New beginnings

"Breathe in breathe out. You got this. Smile, and brag but with personality." She repeated to herself sitting there on a cold steel bar stool. The 80's rock music nearly crossed the thin line between overbearing yet enjoyable when paired over colorful drinks that were being used to wash down american fried foods. The energy in the air was unfamiliar, the whole city brought her an unusual feeling of optimism followed by waves on anxiousness. "Hello I'm Jason general manager, pleasure to meet you." She instantly snapped back to the bar stool then extended her arm for a firm handshake "Luna, the pleasure is mine." He wasted no time to get to the point. "You're applying for the server position correct?" She noticed he payed close attention to her eyes so she tried to front the best look of self knowledge she could manage to find. She had lied on her resume and made it seem like she was this seasoned high volume waitress but really she's only worked a small section at a Mexican restaurant a measly 3 months before moving. "Yes I am interested and believe I'm a very compatible candidate." She needed to relax she could feel herself coming off too somber and she could tell by the atmosphere she needed to blend in with the upbeat chaos. He leaned over, grabbed a white napkin with a quirky guitar stamped on the bottom right corner and set it down. "So I hear you just moved to Vegas, what brings you here?" She suddenly felt the thousands of reasons why she did and it formed a knot in her throat. "Money" she said with an assertive tone. There goes that self knowledge she worked to gather up before this conversation. He continued to go on and on about the restaurant's history and why it was constantly busy. While all that was being said all that was going through her mind was how to keep herself from getting in the way of landing this. Everything for the past 2 weeks had been improvised and she could start to feel herself become more uncertain of this city and its luck. But this was not the time to feel insecure especially when trying to lie/impress this sort of cool looking white guy. He was wearing a vintage looking floral print blazer with a band tee on the bottom. "Well you came to the right place." he said while adjusting his collar. She couldn't tell if he was hot or if it was some form of lifestyle he wanted to brand. Where she comes from the pop of the collar meant flashiness a “look what I can do” attitude. If that was the case, she liked it. He then continued to throw questions at her and her answers exceeded his expectations. It was sink or swim for her and she wasn't leaving until he was so fond of her that he'll have to hire her on the spot. He scheduled a second interview. She didn’t know how to feel as she made her way back to the street to catch her ride. There was a quick moment of silence in the elevator and she could feel herself ready to burst into tears if it lasted any longer. But she held it in because she knew once those doors opened the noise of the heavily populated strip would drown her out. It would make her feel even smaller, it didn’t matter how she felt this city would keep turning and never miss a beat. Calling someone and telling them all these things was out of the question she didn’t want anyone to give her the “I told you so” speech. Or worse, the “you can always come home” line, those acute slivers of hope they thought they gave her were basically a nice way of telling her to give up. She left behind everything and everyone and at that moment felt beyond selfish because she knew people needed her back home. Her sister was stuck with a baby and no father and the boy she broke things off with was already preparing to ask her mom for her hand in marriage. Deep down she knew that was her red flag she needed to get out before others took control of her life. Her mind slowly drifted back to 2015 as she looked outside her Ubers window. The flashing lights of the city were no longer exciting or drew her in like the first night. They made her feel even more disconnected so she went back to a time she knew. A time where everything was new but not too far away. The year she left for college and her family was only 4 freeway exits away and the friends she made there instantly felt like family. She met a guy who loved her as soon as he laid eyes on her and didn’t let go of her since then. She remembered their first kiss and their first apartment and their first family visit. And it was almost like divine intervention as soon as that thought crossed her mind the smell she related with it followed. She remembered how awful San Francisco smelled that Christmas but how happy she was to be there. That same rancid low tide smell started making its way up her nose and it was almost bitter sweet. This city was no different from that one and it gave her this unique sense of comfort that putrid smell. She remembered how nervous she was to meet everyone and how he gently touched her face kissed her on her forehead and told her “don’t worry everyone is going to love you”. She repeated that to herself “don’t worry, everyone is going to love you” That city smell that would turn anyone off hugged her when she needed it the most. She found beauty in the struggle and how you don’t need people around constantly telling you things to make you feel at ease. If those people are sincere enough those words will stick forever because they have meaning. As much as she would love to call him and tell him she knew he wasn’t going to answer. She left him heartbroken; he didn’t understand what this move meant to her. But to her that smell was enough to get her through. The car came to a stop and she thanked the driver and got out. The smell was gone but the thought stayed. She could do this she had no choice. All this hurt and sacrifice had to mean something. You can’t put yourself through the fire and not come out sculpted. As she tucked herself into the pull out couch that night she repeated to herself “don’t worry everyone is going to love you” and drifted to sleep. She hoped the city would smell like low tide the next morning before her second interview because she was going to get what’s hers.