Reflection

MONDAY 5:30 AM

Forty-four percent of people are morning people, thought Katie. What a large number considering how little you hear of people appreciating mornings.

She sipped coffee and watched the sun as it slowly ascended the stairway of the sky. People often write poetry when they can’t describe the beauty of something through prose-- but, in Katie’s opinion, even poetry could not do mornings justice. She considered them to be an experience that had to be appreciated in the flesh. The chirping of birds, the warmth of coffee, the peacefulness of the house--

“Morning, love.”

--the greetings of her husband. She smiled.

“Good morning dear.” 

He put his arm around her neck and kissed her on the cheek. And then, like all mornings, Katie was reminded of why she loved dawn so fiercely.

TWELVE YEARS EARLIER, SATURDAY 6:16 AM

Katie was slowly awakened by the rising of the sun. The brightness of the sun combined with the crick in her neck was disorienting enough. Then she lifted her head to find that she had fallen asleep on Jackson, her best friend of twelve years-- and crush of seven. 

“What the hell?” She jerked up an arm to rub her neck, only to bust her elbow on a hard surface. “Dammit!” She turned towards it to find the headrest of a seat of a car. It was then that she recalled why she had fallen asleep in a car with her head leaning on the shoulder of Jackson Holland. Guess it wasn’t a dream, she thought, not knowing how to feel about the fact. 

She turned back to Jackson, taking in his features. She knew his face well, yet never got tired of studying it. There was a moment when Katie wondered if she should do something with her hands. Should she brush back his hair? Caress his face? Lay back down and sleep again? After a few moments of half-committing to any of the three, she gave up and sat her hands in her lap. 

She stared at her hands, trying to recall everything from the night before. A sigh. It was too early in the morning to remember. She looked up, noticing-- truly noticing-- the sunrise for the first time. Jackson had driven them out to an empty field, that she could remember. But she didn’t recall how beautiful it was when illuminated by the sunlight; how bountiful with opportunity it appeared to be, until the Apollonian rays struck life into the scene.

“Big sunrise fan?” 

Katie gasped, and turned to Jackson. She smiled sleepily.

“Not usually.”

“Really?” He fixed his focal point to match her view. “I’ve always liked them quite a bit.”

Katie nodded. “I can see why.”

“Mm hm. They’re… Tranquil.” Jackson smiled into the sun. It was a sly smile suggesting mischief in the form of a secret language that only the two of them understood.

“You shut up!” Katie gave him a playful slap on the shoulder.

“I’m just describing the sunrise, jeez!” A moment passed. “So. Seven whole years, huh?”

Katie felt the light of the sun rush up into her cheeks. “Maybe.”

“And you never got tired of me?”

“Nope.”

Jackson grabbed Katie with a delicate turn of the cheek. “Good,” he said, now studying her face. “You know, they always say that the sunrise marks the start of something new”

“Do they now?”

“Yep.”

“Who?”

He laughs. “I’m sure at least someone has said that. Probably Gandhi or something.”

“Oh, great, is Gandhi our relationship counselor?”

Jackson pulled back, his face splattered with pleasant shock. “Relationship! Katie, at least buy me dinner first.” 

Katie shook her head in amusement. “Sorry, no can do.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, I heard that Gandhi once said that the lady shouldn’t buy dinner unless the man offers her a kiss.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

“Well, you can’t deny Gandhi I suppose.”

And Gandhi would have been proud.

FIVE HOURS EARLIER, SATURDAY 12:00 AM

“Katie!” Jackson’s voice creaked, not only from shouting, but also from running harder than he ever had in all his years of varsity football. His girlfriend, Kim, certainly would never catch up to him regardless of how quickly he ran. She didn’t care about him-- she had a party to host. Yet he had a sense of urgency he couldn’t shake. His running slowed as he neared the little red car that Katie drove. He found himself checking his hair and wiping his sweat before approaching the driver window, realizing that he had not planned what he was going to say.

