Resume

Chris looked around the spacious living room. The fire in the fireplace made an orange glow, but the fire seemed dimmer then last year.

"Hey, can you pause the movie?" his wife asked, snapping him out of thought. She got off the big brown couch, and headed into the kitchen. Chris groaned jokingly, and paused "Elf".

"Hot chocolate time!" His five year old daughter,Clarissa, yelled running into the kitchen. Chris watched the pair leave the living room and head into the kitchen. He stared at the giant tree in the living room.

They had just finished decorating the Christmas tree, and now it was time to drink hot chocolate and make cookies for "Santa". His two other kids, Jay and Dylan, sat on a blanket in front of the T.V.

He smiled sadly and looked at the empty black recliner to the right of him. He felt a pain of sadness go down his body.

He had put up the Christmas tree and watched Elf while doing it ever since he could remember. He could recite the movie word for word, yet the movie never got boring, and every Christmas they kept the tradition going.

"Hey, I'm going to use the restroom real quick, I'll be right back." he said, slowly getting off the couch.

"Hey, you okay?" His wife, Anna, said cutting him off. She rubbed his arm gently, and went in for a hug. He gave a tired smile.

"Mommy, hot chocolate!" Clarissa yelled from the kitchen. Anna pulled away from the hug.

"Gotta go make the little rugrat happy." She gave a gave a sympathetic smile and headed toward the kitchen. Chris walked into the restroom, and stared at himself in the mirror. He could feel the memories come flooding back.

He wasn't sure he could do this.

He remembered being that little kid asking for hot chocolate time, and if he could make cookies for "Santa". He remembered his mom sitting in the black recliner laughing, and pausing the movie so they could make it.

This would be the first Christmas without his mom, and he wasn't sure how to feel. Ever since she had passed, it felt like his life was on pause.

He fell down against the wall and started weeping, but covered his mouth so no one would hear. He remembered the time him and his mom had burnt the cookies to a crisp, and he had got angry at her. He had forgotten the whole thing by the next morning, but now the memory was so clear it was like it happened yesterday.

He wished he could take back the anger. All the bad times between him and his mom. The memories were pouring in now, the good and the bad.

The time they had laughed so hard at Elf, hot chocolate was coming out of their noses, making them laugh even harder.

When his mom had finally told him Santa wasn't real, and he didn't know if he could ever trust her again.

He let out a pained laugh.

All the nights she carried him to bed when he had crashed on the couch. All the gifts she had given to him, even though money was tight. Chris could feel the tears falling down his face, going faster and faster. He tucked his head into his knees and cried quietly. He didn't want his kids to hear, they had never seen him cry.

He remembered her sitting in that armchair, and always looking over to him when she laughed.

He had taken everything for granted, never giving much thought to anything.

He knew she was a great mom, but didn't really understand it until she passed away.

All of these thoughts and memories raced through his head, and he started to feel lightheaded. He remembered an old trick his mom had taught him.

"Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth, six seconds each.".

He took deep breathes, trying to calm himself down. He wanted to pretend everything was normal, but doing this tradition would never be the same again.

After a couple of deep breathes, he had finally calmed down. He stayed on the ground, and put his head against the wall with his eyes shut tight.

He leaned his head against the restroom door, and could faintly hear his wife and kids laughing in the kitchen. It was at this moment he realized something.

He got up off the floor, and wiped his eyes. He could hear them singing what sounded like "Jingle Bell Rock", and felt something rise within him. He didn't want to miss a single moment of time with his kids or wife.

He felt a warmth come from inside, and got goosebumps. He looked up at the ceiling.

"I love you mom."

He opened the bathroom door and his kids rushed to him. Clarissa clinged to his leg, and his two boys ran to his side. "The cookies are done!" Jay said, his face messy with chocolate chips.

Chris started walking toward the living room, with Clarissa clinging on to his leg with every step. He lifted his leg high, and dramatically set it down.

"Ahhh!" Clarissa screamed with joy.

"What took you so long, were you going poop?" Dylan asked, making the other two laugh. They got to the living room, their plates of cookies and cups of hot chocolate already in front of the T.V.

Anna walked up to him, handing him a cup of hot chocolate.

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

"I'll go get us a plate, you want chocolate chip, or peanut butter?"

"How about....both."

"I like the way you think." Anna said giving him a smile and a kiss on the forehead.

Chris went to the black recliner, and slowly sat down. This was it, where everything changed.

Chris looked around living room, the fire in the fireplace lighting the room up brightly. He watched his kids eat their cookies and drink their hot chocolate. Jay made Anna laugh, and she spit some hot chocolate onto the blanket.

"Daddy, I spilt hot chocolate."

"It's okay sweetie, I'll clean it up later."

Anna came with a plate of cookies, and they cuddled on the couch.

"Dad, can you play the movie?" Dylan asked, his mouth filled with a chocolate chip cookie.

Time seemed to pause. He saw his kids all laying on the blanket, smiling. He saw his wife, and admired her beauty. From now on he would savor these moments as much as he could. The little and big things. The good and the bad times, he would cherish. He wouldn't let a single moment go to waste.

Chris gave a smile, and hit resume.