Mother Knows Best

I was in labor for 14 hours before Jennifer was born.  Richard and I were excited to welcome her into our world and expected her to come out perfect.  I had done everything I could to ensure that she would be a happy and healthy baby.  I ate all the right foods, exercised five times a week and got eight hours of sleep every night. 

Well, Jennifer was born right on time, weighing in at a healthy 7 pounds and twenty inches with the most beautiful face and dark brown chocolate eyes.  We took her home after only two days and Richard and I were both in heaven.  

It wasn’t until Jennifer turned three,  that we discovered while Jennifer was able to walk had not spoken a word.  Not even simple words like mama or dada.  We noticed too that when she played it was in a back and forth movement (like she was in a rocking chair). We also noticed that she never looked into our eyes or focus on our faces.  It was almost as though she were in another world.  So we took her to the pediatrician and shared our concerns with him.   

“Maybe  she is not ready to say anything.  But just to make sure she is okay, I would like to send her for some tests;  we will check her hearing, neurological systems and see what we can find out.”

“Ok, I said, and let out a sigh of relief.”

The relief I felt after leaving the doctor’s office was shattered when we were called back to the  office two weeks later.  The doctors discovered that Jennifer was stone deaf, and showed early signs of being on the spectrum.  But it definitely explained why Jennifer was not talking, and moving back and forth in a rocking motion.  

As the year went by we found ourselves busy with speech therapists, psychologists and any program that we could get our daughter into.  It was so stressful in the house at times, that Richard and I would get into screaming matches.  I had to be strong for all three of us and I was emotionally exhausted.  

We did everything we could to deal with Jennifer.  We could not enroll her in regular school and there were very few programs available to children in our area.  She loved looking at pictured books but was too young to learn sign language.  If she wanted something and couldn’t get it she would have temper tantrums, or sit on the floor rocking back and forth until she fell asleep where she sat.

My relationship with Richard also started going downhill, and finally one night in January, as we were getting ready for bed he told me how bad he felt; insinuating that Jennifer’s disabilities were more than he could handle.

“I can not live like this anymore.  All we do is argue and Jennifer is still no closer to making progress other than a few grunts and syllables.  I think we need  to send her away to a school of some kind where they can help her more than we can.”

“No I said, you will not send her to any special schools.  She is staying right here with us.  We will get through this together, all three of us.”

“You really leave me with no choice.  I cannot stay. Our daughter will never amount to anything.  She will be in a cocoon for ever.  She’ll never marry, or have children.  Richard found himself an apartment and left me six weeks later.  

When Richard left, I began to think of stories that I had heard through other people, and movies that I had seen.  I never thought that I would become a victim.  And so the loss of my husband brought me to a state of action.  I was determined to make things work; to help Jennifer be the child that I had dreamed we would have.

One afternoon, when I was sitting in the pediatrician’s office, I picked up a copy of TIME Magazine and read about programs that were being offered to children with similar disabilities.  I found one such program with “new horizons”, a school for special children.  

I called the school the next day and arranged a meeting with the director of the school.  I explained my circumstances and learned that Jennifer was accepted in to the program.

Jennifer started attending the school every day.  There were six other children in the class with her.  Every day the teachers would work on social skills, speech, and learn to speak using  sign language.  I was also taught the basics of sign language so that within a short time, Jennifer and I could communicate.  Jennifer was blossoming for the first time in her life and started to come out of her shell.

One morning, I received a call from Jennifer’s pediatrician who let me know that while at a medical conference he met an audiologist whio had developed a small implant for children, to allow them to hear sounds with high level vibrations.  The doctor was looking for candidates to test out the implant and all expenses were paid for participating in the program.  They had great results with adults, but wanted to learn if children would benefit from the procedure.

“What exactly is a cochlear implant?”, I asked him. 

“A cochlear implant is a small electronic device that electrically stimulates the cochlear nerve (nerve for hearing). The implant has external and internal parts. The external part sits behind the ear. It picks up sounds with a microphone. It then processes the sound and transmits it to the internal part of the implant”  If the surgery is successful, she will actually be able to hear sounds.”

I decided to go ahead with the idea and submit an application for her to get into the program.  After a thorough health examination was performed and Jennifer was accepted as a candidate.

The surgery was a success and  Jennifer heard the sound of my voice, the sound of street cars passing in the street and the chiming of the church bells.  It was a feeling that I couldn’t experience for her, but delightfully shared with her.

Children who are on the spectrum often have hidden talents and Jennifer's talents showed themselves when she started attending high school.  She had always loved to draw and paint as she was growing up and I must admit that she was able to draw exactly what she saw in front of her.  She was placed in an art class, and fell in love with the great artists like Picaso, Rembrandt and Cezanne.  The class was given an assignment to find a piece of art that they liked and see if they could paint it.

Jennifer loved “the basket of apples” by Cezanne and painted it almost to perfection.  The art teacher was amazed at the talent that Jennifer displayed and submitted the painting in a community contest.  She was the first prize winner and invited to participate in further contests.

Her paintings were recognized in Art Schools around the country with scholarships from  such distinguished schools, including Columbia University, and Parson’s School of Design.

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It was Jennifer’s birthday and we were getting ready to entertain a few friends for the evening when the doorbell rang.  I went to open the door, expecting that it would be one of our guests, but to my surprise it was Richard  He had a bouquet of flowers in his hand and a gift for Jennifer.

“What are you doing here?  

“I spoke with Jennifer last night and she invited me to celebrate her birthday.  We have actually been talking for a few weeks.  I learned of her success in the art field and must confess that I am very impressed with the way she has overcome her problems.  I must thank you and apologize for leaving you alone with her.”

“I would like to visit her some time and become a part of her life again.  But it is up to you.  Would you give me another try?  

I did not know how to answer him.  In a way I still loved him and wanted to be with him but it was Jennifer who actually convinced me to give him another chance.  She wanted him to be back in her life.  It took a while, but we managed to work things out between us.

Jennifer became engaged the following summer.  On the night before her wedding she came into my room and thanked me for all the support I had given her when she needed it. 

“I know you are still angry at dad, but I have forgiven him.  He made a mistake by leaving us, but we all make mistakes.  It is time for us to be a family.