“Hey. Where are you going?” Stupid. Stupid. Stupid, he thought. Why would you say that to her?

“Where do you think?” Katie said. Jackson was taken back for a moment-- she sounded rough, unlike her usual bubbly self. She also had been crying. “Shouldn’t you be with your bimbo bitch girlfriend?”

“No, Katie. What she did-- that was horrible.” He opened his mouth to say more, but there were no words. The two both reflected on the incident. 

“Oh, you think so? Which one got to you, Pin the Tail on the Slut or-- or--” Katie choked up and began sobbing again. Jackson knew she wouldn’t say it. They both knew. Not only did Kim have a “pin the tail on the Slut” game with Katie’s face, she also paid some guys to violate her. If it weren’t for his concern for Katie, Jackson may have let his anger get the better of him right then and there.

“Hey, hey now.” Jackson reached through the window and pulled Katie into a hug. “It’s gonna be okay.” She shuddered in his arms, and he felt his own heart break for his best friend. 

Going around the side, Jackson sat in the passenger seat next to Katie. He looked at her for a long time, noticing the moonlight hitting her hair and skin. She glowed. 

Katie sniffled. “I’m sorry. I’m a mess.” She turned towards the lake, gazing longingly. Jackson simply watched-- and watched-- before realizing that he ought to be comforting the girl.

“What? I mean, no-- No, of course not. Katie, you’re wonderful. Look at me.” 

She did.

“Katie, you’re great. You’re a star. Kim is a dumbass. I don’t know what I was doing with her-- Hell, maybe I just wanted an early access invite to the Spring Break party.” Katie giggled. Jackson smiled. “But, look, my point is that you shouldn’t cry. I mean, you can, if you want to. I mean--” He sighed, trying to find the right words.

“Don’t overwork yourself,” Katie beamed.

“Hey, hey, hey, watch it.” Jackson reciprocated. Then, finally: “My point is, you’re wonderful, Katie. Anyone would be lucky to even be around you.” She smiled softly. “You’re my best friend, Katie.”

Her smile dropped, but only for a moment. “Oh.” She replaced it with a smaller, less genuine version. “Thanks Jackson.”

Confusion overtook him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I mean, nothing else, at least.” She half-giggled. Awkward tension clung to the air.

“Did I-- did I say something wrong? I’m sorry Katie, I--”

“No, no, just drop it Jackson! It’s fine.”

Silence ensued. Katie turned away, now looking intensely at the glittering expanse in front of her. Jackson sighed and felt as though there was a weight crushing him. He looked out to the lake.

“Well then,” he said, reaching for the door handle. “I love ya, Katie. I really do.” He looked at her one last time before opening the door. He stepped out and walked around the front of the car. 

For a moment, Katie’s watched his silhouette march past her view as a foreground for the shining lake. She then had an explosion of clarity. She swung open her door, hitting Jackson right in the stomach.

“Jeez-- Ow!”

“Jackson! I’m so sorry!” 

“It’s whatever,” he claimed, clutching the car to support himself. “What’s the big rush?”

“Oh, right. Look, Jackson, I need to tell you something. Now.”

Jackson looked at her skeptically, then leaned on the car. “Okay.”

A sigh. “Look, Jackson. We’ve always been great friends, right?”

“Yeah, I guess so. Except that one time when you stopped being friends with me ‘cause I beat you at the spelling bee.”

Katie laughed. “I forgot all about that! What word did I lose on?”

“Tranquility.”

“Tranquility! Yes. I was only one letter off. And then you won on--”

“Eclipse?”

“Yes,” Katie smiled. “That one. I was so mad-- I wouldn’t even play foursquare with you.”

“Trust me, I remember. I had no idea what to do for those few days without my partner in crime.” A moment passed as they reminesced. “Good times.”

