Until

I hate hospitals. I look around the small waiting area and I can see that I wasn’t the only one. No matter the reason, hospitals always have the air of tension and uncertainty. The reason for my vigil is nothing bad, per se. My younger sister is about to give birth. And as excited I am to welcome a new member of the family, I cannot help but feel tense. I saw my mother praying quietly in the corner of the room. No doubt asking God and all the saints in heaven to keep her baby girl safe. Athena is a strong girl, having married right after college to her high school sweetheart. My parents were shocked when they found out, but Athena was adamant, she was getting married, and that was that.

It’s not that we don’t like Michael, her husband. We have known him for years. They were inseparable growing up, from best friends to lovers. Michael is smart, works hard as an computer engineer in the city. Athena is willful, stubborn and independent. Once she makes up her mind to do something, well, she will do it come hell or high water. So at the age of 22, after finishing her teaching degree, she and Michael got married. I was one of the groomsmen. I was happy for my sister. I’m glad she found someone that will love and take care of her.

“Theo. Do you have any cigarettes?” My dad asked. My dad is trying hard to hide it, but I could hear the crack in his voice. After all, this was his only daughter giving birth. “Dad, I thought you quit? If mom sees you smoking…” I said, sneaking a look at my mom. She is still praying, clutching her Rosary in her hand. “Sshhh. Not so loud. Your mom might hear. I can’t help it, I’m nervous. Aren’t you nervous? Your sister is giving birth in there. A baby is coming out of her…” “Dad! Come on! Gross! That’s my sister! Jesus!” I half whispered, half shouted. My dad has no filter, sometimes. “How do you think I feel? That’s my baby in there. Anyways, I know why I am on edge. Why do you look like you are about to have a heart attack?’ my dad asked.

I must have looked like a mess. I came straight from a very stressful shift. I just wish that crime would take a break just for one night. As a cop, I’ve seen it all, heard it all. The things that people do to their fellowmen is just appalling.  Take this case that I’m working on right now. A couple of kids found a man sawed in half in the alley way on their way to school. Poor kids, there was blood everywhere. The head showed evidence of severe blunt force trauma. His face took a beating and the man’s guts were strewn about. If I was a rookie, I might have vomited. Thank God, I’m not. It turns out the victim, Solomon Anders, was a known asshole.  From his mother to his landlord, no one likes this man. So the suspect pool is deep and wide. It’s as bad as having no suspects at all.

“Tell me again why I became a cop?” I asked. My dad snorted. “I tried to talk you out of it. You wouldn’t listen. You wanted to do your grandfather proud. Family legacy and all that. What is it this time?” I contemplated telling my dad. Instead, I said, “Nah. Don’t worry about it. It’s not important right now. I’m just stressed. That’s all.’ My dad looked at me for a minute before saying, “I worry about you, Theodore.” I nodded, this was not a secret. My grandfather was a good cop. He was a murder cop, which is why I’m a murder cop. My grandfather used to tell me stories about the cases that worked on. I found it exciting at the time. Now, I’m thinking maybe I should’ve been an accountant, instead.

My cellphone rang. I looked at the caller ID. It’s my older brother, Kenny. “Kenny! Where are you? Athena is in labor!” “I’m on my way. You’re in St. Anne’s, right?” Kenny asked. “Yeah. The maternity wing is on the 3^rd floor. Mom and dad are here. Aunt Irma is here too. Hurry up. You might miss it.” I said. Kenny works as an architect. He’s probably in the middle of a big project. But I’m glad he is on his way. It would kill him if he missed this.

“Your brother is on his way?” my dad asked. “Yah. He is on his way.” I answered him. “Good. That would calm your mom now, knowing all her babies are here.” I shrugged. “Hey, by the way, where’s Katrina?” I tensed. My dad noticed. “Come to think of it, I have not seen her in a while. Are you two okay?” he asked. “We’re okay,” was all I said. “Really?” “Leave it alone, dad. Please.” He gave me a look. The same look he’d give me when he knew I was lying. “Fine,” was all he said. “Thank you.”

