The Black Sheep

Jenny’s stomach clenched when she looked at the calendar. It was the day after Halloween, and that meant that the holiday season had officially begun. Over the next few months, there would be family dinners and get-togethers. She felt the clenching sensations and endured nausea and inclination to throw up.

Once again, Jenny would have no choice but to endure being in the same room with her. No one else seemed to see or care about how the old woman treated her. And it was always the same. When they greeted one another at the door, everything seemed hopeful. But as the evening or day wore on, the digs and barbs came her way.

Jenny’s mother-in-law hated her. There wasn’t any question. And she was helpless. Her husband refused to acknowledge the problem. Her kids only saw the old woman as a source of gifts and sugary drinks, precisely the kind that Jenny didn’t let them have.

And it all began on the very first day that her mother-in-law, known to everyone as Sue, started a campaign against Jenny. For a long time, Jenny tried to tell herself that she imagined it all, but there was no denying it by the second year of her marriage. Her mother-in-law simply didn’t want her to be married to her son, thereby belonging to the family. 

The big question was why. It turned out that Sue had a completely different wife in mind for Jenny’s husband. Norm had dated a young girl from the neighborhood while he was in high school was considered perfect. She was blonde, blue-eyed, and quiet. But her number one quality was that she worshipped the ground that Sue walked on. In Lilly’s opinion, Sue was perfect. And she would make the ideal mother-in-law.

Jenny had proof to the opposite, but it didn’t matter. Everyone loved Sue. Anyone who wasn’t a part of the immediate family was treated like they were royalty. Sue loved that there was always a dinner invitation here and a birthday party there. Her social life was full, but she insisted she is surrounded by her children and grandchildren during the holidays.

It was only the week before Halloween, and already the emails about Thanksgiving plans were being sent back and forth. Of course, Jenny’s sisters-in-law didn’t help the cause. They played along with their mother’s goals, and yet at the last minute, no one could bring what they promised, and it all fell to Jenny. In fact, she couldn’t remember the last time that she and Norm hadn’t purchased all the groceries for the holiday meals.

And maybe that was where the problem lies. Norm had a generous salary. The family considered it unfair. Never mind that Norm put himself through college by joining the Navy right out of high school. And no one acknowledged that Jenny supported their family while Norm finished the Masters’ program that would secure their future. Instead, everyone just grew more and more jealous as the years went by.

Jenny was practically ashamed to talk about the new house they built at any family function. When she had thrown an open house to celebrate, none of the family came. And Sue went out of her way to discourage the extended family from coming, too. 

The same kinds of things happened when each of the children was born. No one from the family attended her baby showers or even participated in the christenings. Jenny’s feelings were so hurt at times she ached from head to toe. 

Am I such a bad person? I try not to brag about anything. And we do have a lot to brag about. Last year, when we took the kids to Disneyland and later went on a cruise, I couldn’t mention it at the Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner tables.

It doesn’t make sense, but I’m the one in therapy. I go once a week and try to find out what I did and why my life is miserable. But last week, the counselor suggested keeps rolling around in my mind.

He said that the best thing I could do was stop being around the toxic people to me. 

And maybe, just maybe, that’s what I should do.

But what about Norm and the kids? Do I just stay home by myself during the holidays? Or do I insist on having my family together without the toxicity of the extended relatives?

I just don’t know what to do. But I think cutting all ties with Sue would be a good idea. I could stop feeling so bad every time the calendar page turns to November.

Norm was sitting at the kitchen table with the newspaper open to the financial section. He liked to watch the value of their stock portfolio go up and occasionally down. It was his own little way of enjoying their money.

“Honey?”

Norm’s grunt was his acknowledgment of Jenny’s question.

“Could we talk a moment?”

He put the paper down and folded his arms with his elbows resting on the table. “Shoot, I’m all ears, baby.”

Jenny felt her face fall into a smile. Somehow, Norm was always so easy going. It felt like he wasn’t really a part of his family. He did everything with Jenny’s feelings in mind, and he loved her unconditionally.

“The other day in my therapy appointment, my counselor, John, made an interesting suggestion.”

“What did he say?”

“Well, he thinks maybe one way that I can start to feel better is to stay away from your family.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, and I must tell you that as the holidays get closer and closer, I’m feeling more and more anxious. And it happens every year. I’m on edge, and I can’t really enjoy this time of year.”

“Okay. I hear what you’re saying, and I know my family is rough on you. But what about the kids? They think my mother is a good grandmother. They don’t see what I see.”

“And what do you see?”

“My mother treats you like shit. And she encourages my sisters to treat you like shit. And no matter how many times I’ve pointed it out and asked her to back off, it doesn’t do any good.”

“So, maybe our children need to know I shouldn’t be treated like that. I think they see more than we want to believe. 

“When we’re over at your mother’s sometimes, they get a little bit disrespectful. They treat me differently.”

Jenny watched Norm process this new bit of information. She could tell he was thinking and evaluating the situation. Finally, he gave her his answer.

“You mean more to me than anything or anyone in the world. I’ll call my mother tonight and tell her we won’t be around anymore. I know she will cry and carry on, but I can’t let you go on feeling this way. After all, you’re my queen.”

Jenny felt the weight on her shoulders lift. She went into Norm’s arms and rejoiced. She didn’t have to play the martyr anymore.