“Yes.” Katie tried to recall what she was going to say. “But, look, Jackson. We’ve been friends since third grade. Best friends, even. And I value your friendship more than anyone elses.” She sighs. “Maybe that’s why it’s so difficult to say this. And I guess, just now, I thought that maybe you would say it, but then you didn’t, and now this is dumb but I have to get it out-- even if it ends badly and--” She breathes. “Basically, over the past few years, things have.. Changed. Actually, that’s not true. I remember the day it happened.

“We were in freshman year gym class. You and I were sitting on the bleachers, talking about something stupid-- Dodgeball! It was dodgeball-- and how bad I was at it. You mentioned that I had always been bad at sports. I agreed, and said that maybe dodgeball would be my last stretch before sports finally got the better of me. I said maybe I’d get hit and get a concussion. And then you said--”

“I’ll protect you?”

“Yes! You said you would protect me. And I just melted. It seemed so genuine. It was… warm. And then I looked at you funny. I mean, I... perceived you differently. At first, I wrote it off as just a weird day. Then, the next week, when you talked about girls, I found myself getting jealous. I just told myself it was a school girl crush. Now, here we are, seven years later and I still--”

Katie was cut off by a kiss. Her mind spun-- she wondered if it was even real life. Somehow, her thoughts were everything (ohmygodismybreathokaywhatishappeningwhere

doiputmytongue) and nothing all at once. One thing was certain-- she had forgotten all about Kim, the party, and even the lake. 

Jackson pulled away, and the two of them sat in stunned silence. 

“Sorry,” Jackson said, standing up.

“What?! No, no, no!” She grabbed his arms. “That was good. Genuine.”

He smiled. “Well, then. What do you say we get out of here?”

THREE MINUTES EARLIER, FRIDAY 11:57 PM

For 51 weeks of the year, Swayside Lake was known as a tranquil getaway spot for families and couples alike. But one week every year in March turns that reputation into dust. The Carter Lake House was a beautiful addition to the lake’s scenery, but also a bustling one. Kim Carter’s parents “coincidentally” went out of town every spring break she had had in college, thus giving her the perfect opportunity to host the most extravagant event of the year. The unfortunate neighbors who were subject to Kim’s party every year always get the grand sight of the lake, with the moon glittering off of it in star-like spectrals, right next to the enormous mansion with cars on cars on cars lining the water. The neighbors minded their own business, of course— but if they were to look out their window now, they would see a young woman striding to her car as the party exploded with excitement behind her.

Arms crossed, Katie haphazardly jammed buttons on the remote of her car keys, trying desperately to figure out which among the dozens of cars was hers. She speed walked down the line, only barely looking for her car. At the time, Katie was wholly focused on separating herself from the house.

A light beamed onto her face, and Katie groaned before noticing the car was hers. After a moment of realization, Katie swung open the door and hopped behind the wheel. She sat there for a moment, shuddering. Then it all came rushing out.

Katie threw her head backwards as sobs came out violently. Through her tears, her view of a moonlit lake was an endless sky of stars, welcoming her into space away from everyone. That would be nice, she thought, along with other things. Her mind felt like a battlezone as she replayed the night’s events in her head. 

“You whore!” Kim had said, in front of all of the people she did care about and even those she didn’t. “I bet Jackson has no idea about your little pervy shrine for him. Maybe I’ll just let him know.”

All because of a stupid crush.

“It’s all just too much,” Katie cried, putting the keys in the ignition. The car began, and Katie looked out into the lake one more time. The deep, dark, welcoming lake. Her crying paused-- she had an idea. “Fuck this.” Her hand found its way to shift the car into drive. She looked up above, to whatever god there was, and was finally ready to--

“Katie!” 

Jackson’s voice. Oh God, she thought. 

“Katie!”

Wiping her eyes, Katie frowned at the lake. “Maybe another time.”

Little did she know that that was a lie-- Jackson Holland, her sunshine, had saved her life.