Urges: The Darker Shade

Urges: The Dark Shade

It's been a month since my last visit to the mall where she works. I am trying to keep my urges at bay. 

My court appointed psychiatrist said when the urges feel like they are taking over my mind, I should try to focus on something else besides her.

“Go to the library, read a book, watch a movie, go bowling, focus on your artwork, your paintings,” she would tell me. 

I nod my head as she talks, but I am not listening to the words she is saying.  The paintings do not occupy my mind. She is my artwork and when I paint, she is what I see. Her blond hair, blue eyes, and long legs barely hidden under that red-checkered mini skirt. I can’t help staring at her, she’s beautiful, especially when she asked if she could help me as I was standing by the men’s shirts and ties. 

I turned, smiled, and said, “Sure, Belinda, I replied peering at her name tag…I am looking for new tie.” 

“How did you know my name?” she asked.

“Your name tag,” I replied pointing to it just over her right breast.

“Hahaha, oh yeah, duh, What color do you like and is there a special occasion?” she asked.

“My favorite color is red, and it will go nicely with my black pants, and shirt, and yes, it is a very special occasion, I am going to “tie” the knot.” he replied.

“Oh, congratulations sir. Here let me put a few out in different styles so you can try them on to see which one you like best.”

She put five red ties, all different patterns in the fitting room for me.

“If you need anything else, please let me know,” she said walking out the door.

I need to get ahold of myself. What did Dr. Listen say, “occupy your mind.” I shuffled around the fitting room for a few minutes trying to regain control. The problem was that looking at these ties kept pushing me into this dark space of how I was going to tie her up with them when I finally got her.

No, stop it, stop it, stop it. You cannot think like that, it is the reason you went to jail the first time. It is a good thing that girl escaped, and you only did time for assault, next it will be for sexual assault, kidnapping, and who knows what else…maybe murder. Maybe that is what I need, to be locked away somewhere so I cannot hurt anyone ever again…

I had to leave, get out of there. I left the ties on the bench in the fitting room and bolted out of the store. People were looking at me mumbling to myself, go, don’t look back…

I got into my white panel van, put the keys in the ignition, grabbed a hold of the wheel and hit it with both hands, ahhhhhhh!I thrusted my hands in my hair and pulled with both hands, why????

I started the van, backed out of the parking spot, and drove onto International Boulevard, four miles later, I made a left and I was home.

I paced the floor back and forth and finally decided to call my psychiatrist.

“Dr. Listen’ office, may I help you?”

“Yes, this is Darren Spintz and I need to speak to the doctor, it is urgent!” I said.

“I am sorry sir, but the doctor is with a patient right now. I will ask him to call you when he is finished,” she said.

“Okay,” I growled and hung up the phone.

I went into the guest room and uncovered the canvas I had been working on. It was her. I added more golden highlights to herblond hair, and red finger nail polish to her fingers, which matched her red lips. I closed my eyes and imagined her firm full breasts. I began to add soft gray undertones under her breasts. This made them appear as they should be, big and beautiful.

I continued to draw her body onto the canvas, curves in all the right places. Her long legs were crossed in front of her as she leaned naked against the couch. Her red stilettos on but nothing else.

I sat on the stool in front of the painting for a long time until my fantasies were too much. I had to go, I had to have her now.

I went downstairs into the garage, opened the back doors to my panel van. I began grabbing all of the necessary items; a white nylon rope, a blindfold, a green plastic tarp, a knife (checking to be sure if was sharp, I rubbed my finger across theshiny silver blade, owww, a drip of bloodcascaded down the blade), chloroform, a rag, a black face mask, and gloves. I closed the back doors, hopped in the drivers’ seat and sped away towards the mall.

It was only 8 o’clock so I knew I had some time to go back in and buy those ties.

I walked into the mall, the first store on the right was her store; Elegance to Casual Men’s Store. I entered and seen her standing at the register checking out a customer. I paced around the racks acting as if I was looking for something. 

Another worker, “Joe” is what his name tag said, asked, “Can I help you find something sir?” 

“No thanks, I am just looking,”

“Okay, we yell if you need something,” he replied walking towards the back of the store.

Belinda finished with her customer, so I walked towards her. I caught her eye.

“Oh, you came back? What happened, you left so suddenly. Are you still interested in the ties?” she asked.

“Yes, sorry, I had a not-so emergency at home I had to take care of. Do you still have those ties?”

“Yep, I put them to the side in case you did come back today,” she said.

“Here they are, would you like them?” she smiled.

“I will take these four, not five,” I said smiling back.

“Okay, sure no problem, let me ring them up for you.”

She did, I paid in cash, she put them in a bag, I thanked her and left the store. I knew she got off of work at nine o’clock pm, so I went to the van and waited. My parking spot faced the mall door so I could watch her walk to her car. Twenty minutes later, she came out of the door, a security guard stood there holding the door for her.

“Damn, I said to myself, what the hell is he doing there?”

I waited to see if he would go back into the mall, but he didn’t. He walked her to her car and watched to be sure she got in alright. I was so angry. I waited until she backed out of the parking spot and pull forward before I started the van. She was driving a tan Nissan Rogue. 

I began following her onto International Boulevard. Two blocks later, she turned right onto Walnut, and I followed. Then a left on Oak, and into a driveway three houses down.

A man was standing in the driveway, why?? She pulled in, turned off the car, grabbed her purse, and got out of the car. He began hugging her and then kissing her.

I wanted to scream as loud as I could! My urge will wait for another time, but I WILL get her and she will be mine!