'Torn Apart'

"Because I said so!"

Sometimes even authority becomes a vague concept, often being translated as "kill joy." My sister, 16, only stood there, giving me a glare. I can't recount how much that phrase has left my mouth.

"Why do you have to take control of everything Derek?!"

"I'm only helping you out, but even consequences can't help you now either!"

She stormed out of the room. Our connection is nothing more than a mere dream. Pity is long gone within the both of us after our parents passed away. I raised both of us when I was 15, she 8. It was hard, often helping around the neighborhood just so I could earn enough for us to eat some bread, but I focused on my studies so I could ensure life ahead of us. With that however, I haven't been by the side of Cara when she needed me. I can only cry as I worked in a restaurant while Cara grieved for the loss of our parents. It was heart-breaking. I pushed everyone away, and now that I changed, so did they.

With that sacrifice, I'm in no position to help her out now. Who am I to help her after all this time? She felt alone as I left her, now despising me as trying to fix my mistake. Overtime, my own kindness deteriorated as our anger grew. Argument after argument, she began to retaliate. I couldn't fight back anymore. She runs away and I can only stay here, waiting. But if she really can't accept me anymore, then I'll let it be that way.

I walked to the kitchen and made myself some homemade coffee. Dark, no milk or sugar, just the way I like it - as my father did. Our own coffee beans, given by my dad's brother, is the only time we'd ever drink one... so this time is the last. I looked around the house, memories flooding back to me but I shed no tears. Their memories have already been clouded by my sister's crying, over and over that I had let it be. I just looked outside the window. The open world waiting to be explored, I could only smile. Maybe there I'll find peace.

I took my last look around the house. It's when I saw the needle and thread, what my mom had loved so much.

~~~

"Good morning Mom!"

"Good morning my little birthday boy."

"I'm no little anymore." I said as she patted me on the head.

Today's the day I turn 15. I don't really care about presents anymore, but today's the very first day both my mom and dad are here.

"Why do you like knitting mom?" I asked her as I watched her.

"It just means so much to me that I could appreciate something like this. Sewing a patch is my favorite though." As she moved in a motion as if it was a state of art.

"That sounds ridiculous.." she laughed.

"It does, but knowing I could mend something broken that only I could do just brings me a hope of joy. It just feels too special to me."

I'll always catch my mom knitting in her room whenever she has spare time. Needle to thread, needle to thread, needle to thread. I'll never like sewing things honestly. I just let my mom be.

I walked outside to find my dad staring out to the sky as my sister ran around outside our gate along with her friends.

"Hey Dad."

"Hey there son.."

"You okay?" he paused.

"Your mom and I have to do something important today okay? I'm sorry."

I watched him. Great. Another miserable special day. "Ok sure.."

---

"What time will you guys be back?"

"In a couple hours. Take care of your little sister ok?" she said as she grabbed her papers. Never really knew what those documents are even though they were there for a couple of months.

"Don't forget your medicine mom."

"Thanks."

I waved her goodbye as she walked into the car, then fading off in the distance.

As the hours flew by, I just stood there waiting for their arrival. I turned the TV on to fill in the silence as my sister slept.

"Breaking news! Today, a car crash was found in Collins Street around 4 o'clock. Police state that the crash was due to speeding. Identity of the victims is to be identified tomorrow but this picture shows the plate number--"

I turned the TV off. This is a joke right? Tears flooded my eyes. My sister greeted me.

"What's going on?"

"Go back to sleep ok?"

"What are you crying for then?"

"It's nothing, just rest ok?"

"What is it?"

"I said it's nothing."

"Brother. What is--"

"I'll go out for a moment ok?" I said, agitated.

"But mom told us you can't lea--"

"GO BACK TO SLEEP BECAUSE I SAID SO." My first ever irrational reasoning, but that didn't matter... No one would care. I left the house and escaped to the night.

~~~

Mending what's broken, like our bond, I guess that's what mom had meant. Well that's impossible. Even I felt exhausted for trying to reason out to Cara - because I already tore her apart. My own reasoning was always "because I said so," - in my terms, it means I give up. She won't listen, she won't trust me, she doesn't want my presence, why should I try? Well today's the last anyways.

I got the last of my stuff packed in my bag and took my coat. All this stuff is heavy but that doesn't matter anymore, no amount of suitcases and backpacks will hold me down. I placed the letter for Cara to read when she got home. As I motioned towards the door, a gust of wind enveloped around me. It was trying to pull me back, but I resented.

"Sorry Mom, sorry Dad, I'll leave now." The wind let go of me as I closed the door. The rain had poured down like before. But I'm no part of this household anymore. Nothing could reason with me anymore. Why? Because I said so.