on, heads to the kitchen island, cuts some cheeses from the refrigerator, purs some wine in her glass, adds some pepper in it to give it some kick and smiles. She is ready for her internal "exhaustion pipe" to be discovered and connected. 

Turns the same station on, she liked it in the car.

“Don’t come over, hear what I say...” played the song “Leave me alooooooneeeee” she sang together with Cantrell, smiling and finally feeling her exhaust pipe connecting with some output on her body.

“Shame me, hide your heaaaaart…”

Knock on her door. What? Who? She lowers the music hoping she was mistaken. Silence. She breathes out. Knock repeats louder.

She raises the music louder hoping that whoever it was would think that she did not hear the knocking. 

Really hard knocking on the door. Dog whimpering. Music turns louder. Even harder. Banging on the door. Music is more than powerful now. And then “Diiiing! Doooong!” Repeatedly and interchanging with banging and barking.

“Are you kidding me?” She mumbles.

She goes to her door, looks through the piping hole. It’s the neighbour. He is not alone. Laika and someone else is with him.

Neighbour (between the bangings and the bell- rings): “Hey honey, I know you are in… please don’t do anything silly, we are here for you! Can you hear us, open up please!” his voice is cracking as it gets really high pitched.

She attaches the door chain and opens the door.

She: “Hi…..What’s up?”

Neighbour: “I got us some masks you can open the door, honey, don’t be scared!!!”

She closes her door, closes her eyes, breathes in disbelief and despair, opens the eyes, removes the chain, opens the door.

She “...”

Neighbour, loud: “This is Mike, honey, I was talking to you about him as he knows this specialist for his car…?”

Mike: “Hi, Nice to meet you. Mike.” (he is soft-spoken, no need to shout over the music.)

She (gets loud too): “Hi, nice to meet you too, Mike, but….I don’t need, a specialist for my car, it works perfectly fine.”

Neighbour: “Well, honey, Mike is a specialist too...”

She, louder: “That's great, very kind of you to offer, but I don't need my car to be fixed and I really need to rest right now.”

Neighbour: “He is not a car specialist…”

Pause.

Mike: “I am a psychiatrist”

Neighbour “A shrink”

She: “...what…?”

Neighbour (blushing, shaking, squealing): “Honey, I saw you turning your engine on and off, and your exhaust pipe producing so many fumes, and you were not getting out, and I could see in your eyes that you were in a very dark place, and then you said that the pipe will give you the solution to your problems...and that's when I started realizing that you were maybe rehearsing for something very very stupid…” he started shrieking. 

She: “what...what? What do you...I don't understand...Wait. What? No! Nooooo…. Oh, my gosh, this is such a misunderstanding, no...no….please don’t worry..it is not...I would never...I am not….”

Neighbour (shouting over the earsplitting sound from her radio): “Honey, you need to stop it, we are coming in and we will take care of everything!” Grabs her arm supportively as she tries to step back but stumbles on the dog's leash, while in the background Bowie reassured them all

 “GIMME YOUR HAND, AND... YOU ARE NOT ALONE!”