My Life with Wally

The room is unfamiliar. I don't know how I got here.

It was 1971, I was a junior in a Catholic high school. I was at a basketball game in the school gymnasium with my girlfriends. I saw this tall, handsome man running down the court with the basketball in his hands ready to make a shot. His hair was long and sweaty. He was good looking, and I immediately said, "who is that?" My friend said that's Walter, his friends call him Wally. Wow he's handsome, and I never thought about Wally again.

Life went on and I never saw Wally until 40 years later at a Thanksgiving party my friend invited me too. I swear I did not want to go but I did. I was at church and very happy, but I left church and kept my commitment to my friend. When I walked into the room; it was unfamiliar to me. How did I get here? I asked myself I don't know these people. I just wanted to go home.

I was introduced to Wally. Oh, I remember him. He was very nice and polite. But let's just say Wally did not look the same. He was 50 pounds overweight and bald. Welcome to my world of dating, I am in my sixties and pickings are slim. We started chatting it up and come to find out we had a few things in common. Neither one of us drank alcohol and our sisters where in the same high school class and cheerleaders together. We had a nice conversation and that was it. We went our separate ways, and we did not exchange phone numbers.

A week goes by, and I decided I want to visit with Wally. Why not? I said. So, I called a friend, got his phone number, called him and made a date for dinner for next week. I called him two days to confirm our date, no answer and no return call. The next day I called him again, left a message to confirm, no answer and no call back. So, I decided to forget it I am not going. The night of our date I get a call from Wally （an hour past our scheduled date time） and he asks me where am I? Are you kidding me? I told him I was home. Why he said? Because you never called me to confirm. He truly did not understand this concept. He flunked dating 101, First red flag, but I continued on, and we made another date. This time we were going to a crab feed. Every woman he met he told them how beautiful they were. He spent most of the night talking to a friends mom ignoring me. Even his friend said to me it looks like you have competition with his 80-year-old mom. What the hell? Finally, it is time to eat, and Wally takes off his jacket and his shirt is on inside out. OMG!

Why did I continue on with this guy? I don't know. He seemed nice, but really? We dated for two years and eloped in Reno. So, my next stories are going to be about my life with Wally. Don't get me wrong, we have had some really fun times together, but life can be challenging as you know.

Our spare bathroom shower was leaking, so Wally tried to fix it and put a hole in the wall. I told him to call a plumber, he found one in the yellow pages. The guy shows up, does what he can and then gives us an outrageous bill. He drove for over an hour to get to our house because Wally called an out-of-town plumber. He didn't look to see where this guy lived. Sixty miles this guy drove to get to our house, and we paid for it, believe me.

Next, we got a new bed for the spare room. The boards for the box springs needed to be cut. Wally cut the wood too long so it had to be cut down. I brought home an electric saw but NO Wally wanted to use his old rusty saw. He put the board on the truck tail gate with one knee on the wood. He was sawing away and getting no where fast. Really? You don't want to use the electric saw. Come on! He finally did.

Wally loves to water the lawn. The lawn was his pride and joy and the only thing he did around here. He would turn the sprinkler on and go back to his recliner and fall asleep. I am an advocate for the environment and wasting water made me upset. One night he left the sprinkler on for so long I went out and turned it off without his knowledge. He woke up from his nap, went out and moves the sprinkler at least 3 times not realizing it was turned off. I laughed so hard.

Wally was trimming the trees one afternoon when I heard a big thud. I looked outside and there he was dangling from the picket fence with his pants ripped and stuck on the fence post. Man, I wish I had taken a picture, but I didn't. I got the scissors and cut his pant leg to get free. He told the neighbors that was his idea to use the scissors. Oh Really? He looked like a daggling participle. Ha, I thought I would throw that in, it sounded funny.

After work one day Wally decided to get gas at a nearby gas station, He needed to go pee, so he left his car unlocked with the key in the ignition. When he came out of the bathroom the car was gone. Someone freaking stole his car in a matter of 5 minutes. Are you serious? Who leaves their car keys in the ignition in this town? It was a company car, so it was easily tracked and recovered. Lucky for him. We spent a lot of time at the bank changing our accounts. Then he lost his wallet on another day, same thing, lots of time at the bank closing and changing accounts. Someone did find it and return it. Another time he lost his keys. Wally never did find those.

Once my girlfriend gave me a fork and made me look through the prongs to see what it looked being in jail. No matter how many times I wanted to ring Wally's neck, I never forgot what jail looked like and I wasn't going there.

It's summer and we have a time share in San Diego. I am really looking forward to getting away. My bags are packed and I'm ready to go until I get the phone call. While I'm at work I get a call from Wally saying he's in the hospital. Wally was golfing, which he does every weekend, and he got his leg caught between a large rock and a golf cart. Apparently, he was too lazy to get out of the cart to pick up his golf ball, so he leaned over and got his leg stuck. His golfing buddies had to lift the golf cart to free his leg and carry Wally to the car. His friend took him to emergency where the doctor put 10 stitches in his leg. It was a horrible sight. Needless to say, we did not go to San Diego.

I'm not telling you these stories to be mean, but by the grace of God we were able to sustain all the B.S. we had to endure in our 14-year marriage. I hope you enjoyed my stories. Signed, Alice，（Mrs. Wally。）