We sat there in silence for a few minutes. I saw that my mother has finished praying and is now chatting with Aunt Irma. Michael’s parents are also quietly talking to each other. . Athena had gone into labor in the middle of teaching Calculus. Her students are probably traumatized for life. I’m sure I would’ve been. “Kenny, sweetheart! I’m glad you are here.” I heard my mom say. Kenny kissed my mom’s cheek, then greeted Aunt Irma. He sat down next to me and dad. “Hey, dad! How are you feeling? Ready to be a grandpa?” Kenny teased dad. “I thought the baby will call me Popop? It’s hipper,” he said. “Popop? What is the baby going to call mom? Momop? That’s just weird.” Kenny asked, looking at me. I shrugged. Grandpa sounds good to me. I don’t know why dad wants to change it. “Whatever. I don’t want to be called grandpa. I’m too young to be a grandpa. So, Popop it is.” “Fine. Popop it is” Kenny agreed.

A few minutes ticked by, I could feel Kenny’s eyes on me. He’s trying (and failing) to hide it. But my cop sense is tingling. “Something on your mind, dude?” I asked. My dad, who was checking his phone, looked up. “Tricia saw Katrina yesterday.” Tricia is Kenny’s girlfriend. I froze. Oh great. Just what I need. My dad asked, “And?” My dad, the gossip, everybody. Kenny clearly looked uncomfortable. I AM uncomfortable. But as I know this conversation will happen whether I like it or not, I just said, “Go ahead.” He whispered, “Why didn’t you tell us you proposed to Kat?” My dad just went silent. He was so shocked. Katrina and I have been together on and off for 5 years. And for 5 years, my parents, her parents and all of our friends had been teasing and goading us to get married. I laughed it off. I’m not the marrying type. I’ve seen many of my cop friends get divorced because the job always comes first. And I didn’t want to go through that.

“Yeah. I didn’t want to make a big deal about it.” I said, keeping my voice down. “It is a big deal! You never want to get married. EVERYONE knows that. What changed your mind?” Kenny asked. I didn’t want to talk about it, but here we are. “She told me that she may be pregnant.” There was silence. “Let me get this straight, you popped the question because she told you that she MAY be pregnant. She’s not even sure?” Kenny asked, incredulous. I nodded. “What did she say?” my dad asked. “She said she’ll think about it. That was three days ago. I haven’t heard from her. It was very spur of the moment. I didn’t even have a ring. I know she took the test. I don’t know if she’s pregnant or not. I didn’t want to pressure her. So I told her to take her time. So here I am waiting. “Wow!” was all my dad said.  “Do you want to get married? Or do you think you have to marry her because of the baby.” Kenny asked me seriously. I took a moment to answer. “I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. I just blurted it out. And she looked shocked and offended. I don’t even know if I’m ready to be a dad or if she wants to be a mom. I just blurted it out, man.” I said, sighing.

‘What will you do if she says ‘yes’?” my dad asked me. “I have no idea. No idea at all.’ I repeated again. There was silence. My dad spoke seriously, “Being your father is the best thing that happened to me. It’s a big responsibility. The three of you have given me gray hair but the joy you gave me is immense. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. If Katrina is indeed pregnant, just take care of her. Tell her that you will support her, whatever she needs. And if she wants to marry you, then be ready. If she decides not to, then don’t feel bad. Do what is best for both of you. You got that, Theo?” I nodded. “Thanks, dad.” I gave him a hug.

“She’s here! She’s here!” We heard Michael shout.  We all stood up and crowded him. I could see pure joy in his eyes.  He looked so excited answering questions from everyone. There was pride and joy in his voice when he announced her name. “Her name is Grace Catherine Smith. She’s so beautiful. And so tiny. I was so nervous, I didn’t want to hold her, but when the nurse gave her to me, I didn’t want to let her go. And Athena was so brave. I thought she was going to break my fingers. When Grace came out, I thought I might pass out…” I smiled at that. 

Suddenly, I want to know if I will be in Michael’s place in nine months. I walked away from everyone and dialed Katrina’s number. She picked up on the third ring. I took in a deep breath and said,” Hey, how are you?” I listened for a few minutes. I hung up the phone, dazed. I caught my dad’s eye and he came over with Kenny.

“What’s gotten into you? Are you okay? Is this about a case?” Kenny asked. I shook my head. I am shaking, and I could feel tears forming. “She said yes.” I hugged my dad and brother. Suddenly, I think I hate hospitals a little bit less.