The boy in the snow

Jenna watched out her window as the snow covered everything in sight. It fell lightly with a gust of wind blowing it about every now and again. Jenna didnt perticerly like the snow, though it was a change. She lived in a small town in mississippi where snow never seemed to have much of a chance of falling.

She took a sip out of her ruby red coffee mug as she looked at the time. It was only 8 am and she had been staring out at the snow since before dawn.

Her mind wandered, as she glanced out the window, about a boy. A boy with blonde hair and a little button nose. When he smiled, a white group of teeth shined, with a gap in the front. She thought about how he would run about and throw snow. He would eat snow and the year it was so deep, he would fall, as the snow would come up to his hips. She smiled at first but thoughts of his absence would start to sting at her eyes and tears welled.

She took her attention back out the window. Her neighbors yard was twinkling back threw the hints of sunlight that made it past the clouds. The old couple that lived there hadn't come outside yet but she was sure they would glance out the window atleast every hour when they got tired of sitting in front of the tv watching whatever news show they had settled on.

She veered back into her own yard. The boy was running across the snow just as he was running across her mind. He had been taken from her almost a year ago. Her depression had got the best of her and when CPS was called, he was taken immediately. Her state of mind was rubbish and the house in distress. He was living in a resource home now, and happier than ever. She would talk and visit with him but she was mostly happy he was happy and she couldnt be selfish and take him back, even though she was seeing a therapist and was 100% mentally stable again.

She remembered running with him his very first snow. They were best friends at this time, doing everything together. They only had each other.

She was at odds with whether she should have him back. The case worker told her she was ready and the unsupervised visits had gone well. She felt inferior when it came to the resourse mom. That lady was a saint and what if it was a mistake to take him from her?

She got up and walked to the front door. She opened it and stepped out. She took a big breath in and let it out slowly. What was she going to do? His father wasnt gonna be any help. He wasnt in the picture. Even when he was, he worked outta town and wasnt there. The boy never really had a father. Where he was now, he had a father. He ever called him daddy which made her cry the first time she heard it because it felt like she had lost him right then and there. He was loved by a father and a new mommy who took him to church and taught him how to pray. Jenna was never religious and didnt have a relationship with god. How was she gonna compete?

The snow was falling harder now and she decided to go stand in it. She looked up as it fell in huge flakes like she had never seen before. They touched her face and turned to water as they rolled down her face like tears. She laid down and made a snow angel. One lonely snow angel. Real tears started to well up and roll down her face. She loved that boy more than anything. He was the only thing that had ever been good in her life.

She laid there continuing to cry. Snow started to cover her like everything else outside. She just stared up at the sky watching it fall. It was peaceful though her mind was chaotic.

She made up her mind though it was killing her. It wasnt helping her mind be quiet. The snow started falling slowly again. She sat up and pulled her legs toward her chest, laying her head on her knee. She looked back at the only thing she owned outright which was her home. She had worked on it and renovated it herself. Her therapist felt it was a good idea to steady her mind.

It was the only thing, besides her son that she was proud of. The only thing she had put her heart and soul into.

She had never been very good at anything. She was okay at everything. She was on the Dean's list in college, and worked for the newspaper. She had met his father at that time. He was her weed dealer. He lived in an rv just on the outskirts of town. She ended up spending much of her time with him. He wasnt a usual drug dealer. He had a good heart. He was just poor and sold out of necessity. She had an instant connection with him. She had always wished it would have worked out with him. He had grew up and formed his own construction company. He just was not able to be around for them and it was too hard to stay. She had wanted so hard to call him during the time the boy was gone but her therapist had warned against it in an 'all things must come to and end' speech.

She got back up to her feet and made her way to the stairs that lead back into the house. As she reached the door, she took one last look at the snow covered yard before she turned to go inside to get her phone. She had a phone call to make. A life changing decision. If she was to gonna do this, she had to act fast before she changed her mind. As she dialed the number, she took one more look out the window as the snow stopped falling. She put the phone up to her ear and opened that new chapter.