i'll trade ya

My heart wasn't in my words but his was.

" And do you think-,..." Was all I needed to hear to stop listening. Because I do think, and am constantly reminded of thinking too much despite what I slaved to do. But not by him though, but by me.

December 7th 2016

Chest aching I pulled the box off the shelf, nearly missing my face as my fingers slipped, as it fell towards my head. 

" Are you insane?!" He yelled from the room over, as I struggled for a breath. No, I wanted to say, I was being helpful. But all that came out was a small defeated yes. 

March 14th 2018

Catching the glass vase at the last possible second, I tumbled forward, surprisingly saving the glass wonder in the process. But standing up, head pounding, heart racing and arms burning from various cuts, I returned his priceless piece as he gave nothing more than a side eye.

January 3rd 2019

" You said it right? You said you did it?" He smiled as I shook my head despite my true innocence. I didn't cause the alarm to go off in the building. But to protect his reputation and career, someone else had to admit it.

Two Months Ago

"Get out of here." Was the first thing I heard when I came out of my thoughts. Was he telling me to leave? 

" Why?" I demanded unsteadily as his eyes took on a new rage as fire caught in my throat.

" After slaving and bending backwards for you I should leave? After your family abandoned you, and I took you in, I should leave?!" I screamed at him regaining my dignity.

" Your talking nonsense! You've provided nothing but a bed, roof and food! I did all the work trying to rebuild my life! And you call yourself a friend! Huh! Crap is what it's been "living" with you!" He roared as I stumbled a step back. Crap? I thought as my eyes burned. It was more for me than him.

" I'll trade you then." I said slowly, thinking over my next words.

" Trade me what?!" He yelled at the top of his lungs as he walked closer with one hand mysteriously behind his back, but ignoring it, I continued.

" A life with no me, for an exchange for a life with no you." I said looking up as my eyes misted but for reasons of something else entirely.

    " Are you saying we both die? Because that's all I'm hearing from you." He seethed, as he stopped inches from my face. 

    " No." I said calmly, as a thought ran through. He was right, it's not for the better, if we both go...

    " You gonna say something else?" He spat, as I refocused onto him reheating my anger. I did too much to throw my life away.

    " Yes actually, an agreement to establish."

CURRENT TIME

    Pausing from the story, I took a breath. I had a lot to say. But thinking back to what I did,.. I didn't feel guilt,...More like a sense of clarity? Freedom? I felt myself again, and being myself made me happy.

    " Why are you smiling? Is there more to the story?" My therapist asked as she looked at me with her notepad and pencil ready.

    " Oh, just nothing." I said grinning as I layed down on the burgundy couch with my hands behind my head. 

    " Where is he Reina, where is Vince? You can tell me." She beckoned as she sat on the edge of her seat. 

    Her questions felt like cotton balls to me, unlike the police officer a month ago, his felt like glass. So frowning at the thought I spoke.

    " He held his end of the bargain." I mumbled as my therapist strained to hear.

    " Where is he, Reina?" She asked again, obviously getting frustrated as her words turned from cotton balls to ice. 

    "No." I whispered aloud in attempt to block her out. Why was I being questioned? The agreement was clear, and it was executed the same way. I'm here, because I deserve to be. I'm the good guy.

    " She's not responding, take her back, our secession is done." Brought me back to reality as two police officers emerged from behind me, making my thought run in a loop.

    " I don't deserve this! I sacrificed everything!" I screamed as I was dragged away. 

    " You deserve everything that's coming to you." My therapist, called out as she closed her room door. 

    " I helped him, bent backwards,...I risked my health for him!" I continued as I kicked and screamed. How was it possible for him to still get the best of me, in his death? How am I being walked over by a dead man?

    " Nooo!" I screamed a final time before I was hit beside my temple and knocked out.

***

    Waking up, I was met by a man in a suit staring at me.

    " What? Who are you?" I mumbled as I tried to wipe my eyes, only to find myself handcuffed to a kitchen table.

    " Your court date is tomorrow, but I managed to get you here for tonight before you get sentenced." He smirked as the blood drained from my face. Something wasn't right, this wasn't how the law works.

    " I'm supposed to be in police custody. And i-,.." I said before he cut me off with his shushing. 

    " Supposed to be, is right." He smiled as I began to recognize him. 

     " You noticed the house? Yeah I especially loved the new bloodstains, it compliments the resident." He said sarcastically, with a hitch in his voice.

    " You remember me right Reina? Its Alan." He whispered as he sat next to me. Alan,...Vince's brother.

    " You know it only takes a couple hundred thousand dollars, to ya know, accidentally lose the perpetrator." He smiled sickly.

    " Why are you doing this?" I said softly, already knowing the answer.

    " You killed my brother, my only brother!" He spat in my face as Vince would.

    " You left him behind." I said back uncertain about the sudden anger towards him.

    " You wanna play like that huh?" He said in an angered calm, as he slapped me from across the table. 

    " You know, I heard the end of your conversation. The I'll trade ya, crap." He yelled, as I remembered the scene. He was on the phone, he had called Alan.

    " Then you should know he agreed to it then." I said desperately in a rush, as my mind went to the extremes of what will happen to me.

    " No, I didn't actually. I couldn't hear over my brother pleading for mercy." He said standing up brushing off his suit. Allowing me to noticed his appearance; Black hair swoshed perfectly to the side, matched the cleanliness of his dark blue suit and tie. His face twisted with anger, was near identical to Vince's. From their brown eyes to the crease on the side if their mouths when they smile. But their voices were different, Vince didn't have an accent, and Alan di-,....Wait. 

    " Say my name." I said steadily, as the pieces fell into place. Alan never says my name, because his accent prevents him to. But Vince didn't have one.

    " Reina." He said in a perfect American accent with a smile. Vince? I thought as my brain twisted.

    " Vince...Why would you,..." I began as he shook his head no. 

    " No questions, like your agreement." He grinned as he pulled a knife out of its holder. 

    " A fair trade don't ya think?" He chuckled as he placed the knife in front of me, before walking towards the door.

    " I said no, you." I spat at him, angry all over again. 

    " You tricked me! I killed Alan!" I said as I regretted speaking in the first place.

    " A trade is a trade Reina. All is fair in love and war right?" Was all he said as he reached for the door.

    "Where are you going? Why did you leave the knife?" I screamed after him as he unlocked it.

    " I don't need to see what happens next. Tomorrow you'll be sentenced for killing me, if you live to see it rather." He laughed as he left. 

***

  A clicking sound woke me from my slumber as the pressure around my wrist was released. I'm unlocked? I thought as I stared at knife in front of me, as my hands inched towards it despite my restraint. 

    " Maybe it was for the better," I said aloud thinking back to the original thought: " A life with no me, for an exchange for a life with no you."