Hard Chosen Vow Went Wrong

Contemplating what she was to do, Lora paced in front of her living room couch. For a year now, she had faced the problem of her drunken boyfriend, who came home every night vomiting and speaking in slurs. She was getting tired of it and soon it would have to end. A year before, she would have never thought the things that she was thinking to herself, never would she have thought of breaking up with the guy she had known since middle school, he was her high school sweetheart, but now that Damien was 21, he drank all the time, never stopping to listen to her complaints. He came home in such drunken states that he would violently yell at her, throwing objects and breaking things so that now she was on the verge of breaking.

What to do, what to do? Lora thought to herself. There was only one thing left to do other than trying to get him into rehab or some other place, and that was to leave him. But Lora didn’t exactly want to leave him and never thought she would have to, and yet in her current position it was the only thing she could do without his consent. Why does it have to be such a big deal? Lora thought, why do relationships like mine always have to end badly, if they ever do? And why does it have to happen to me? As she paced, she made her difficult yet obvious decision, she had to do what she never thought she would have to do. Never, ever in her life did she think she would have to say the words to the man that she had desperately married and loved since the day they had met nearly five years earlier. She silently made a vow to herself that she would never marry a man again and that she must this day leave him.

“I will,” She said aloud, her voice clear and her tone strict, “I will leave him, and he will understand. I will never marry another man in my life while I live.” She continued to pace the floor anxiously waiting for him to come home, once again drunk, when he finally arrived. He glared at her, his hair disheveled and eyes bloodshot, from the doorway as she paced up and down in front of the couch. I really never should have married him, she thought while slumping into a chair beside the fireplace just behind the couch, and if I hadn’t none of this would ever have had to happen and now, I must get the words out while he’s here and slightly, ever so slightly, himself.

“Damien… I-I have something that I must say,” She stammered just loud enough for him to hear, “And I must say it now…” She stopped as he stepped through the door and settled down in a chair across from her.

He stared at her, his eyes becoming softer, tears came to Lora’s eyes, “Go on,” He said his voice husky and deep but raspy and dry as though he had not had anything to drink for hours now. Lora blinked her eyes and swallowed hard. No, you must not cry, and you must get these words out, she told herself silently.

“Damien, you’ve been drinking too much and going through too many states of drunkenness that I just can’t handle it anymore,” she whined, her voice wavering and her eyes blinking so as to squeeze out tears, “I’m too close to breaking and now it’s time that we end it.” The words came out almost too fast and too harsh, and brutal. She had growled out the words and she knew it hurt him just as much as it hurt her. “Damien, we can’t be together anymore.”

He stared at her blinking back his own tears and growling from deep in his throat. “I know, I know,” he cried, “I’ve been losing myself and it kills me to watch you walking around and seeing me like this. Lora, I know I can fix it just give me a chance.”

“But you’ve already had a chance!” Lora shouted, now sobbing and trying to get up but Damien stood up and blocked her path, “You’ve had a million. No wait, you’ve had a billion. I’ve warned you that you were drinking too much and that it was hurting me, and did you listen? No! You never listen and neither do your buddies who go out to drink with you and bring you back in such states that I don’t even recognize you! Damien I can’t handle this anymore.” She felt as though the chair beneath her was going to collapse but for the fact that it was strong, and she had had it for not a year it held strong though she knew it would. Lora sobbed and Damien knelt beside her, holding her in his arms and speaking quietly to her.

“Lora, darling, I will get help, I will go and pay for rehab or therapy, but don’t leave me, it’s the worst thing you could ever do, please don’t leave me,” he was crying too but not so hard and not so bad as Lora, “Lora, I’m so sorry for this time of hardship, for going out and not coming home until late, Lora please just accept my apology.” Lora sat shaking and sobbing so hard she could not breath, she was hyperventilating breathing in too many times before letting a breath out and it hurt.

“Damien – I’m – so – sorry – that – I – said that” she said between gasps before calming down enough to breath decently normal, “I had so much on my mind, I made a vow, God why did I have to make a vow, I would never leave you not if I could handle it. I would never say those things if I were still alive and could still live through hardships such as these. There are much worse people out there and you need help, but I need to help you.” She stood and sobbed into his arms, she had broken both of her vows, but she was glad, she never could have walked away without hurting herself more than she already was hurting.