On Father's Day

Sonny had not met his father since his last visit to his father’s place five years ago. “Could I spend my next summer vacation with you?” Sam remembered pleading with Bob as they left for the airport. “No, you cannot,” Bob had answered in a tone that brooked no argument. Bob had not been in touch since he dropped Sonny at the airport,. News about Bob would trickle in from unexpected sources. But Bob didn’t email or call. Grandfather passed on. Sonny did not know how to inform Bob. Years later, he came to know that Bob was in the same town on the day.

Sonny received a call from an unknown number the night before just when he was going to turn in. It was from Bob, “Can you come across tomorrow to the Green Vale School? I am in town,” Bob asked. “How dare he! After cutting him off for years!” was Sonny’s first thought. But curiosity got the better of him and he reluctantly agreed.

“Why did Bob want to meet him? What would he say to him when they met?” Sonny kept ruminating before he drifted into sleep. He got up when his mother Annie peeped in to check if he was ready for breakfast. As he bit into the croissant she set before him she asked, “How is it? I got it from the new bakery that has opened in the neighbourhood?”  “Not bad”, Sonny replied without looking up. There were too many things on his mind.

He shaved, had a long shower and began to dress slowly. He emerged from his room mid-morning and began to tie the shoelaces of his sneakers. Annie called after him”, “Where are you going? Would you be back for lunch?” “Just going out, I’ll eat out,” he muttered, picked up his helmet and stepped out. Annie heard the his motorbike start and hoped he would drive safely.

Green Vale School was on the outskirts of the city. The drive would take him between an hour to an hour and a half depending on the state of the traffic. “Why couldn’t Bob meet him somewhere in the city centre instead of dragging him sixty kms away?” Sonny wondered but remembered that Bob always had his way. Dismal thoughts about moments when he dearly wished his father had been with him kept Sonny from focusing on driving. He has sailed through all his crises not always successfully with the unstinting support he had from his mother and, of course, his doting grandmother. Now he was all grown up and knew how to handle any situation.

Lost in his thoughts, Sonny made it to the Green Vale School and was led to the teachers’ apartment. He was greeted by his father’s sister Mary and led into the small sitting room where a little boy about six years old was sketching. “Oh, when did you move here?,” he asked Mary politely and looked questioningly in the direction of the little boy who had risen to meet him. Marie ushered him into the kitchen. All along the way, he had been trying to imagine how his father looked now. He saw the shaved head of a man clad in a bright T-shirt and shorts and an apron tied around his waist. Bob stopped stirring whatever he was cooking in the pan and turned to greet him, “I was going to get the lunch ready and join you.” Noticing that he had switched over to a fashionable pair of rimless spectacles, Sonny stood there silently not knowing what to say.

Marie’s presence helped to diffuse the tension. “Why don’t you play with Archie until the food is served?” Sonny gratefully accepted the offer and began to build blocks with Archie. Archie wanted to make a house with a garden sending Sonny back to the garden in which he would play with Bob. He recalled the time when he had climbed on the mango tree and had a nasty fall. When Annie came back and found him lying in Bob’s arms, she had almost fainted with fear. Mother, father and child, the complete family in school book paintings, that Archie had drawn was every child’s dream. Sonny recalled similar paintings he had done when he first learnt to draw.

Bob took off his apron and walked into the sitting room. Father and son, taciturn by nature ,did not know how to break the uncomfortable silence “Food is served. Come, on children”, Marie’s gentle voice came to their rescue. Settling down in his chair, Bob turned to Sonny, “What’s up?” with a familiar icebreaker that did not work anymore. Sonny looked at Bob with a grave look on his face and murmured, “Nothing”. Bob had cooked his favourite meal. But that did not make amends either. Sonny ate in sullen silence leaning towards Marie and Archie and away from Bob. “How could his father expect him to act normally after the long unexplained gap?” Sonny said to himself and threw cold water on Bob’s attempts at conversation. Bob owed him many explanations. Where was he all these years? Why did he not keep in touch? Who was this kid playing in Marie’s house? After an hour or so, he escaped citing heavy traffic as a convenient excuse.

He got back home by the time sun set and disappeared into his room evading Annie’s questions about where he had been shouting “I have a headache, I will lie down for a while.” Annie noticed that Sonny was unusually quiet at dinner but refrained from commenting.  After she had cleared the table and was going to turn in for the night, she peered into his room to check if he was alright. He volunteered to share information, “Dad called last night. I had to drive all the way to Green Vale School to meet him. I had a splitting headache after navigating through the heavy traffic.” Annie knew better than pBobing for more. She had made that mistake when Sonny went on his first visit to his father’s placeand had still not forgiven herself for questioning the child.

