Toxic Person

Author Disclaimer: Profanity/Mature Content

Now here's the story:

As I'm walking to the store, someone pushes me.

"What the fuck was that for?" I ask.

"You were in my way. Move next time."

People are so fucking rude these days. Which ends up reminding me of my father. He was such a jackass. He was always saying rude shit. Always cussing people out, especially for no reason. Always drinking and driving. Never listened or understood. Did everything out of anger. He was the worst and he was never there. And he was never willing to be there for me.

To me I just wonder, why do people end up becoming parents and they're not even stable themselves. They can't even take care, of themselves. They aren't even nurturing or loving people. I can never get my head around it.

I go into the store to get some groceries to stock up, in the house. I grab the cereal, milk, snacks, candy, poultry, beef, and some TV dinners(and that's when I don't feel like cooking). My mama always told me to eat healthy. So you know what I always do, I grab Lean Cuisine and Healthy Choice TV dinners. They got them out there for a reason, right?

I go to the cash register and I wait in line. Then it's my turn to put the food on the carousel. When I'm walking out the door I hear my name.

What the hell?

I turn around to see my ass-hole of a father. Let me get the fuck up out of here. Now!

I walk as fast as I can to my car, but I assume he was running cause he was in front of me before I even got the chance to get to my car.

"What do you want, Jason?" I ask already wanting this conversation to end.

"I want to be your life as your father."

"Well, don't you think that ship has sailed?"

"Well, can I be in your life as your friend?"

"How about this, you don't be in my life at all."

"Christi, I want to be in your life. I'm sober for 4 years and I'm better. I have a job and I have my own house."

"Good for you. If only you had that and where that when I was younger."

I keep walking and once I get to my car, I put the food in the trunk and I get inside.

"Bye, Jason."

I drive home, crying. I hate this shit already. It's been 15 years since I've seen Jason. I always wondered why he left. Was it because I was a horrible daughter? Or the fact I never did anything that he liked? Or was it because I wouldn't let him abuse and rape me? If so, that's not my fault.

It's not my fault that you did that to me, I think.

I never understood him. And my mom was everything to me until she died about 4 years ago. I've always cried myself to sleep, every single night. I always wondered why people end up going through that.

And my experience, lead me to become a prosecutor for sex crimes. I just couldn't let young people and adults go through that. Or face that on there own. I just couldn't do it, so I went to college and graduated and ever since then I've been a prosecutor. My life has been better without him in it. He was just a very toxic person and I couldn't do what he did to me. Not to anyone I love. Not my fiance, Anna or my son, Noah.

My life has been better without him and it always will be.

I walk through the door with a greeting from Anna and a hug from Noah. They are everything to me and I love them.

"Hey hon. How was your day?"

"It was pretty good. " I sit the groceries down on the counter. "Oh, and I won my case."

"But then I went to the store and it went straight to hell. My day, I mean."

"How?"

"I saw Jason."

"Your dad, Jason?"

" Yes, my dad, Jason," I answer, like nah duh.

"Okay, well then, how are you feeling about that situation?"

Oh, my fiance is a therapist. Yea, I know right.

"I was pissed and sad and reliving it all over again."

"And are you still feeling that way now?"

"No, not after seeing you."

Anna smiles and I put her into my arms. Then she gives me a kiss.

"Nasty," Noah says running to his room.

I look at Anna and she looks at me and we just burst into laughter.

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Later that day, I got two messages from an unknown number. I read it.

It says: Christi, I need you to listen. You don’t have to respond or talk to me. Just listen.

I miss you so much and I’m so sorry for what I did to you. I’m sorry that I put you through that. I’m sorry that I ruined your life. And I’m working on being better. Like I said I’m 4 years sober and I have a job as a manager at a business firm. I just want to be there for you. Whenever you need me, if you need me. I hope that you can forgive me. (I also got this number from looking you up. I see that you became a prosecutor. Good for you! I’m very proud).

Well, I guess he is taking the step. I send him a message.

I say: Hey, Jason. I ‘listened.’ Now you listen to me. It was fucked up what you did to me and it does mean something to me that you apologized. I am trying to work this out. Trying to give you a second chance, the benefit of the doubt. But if you fuck up that’s you and don’t try to contact me again. Do you understand?

He says: Yes, I understand completely. Thank you!!!

I say: Okay. Come to the McDonald's on 6420 Jackie Lane @ 3:35.

He replies so fast, your head can fly off: I will.

At least, I can see him again and confront him. I really do miss my dad. Even if he is a toxic person.

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The next day, at 3 o'clock, I put on some presentable clothes, grab my purse and I go to my car. I get into my car, turn on the radio and I drive off. I make it to the McDonald's and I order me two spicy McChicken's, a vanilla milkshake, and a large fry. I wait at a table and when they call my order, I go to the counter and grab my food. Before I even get to the table, the door opens and Jason walks in.

I got this. I can get through this, I think.

"Over here," I say.

Jason follows the voice, then smiles. He walks toward me and I walk to the table. I put my food down and I start eating.

"Hey, Christi."

"Hey, Jason," I respond after rubbing my mouth. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm willing to have you back in my life, for us to build our relationship. But don't do anything stupid and you won't meet my fiance and son until I see fit."

"I completely understand that," he says.

"Okay."

A minute of silence later, he says:

"I want you to know that I'm sorry for doing the things that I've done to you."

When he finishes the sentence he burst into tears. And that let's me know that he truly is sorry. No need to confront him now. I look down at my food and I grab some fries.

Just forgive him Christi. He is genuinely sorry and from the looks of it, very sad.

I look up, put his face in my hands and I look him deep in the eye and say, "I forgive you."

At the end of the statement, he begins to cry even harder. I get out my side of the booth and walk closer to him. I sit beside him and I give him a gentle hug. I guess toxic people have feelings too.