Lost Love

It was two years ago that I lost my best friend, my lover, my soulmate. I’m ready to talk about it; I think. It started my freshman year when I was fifteen. I wasn’t very outgoing, which made it hard to make friends so I went online. A lot of them turned out to be fakes or just plain creepers; but out of them I met Joshua. He was sixteen and an introvert like me we just clicked. It sounds like some dumb teen movie but that’s what happened we instantly understood each other. We talked for hours a night about games, music, art, school, and the future. It was relaxing to finally have a friend; someone who actually listened to me. We talked all the time during class, at night, we even called during passing periods and on lunch. I usually found a nice place to sit and video-chatted him the whole lunch. When I had a bad day he would try hard to make me laugh, he told me once seeing me happy made him happy.

It was crazy because within a month I considered him my best friend. We told each other everything even when it was bad stuff. He knew about my mental health issues and I knew about his. We called a lot or video chatted, I knew everything about his life. This poor boy, this broken boy had so much going on. I remember one night, he called me crying. All I could hear was screaming; his parents were fighting again. He asked me to stay and sing to him. I did and he finally calmed down and went to sleep, so I hung up. When I woke up I had a missed call and tons of messages so I texted him good afternoon. He replied instantly telling me he missed me and sent a pic of his brand new guitar. It was a Fender! Just like mine. I told him it was awesome and he should get some stickers for his to match mine. He told me of course and that he had to go to his practice room. I told him bye and that I’d miss him. I decided that while he was gone I should practice with my guitar too maybe one day we’d play together!

Every day texting him or calling him made everything so much better. I only hoped one day we could meet and actually hang out. He had told his mother about me and she now had my number. She texted me telling me how glad she was to see her boy so happy again. It had been months and I was falling in love with this broken boy; it scared the hell out of me. It was a different kind of love that I couldn’t explain. The calls and texts kept on until one day we were talking about where we lived. Turns out this whole time he was just one small town away! I always thought he was states away that I would never meet him. Just knowing this made me whole weekend better and more enjoyable. The whole weekend we talked about what schools we went to, our schedules, and lunches. I had finally started making some friends; they were all amazing and hyper all the time. I had friends but that didn’t make Josh less important. I had stopped calling him during lunch which I thought would bother him. He simply stated that he was proud of me for making friends and meeting new people.

Then one Monday May eleventh, I remember. We finally met and it was not at all what I expected. I had watched those videos of besties meeting and they jumped all over each other; not what happened with us. He texted me asking where I usually hung out, I told him behind the gym. He texted back asking if I would go out there during P.E. and call him. I hated P.E. so I agreed. I went to the gym like always and got marked there, then I slipped out the back door. The sun was shining and as I called him I closed my eyes to let it sink in. Until I heard someone walking; I didn’t want to get caught ditching but I kept my eyes closed. Josh hadn’t answered so I hung up and finally looked up. “Holy shit!” was all I could say as I stood there looking at him. “Watch your language. Nice to see you love, you look even more beautiful in person,”he said to me. I jumped up. “Hi Joshy” I said. He smiled and replied, “No hello kiss?” I kissed his cheek and told him to stop being a tease. He pulled me close and held me for a minute, it was the most amazing thing. You’d have to experience it to know what I mean. At first his heart was racing and he was breathing hard; then his breathing slowed and his heart rate calmed. He smelled like Doritos so romantic, I know. 

After that day, I skipped P.E. almost every day to see him. He’d show up in his pickup and we’d go somewhere or we’d stay behind the gym talking. Over time we got more comfortable, I’d run and jump into his arms. We sat and talked; he held my hand a lot like he would never let go. We laughed, cried, and sometimes we just sat there knowing things would get better. Other times he just needed me to hold him, his head in my lap as I played with his long hair. Those days he’d grab my face, bring it close to his, kiss my forehead, and tell me I was his best friend. You know how they say all good things come to an end? Well it’s true, nothing lasts forever. Josh and I were just friends so I thought I was okay to date. I started dating a junior in my guitar class. When I told Josh he was angry but wouldn’t tell me why. When I tried hugging him he pushed me away and red- eyed, he left. I texted and called him wondering what I had done wrong but he didn’t answer. I didn't hear anything until his mother called me crying. He had crashed his truck, but he was okay. She told me where he was and hung up. I went to him, he was at the hospital in town. When I got there I asked where he was and she let me right in, and there he was. Bruised, cut up, and still red-eyed but he was alive. He reached out for my hand and held it whispering " I'm so sorry, I overreacted. I am your best friend no matter what darling. Please forgive me." Tears spilling down my cheeks I replied "Of course Joshy" and climbed into bed with him. I held him until he was smiling and happy. I knew I would always be the one to hold him and help him through the worst, I was his best friend and he was mine.