Positive

 From anticipation, pure excitement, to deep-seeded depression. These past five years had been a roller coaster of emotions.

Would this be yet another heartbreak? Would it fill us with anguish? Could this break us up?

I sat with my head in my hands, hair falling around my face, a stray tear landing on my lap.

"Honey, is everything okay in there? You have been in there for quite some time," My husband's soft words set me free of my constricting thoughts.

"Just a few more minutes," I managed.

My ears were met with only the sound of his retreating footsteps.

We had not discussed the current situation as I did not know if I had it in me to have that conversation once more.

I rose to my feet and leaned against the basin, my reflection was that of a familiar face when it came to situations like these. Red, puffy eyes and a grim expression.

The box was now firmly grasped in my hand, all I had to do was open it but my mind began to wander.

The very first time, we were so excited about the idea of our new future. It would be brilliant!

We had just moved to Arizona with new, better paying jobs. A brand new house with more than enough room.

But the universe had a different plan.

A sick little game to be played.

"Maybe it was just a one time thing," my husband had once said.

"We can not give up if this is truly what we desire," the words of encouragement echoed through my head.

Those words were repeated again and again and again for two years until finally there were no more words to be said.

We had even met with a professional.

Thousands of dollars later, I was in the same position.

The small flame of hope had been snuffed many times, but this was different.

It was sure to work. A professional doctor was involved. The thousands of dollars spent were sure to make it a success!

But alas, it was a failure.

Maybe it was just meant to be. Maybe I had made a grave mistake in a past life and this was my punishment.

Appointment after appointment, payment after payment, argument after argument.

Our marriage had even begun to fall apart at the four-year mark. The constant tension had made us resentful. Counseling was the next step. We would not have much of a future if all that we did was argue and place blame.

A knock on the door had pulled me into the present once more.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"We need to talk," I opened the door hesitantly.

"Of course, is everything okay? You look pale," worry creased his brow.

I could not even meet his worried gaze. I felt sick to my stomach.

"Sweetheart what are yo-" he fell short as his eyes took notice of the box on the counter.

Within seconds his arms had wrapped themselves around me.

"Whatever it is, it's okay. We've made it this far, right?" he placed a reassuring kiss to my forehead.

"I don't think I'm ready yet.." I mumbled against his shoulder.

"Let's get you some water," I followed silently behind him and down to the kitchen.

Even though these past few years he never stopped supporting me.

"I was feeling ill but I figured it was a bug or something! I wasn't thinking it was... You know. I only got it today but I couldn't bring myself to check yet. I am so sorry I didn't come to you sooner..."

He handed me a glass of water and sat down next to me, rubbing soothing circles on my shoulder.

Sipping on the water, I turned to him, "Thank you for always being by my side."

I was met with a soft yet encouraging smile, "Are you ready?"

A few moments later I was back in the position I was a mere 30 minutes prior. The only difference? My husband was rightly by my side.

"I set the timer on my phone," he trailed off, empty eyes staring holes into the wall.

It had hit him at that moment after us giving up for months, maybe this was it. But the thought of another failed pregnancy test had still loomed over us like a thick fog.

"What if this time it's different," you encouraged quietly.

Both of our eyes had met for a split second then quickly fell to the floor.

He reached a hand out to grasp my own, "I love you," he whispered.

"No matter what," you gave a sad smile as the timer on his phone began to ring.

All of a sudden he shot up off the ground from beside you and to the counter, forgetting to silence the timer.

With the test in hand, he gave you one last hug, "Would you like to or me?"

"I don't think.." You averted your eyes.

With an understanding nod, he wearily glanced down to the test.

Everyone always says the stress of trying for so long can ruin the results. Maybe us giving up for a while and focusing on our marriage had truly done us some good?

There was always a shred of hope that one day our wishes would come true, even with the many hurdles to get there.

Tears started to form in his eyes and you sighed.

You knew you should not have let yourself be hopeful, even if deep down you knew what the outcome would be.

No baby, once more. You could add another tick mark under failed attempts of having a child.

"I knew it wasn't going to happen. I'm sorry," tears started to fall free from your eyes, "I shouldn't have gotten your hopes up."

He dropped the test in the sink and crashed into you, "I'M GOING TO BE A FATHER."

I shook my head in disbelief, that can't be! His facial expressions clearly stated otherwise...

"What?!"

"We're going to be parents, after all, look!" He reached into the sink and brought the test into view.

Sure enough, the little plus sign was displayed and my jaw hit the floor.

"I'm going to be a mom," I whispered in disbelief.

Five years... Five years of nonstop waiting and we're going to be parents!