A Grey Train

The train was loud and claustrophobic, and I must say I was thankful that I even secured a seat. Even then, the rush hour got the poor individuals almost squeezing against each other, and the steamy sweat smells. The ringings of the phones and the whispers of voices packed the train to the point where I became worried; that even the slightest movement could invoke a massive fight with the people around me. 

‘Yeah I know right? he’s such a-’

‘I’m sorry, I think I could be 10 minutes late as I-’

‘Hello? Yeah. Yeah….Uh….yeah. Almost. Yeah.’

Burst of laughter that hit the unpleasant high pitches. The crying of a young girl and the shushing of the mother trying to calm it down. The noises stacked on top of other noises rang across this box I was stuck in, all on top of the muted sound of the engines that were moving this hell train forward. 

I was exhausted. I’m pretty sure it’s the same for everyone in here. I loosened my ties a little, and let out a sigh through my closed mouth worrying that blowing too much air would annoy someone's skin or the nose; considering I had tuna sandwich just before entering the train. I shut my eyes tight, relaxed them, and tried to find the void. I tried to gain a little peace, at least in my journey back home after my 9 to 5 that persisted so long. 

The smell of the coffees. The stompings of those busy sets of well polished shoes. The papers fluttering, the wheezings of the printers, beepings of the phones, raining down of the clicks on the keyboards with the static sound persisting through the atmosphere due to the ceiling light and the monitor lights shining the room so bright. I was there, in the middle. Clicking, typing, printing, writing, sighing. 

‘Quiet!’ I shouted at myself without words, ‘relax!’

Then, a drop of a single water. I was calm again. The rain was so damn heavy today, even when I was inside the office it almost felt like it’ll soak through the roof with the power it was showering down on the world with. As if mother nature was dawning anger upon the world, grey buildings, grey earth and the grey coloured people were shunned by the arrows of waters shot down by the grey sky. It was trying to pierce us down, and I remember in the office, I suddenly stopped typing, just to look outside the window almost hypnotised. As the rain kept knocking on it before gracefully dripping down.

Like the oiling of a beautiful nude, like a pastel yet to dry, like the rough slits in the space itself, the rain was going strong and the battleroar of the sky occasionally flashing not only sparked fear in me, but also awe. What was work to this? What were the cars to this? what were the people, what were the cars, what were the countless keyboards making a sound, what were the monitors clicking on and off, what were the mere papers that’ll simply soak in this even if you labeled the piece as ‘money’? 

Rain was merciless, rain was pure, it was as strong as it was tender, it was as fearful as it was beautiful. Somehow, it gave me a peace of mind during work. 

By the time I clocked out the rain had stopped. I was in a hurry again as the rush hour trains could put me in a delay, and I was urging to see my wife. Perhaps I’ll tell her about the rain. I ran a little towards the station, beeped the oyster card as I descended down to the cold tunnel that connected directly to the train station. For some reason, although it was packed with people walking through the little tunnel felt so damn lonely, as if I was amongst other toys in the manufacturing line waiting for my turn to be packaged up, and the smell of piss really didn’t help convert my view of the path I had to walk in order to get to the trains. Whenever I’d walk through there, I’d always look at the ground as if I was in shame. It was like I was a little school kid being called to the principal’s office knowing I’d get told off. Maybe it’s the shadows passing by me. Maybe it’s how artificial the whiteness of the fragile walls are with its cracks. Perhaps it’s the asphalt floor looking like a burnt apple crumble. I hated the pathway.

Things didn’t get better when I was waiting for the train either. The graffitis on the walls of the train with varying qualities in their colours (although the fat, purple logo that read ‘DICKENS’ with letters ballooned up and squashed together was actually amusing), the rust and scratches clearly visible on the tracks with the cigarette butts lying around like corpses, The smell of the dirt mixed with steel that came up after the rain didn’t go well with me either. I liked the smell of wet dirt, and I did like the smell of metal, but I didn’t like both mixed up. 

Then came the robotic voice. 

“This is a train to...Raynes Park!” The emulated lady’s voice would always say, albeit with an awkward cutting of the words when she’d say the destination name, “Please mind the gap between the train and the platform.”

It was eerie. I hated it. But then again, I couldn’t fault it either. After all, isn’t that how I am in general along with other people? mechanical, awkward and most importantly, uncanny.

“This is a report about...The current software I’m writing!” I’d engineer some enthusiasm for my boss, “Please mind the gap between your expectations and my output!” 

The train lady spoke again announcing the next stop to snap me back to the present as I was chuckling to myself at the sentiment. My meditation was over, and the train was considerably empty as it would stop at passby stations for busy towns. I’m glad I meditated a little. I could actually breathe. I actually had space.

“Such busy bees.” I muttered to myself. 

At least bees carry honey. At least they help the flowers pollinate. They spread beauty and carry sweetness. What do I carry? What does anyone carry for that matter?

I look outside the window. The sky was so clear after it finished its crying and the blue canvas was mixed with orange and red. The sun was radiating like it too, was stretching after a long day. Under it were the greens, with dots of pinks, red and white. The trees were blooming to show off their fruits or their exotic looks after the winter passed, cherry blossoms clearly starting to meet its season. My heart fluttered like a girl who fell in love and I took a deep breath. My exhaustion was starting to melt.

After a whole lot of this grey, this scenery sure was a colourful display. A breath of fresh air with a wonderful flare.