Succor

I was not going to have it anymore. It was enough already, enough of the nonsense that everyone now thought of as acceptable. 

"They say it's my fault," Shira cried.

I bent down and put my hands on her knees. "No, don't say that honey. It's not your fault. It's his fault."

My heart bled for her. I stood and opened more windows. The weather was burning hot. The food was on fire and I rushed into the kitchen to check the Jollof rice. I thought of how Shira must have felt having her family turn her back on her. I thought of how betrayed and depressed she must've felt and began to cry. I take slow and steady breaths in and out and try to regain composure. I didn't want her to come see me. I didn't want her to start crying all over again (she had shed enough tears). I reminded myself, I had to be strong for her. I wiped my eyes with my shirt and sat beside her.

"They say I caused it," she muttered. She crosses and uncrosses her fingers nervously. I can tell she’s terribly worried and thinking of something, but I do not ask her. I imagine that when she feels like it, she will tell me.

"Bullshit. You didn't cause anything."

"He said I was the one that seduced him. My gown was too tight and above my knees."

"He's a bastard."

Shira starred into space and sighed. "Now my parents call me a damaged vessel. They tell me that no man would want to marry me again, now that I'm not a virgin. I feel this is all my fault. I shouldn't have gone out that late."

"You were raped. That's absolutely none of your fault."

"…..but, you're the only one that thinks that." 

I stayed quiet. Last time, Amaka had been raped and it was because she had gone out late. The villagers held a meeting and concluded that only a bad girl would go out at night. Her parents had sent her out of the house, like Shira's parents had, and called her a disgrace. They said she had soiled their name on the mud. I had just watched, brokenhearted and silently weeping for her. But that was months backs and I don't know where Amaka is now. She ran away after the incident amidst the insults and mockery she received from the villagers. Shira had come over to my house to think. Her parents had said they didn't want her anymore, that she had disgraced them after all they did for her.

"I'm not going back."

I pretended I didn't quite hear her. "What?"

"I'm leaving. I'm running away like Amaka did. You're the only one I'm telling."

"Where are you going to? Who will stay with you? Who will feed you?"

"I don't know..." She stared into space. "But I'll find my way, that's for sure. I'll come back once in a while to see you."

"I'll miss you," I choked on my words.

-

Its been two years since Shira left. I haven't heard from her. I see her in my dreams though and I know she is doing well. Rape has been more rampant since she's left and the girls have had to leave the village or bear the shame and stigma that came with it. I try to talk to them sometimes, to be of help, to encourage them...but I wish I could do more. The latest rape story is the one that broke the camel's back and shattered my heart to a million pieces. It was one of a five year old girl getting raped. The villagers couldn't cast their normal blame anymore: Her jeans were too tight or look at how short her gown is or why was she walking about at night?

They had just opened their mouths wide, dumfounded and shocked. I realize that's what happens when you don't deal with a problem at the beginning. It's just like a little plant then. Uprooting a small growing plant would not be so difficult. But no, we had let it grow and grow into a mighty big tree with roots spread all around. Then we want to uproot it. I sigh. It would be so much work. I walk to my neighbor's house. She sits on a bench, picking beans and I offer to help her but she playfully refuses. We talk and laugh about so many things and the conversation goes to the rape issues.

"I'm shocked."

"I'm not." I shrug and bite my lower lip as I remember Shira. "The problem started when we started justifying it. We acted like it was the girl's fault and oh, the men didn't have self control. We made the men look like the victims, like one who couldn't help himself when he saw a girl so called ‘improperly dressed', like one who just had to do something when he saw a girl walk about at night. We acted like men were animals. But we know this is not true. Men are not animals and they have self control." I sigh as I tell her this.

"The girls were the real victims."

"No, no, they're not victims. They're survivors."

"We need to do something before the matter gets out of hand."

I don't talk and think about what I can do. I decide I will make a group for all survivors, a group where they can be free to talk about their experiences, a group where they can feel less alone, a group where they can get healing. I smile and think of how proud Shira would be to learn of this. I yearn to have her beside me, to coach those who have been in her shoes. I sigh and breathe slowly. I will start the group as soon as I can and I imagine that in a few years, when Shira finally calls me, I would have created a group of strong women who no longer feel defined by their past.