Sonny shut his eyes and gradually drifted into sleep. The old nightmare that had haunted him for years returned. He was a little boy in the nightmare. They were in an old house that had a big garden with tall trees. His father was watering the plants and he was chasing goats that had strayed in through the fence. They were cycling down on a road that went around in circles. He could clearlin hear the familiar sound of the harmonium playing and him singing along with Bob. In the next scens, it was pitch dark. He woke up and could not see Bob or Annie. He sleepwalked into the kitchen and was relieved to find her there. She seemed to be fast asleep. He pulled her sleeve and made her come to the bedroom. But where was Bob? He frantically ran from the bedroom to the kitchen to the garden but couldn’t find him. Sonny got up with a start and wondered he was. He was in his own bedroom. He checked the time and tried to go back to sleep.

But blurred images began to compete for space in his mind. He was small and unable to sleep. Anne sat holding him in her arms all day and night. He was standing outside the School Principal’s office. He had broken a serious rule of the school by ordering pizza and sharing it with his roommates in the washroom. The Administrative Officer, a kind ex- army colonel, was playing hand cricket with him to take away his tension. When the Principal pressed the buzzer to call him in Colonel patted his back saying, ”Don’t worry son, you’ll be fine.” But the Principal wore a grim, unrelenting, look that made Sonny shrink. “You will have to leave school immediately. I am going to call your parents.” The rest was a cacophony of sounds and images. The call to his mother. Sonny pleading with the Principal. The Principal dismissing him with a firm wave of his hand. Sonny’s final word, “Had my father been here, you wouldn’t have done this.” He was being escorted home by the Colonel who pressed his hand  and promised him, “You will always be the same for me. You are the little boy I will always remember.” His breaking down on hearing the kind words and letting helpless tears he had been holding back for years fall on his cheeks. Then he was alone in an exam hall in a strange land and he couldn’t remember anything he had read. Bob’s cheque for the college fees for the next quarter did not arrive. He was lying in a bed and Grandmother was applying wet bandages on his forehead. Annie watching anxiously and calling Bob frantically who didn’t answer. Annie did not ever call Bob again.  Exhausted by the slow motion horror movie playing in his head, Sonny went to sleep.

Sonny overslept and remembered that he had a meeting with his teacher. He had precisely 30 minutes to shower, get dressed and eat his breakfast. Annie was waiting to serve him breakfast. He ignored her questioning look, gobbled his breakfast and tore off saying “See you in the evening”. He was irritated the entire day. He refused to join his friends for lunch. When he got back, he retreated into his room. He didn’t want to divulge any details to Annie. But he did blurt out the one that had kept bothering him all day. “There was a small kid. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with the kid”, he muttered in an irritated tone. Annie looked concerned and served him dessert. Sonny escaped to his room and began to sketch a birthday card for his old schoolmate Sophie. He had always had a slight crush on her but she still treated him like a friend.

Sophie was going to be twenty one. Her parents had created a Treasure Hunt for her where she had to find twenty one gifts. All his friends had celebrated their twenty first in style. Someone received his first car, another a fancy motorbike. Their parents bought them clothes, accessories, gadgets and the works and held a grand party for them in fancy restaurants or resorts. Sonny did not care for clothes or other luxury goods. He would have liked a bike though. Nor did he like resort parties. But when the parents joined them in the cake cutting before leaving them to themselves, Sonny would them with a wistful look in his eyes. Even Stephen’s parents who lived in separate adjoining bungalows came together to his birthday party. He recalled how Sam’s Dad would drop him to the school bus in his big car and Sam’s sister would hang on to her Dad’s arms. She was all grown up now and quite a stunner! Even Sophie’s kid brother had grown up and had sprouted a moustache. He tried awfully hard to look happy on Sophie’s special day. But his thoughts kept going back to his lonesome twenty first. Annie asked him to take his friends out to a resort or anywhere he wishes. She had transferred money to his account for anything he wanted to buy. But he neither invited his friends nor bought himself anything. Sensing his mood, she suggested that they go on a weekend forest cruise that he had long wanted to do. When they were on the steamer, everyone in the family called him up to wish him despite the poor connection. But the call Sonny was waiting for did not come. Zorro’s booming voice made him come out of his reverie, “We have a new teacher in our school. He is so cool. His name is Bob.” Sonny almost dropped his drink. “But, but that’s my father”, he spluttered. “You didn’t tell me you had such a fun father”, Zorro complained. But Bob had not told Sonny he had joined the school in the hills Zorro had transferred to.

Bob could be fun when he wanted to be. Hazy memories of Bob’s visits flooded Sonny’s mind taking him back to his childhood. Bob would suddenly appear out of the blue and knock at the door whistling and calling out his name. Sonny would jump out of bed and race to open the door. They would spend the day in Bob’s hotel. Sonny would often shut his eyes and imagine Bob was calling him. Then he would go to sleep hoping that Bob will be back soon.  Bob could be great fun indeed.  Like on the long bike rides. Or chasing the cows who had wandered into their garden. Or the long drive to the Forest Reserve where he had taught Sonny to identify all the flora and fauna. On the long walks in the hill resort where they would wander into fruit orchards and little monks in monasteries. The tennis game in the evenings when Bob got back from work. Making a bed together from pieces of wood. Baking pizza in the oven.

But the five year gap had created a huge chasm that he was unable to cross. Bob made intermittent calls following that meeting to which Sonny replied in monosyllables. He did not know what to say to Bob. Then Bob stopped calling. Sonny did not hear from him for another year. Then came the disclosure again from Zorro, his father had left the school for good one fine day. Sonny was worried but did not call. It was a battle of wills. Six months later came another call from Bob. “I am here now. Can you come and meet me in Brahmin’s for lunch?” Sonny was annoyed. “How dare he ask me to drive all the way to Greenfield?”. But he agreed reluctantly telling Annie not to cook for him. Both the lunch and the meeting were a disappointment. Bob made routine inquiries without volunteering any information about his new job or residence. Sonny wore a sullen look and discouraged all attempts at conversation.  A few sporadic meetings followed with a repeat of the first. Sonny was in no mood to pick up threads again.

Rather he was waiting for the day he could muster the courage to confront Bob with the questions that had haunted him for years. The day presented itself when Annie casually mentioned, “It is Father’s Day. Are you going to meet your father?” Bob retorted, “What is so special about it?” But he did call Bob and drive down to meet him at the meeting point chosen by Bob without informing Annie. He had spent the entire morning rehearsing his questions. But when he saw Bob smiling at him with that complacent look, he almost lost his nerve. But he had to get his answers. Better today than never. Sonny remembered Annie reasoning with him when he missed Bob, “Your father has gone overseas to put you through an expensive school.” But that was no explanation for Bob not calling him home. “Why do you always meet me outside?” Sonny was in a belligerent mood. “None of your business,” Bob replied curtly. Sonny recalled the woman who was sharing Bob’s house when he had first visited him. Bob had introduced her as a colleague. Even at that age, he was smart enough to think that colleagues don’t cook pizzas for you but had refrained from asking Bob anything. Whenever he spent his vacation with Bob, Bob would return late citing extra classes as the reason. Sonny would wait all day working on his school lessons hoping that Bob would return and they would go out to play.

At twenty one, he was old enough to have a clear man to man chat with his father. “Why did you leave?” he blurted. Bob answered in a calm tone without batting an eyelid, “Well, I couldn’t give your mother the good life she had always wanted”. Sonny looked aghast. He thought about how frugal Annie was. She spent only on essentials. She would look at the price of something that caught her eye and leave quietly if it exceeded her budget. He stared hard at Bob, “And me?” Bob looked uncomfortable now, “Oh, I thought your mother would take better care of you than I.. “Yes, of course”, Sonny answered sarcastically. He thought to himself, “You left her with me so that you could go gallivanting around the world.” Bob looked hard into Sonny’s eyes to remind him, “I never defaulted on your school fees, did I?” Sonny gave a wry smile and recalled, “But you were never there for any PTM. Ma would turn up and sit in a corner not wanting to start a conversation with the other parents lest they should ask after you.” He heard himself murmured softly, “People don’t need fees. They need a family.. Bob’s discomfiture was clearly visible, “You must leave before the traffic gets impossible.”

Sonny came back and lay down quietly in his room. Annie noticed he was upset but told herself that she could afford to wait. A few months later, it was her turn to provide explanations. She felt Sonny was now old enough to accept what she had to tell him. “Your father left us when you were burning with high fever. For an entire month. And he wouldn’t let me call a doctor.” she answered without concealing any details. She had a right to hear Bob’s side of the story, Sonny decided. “Is this what he told you?,”Annie sat holding her head in her hands.

Sonny did not call or meet Bob ever again. It was difficult in the beginning. But over the years he got used to it and stopped thinking about him. Time he got rid of his demons, he told himself. But they continue to haunt him till this day.