Straight from my Heart

This story comes straight from my heart. I find that God is the best author ever, so I hope I do this story justice in its retelling. I’ve adapted a portion of my novel, My Answered Prayer, for this short story.

At seventeen, I was a straight-A student who was very serious about her faith and her education. I felt God was leading me somewhere great, and I still do. Unexpectedly, He led me to help someone I never would have imagined.

As usual, I had my nose in a book on this boring afternoon. I got this feeling someone was staring at me. Peering over the top of my page, I caught the stare of a very attractive yet rebellious and troublesome boy. I couldn’t believe he was looking at me, the quiet girl in the corner. Not wanting to be rude, I waved but pulled my book back to its original position. In doing so, I hoped to distract myself and hide my blushing face.

Though I found I was attracted to this dark-headed lady's man, I decided I was never going to give him the time of day. Cash wore all black and engaged in questionable behavior. He was exactly everything I wanted to avoid, but for some reason, I had caught his eye.

 I didn't understand it. Cash had beautiful girls falling all over him 24/7. Why on earth was he looking at me? I definitely was not like the other girls he hung around, and I wasn't about to be, either.

His crush got to be more and more noticeable as time wore on. Eventually, he broke his silence.

“Hey.” He got my attention from my book.

“Hi.” I cautiously answered.

“I was just wondering… did it hurt?” His eyes were concerned… those dark chocolate eyes.

“Did what hurt?”

"You know, when you fell from Heaven." Cash's charming smile had my heart pounding, but I knew if I led this guy on, things would only get worse.

"Did you just call me the devil?" I asked him seriously. His smile fell, and he looked to the floor. He was both shaken that he hadn't won me over and that he failed to see the fault in his line.

“Ok, you got me,” he admitted and shrugged. I smiled in my victory and returned my nose to my book. However, he wasn’t done yet. “I’ve read that one. It’s pretty good.”

“No, you haven’t.” I knew he was just trying to get to me.

“Yes, I have. The butler turns out to be the thief. I saw it from a mile away.” So… He had read the book and just ruined the ending for me!

“Knowing I was reading this, why would you spoil it for me?”

“Now, you can put the book down and talk to me since you know how it ends.”

“I think I’d rather read it for myself.” I was annoyed now, and this guy wasn’t taking the hint. Separating us with my book, I ended the conversation… I thought.

"Oh, I see what you're doing. You're playing hard to get. Well, I've got news for you," Cash warned and put his hand on my book. He shoved it onto the desk in front of me and put his face directly in front of mine. Our eyes locked. "I always get what I want."

Unwavering, I said with a smile, “Good luck to you because so do I.” I pulled my book from his grip and separated us once again.

“This isn’t over,” he said and walked away. I gave a taunting wave and found myself giggling after he left the room.

He wasn't lying. It was far from over. This sort of banter became our daily routine. He would come up with a killer, sweet line that would make most girls swoon, but I was quick to shut him down. Day in and day out, he tried hard and never seemed to get discouraged. It was almost like a game, and I honestly enjoyed it. I think he started to see that, too. Through this, we oddly became friends.

I don't remember the last one he said to me, but I put my upturned palm over my forehead dramatically and proclaimed that he almost had me with that one. With a giggle, I walked around him as he stood there, stunned.

“THAT’S IT!” He declared, and I turned back to him. “I’ve given you my best material, and you’re still turning me down. What is it going to take to convince you?”

"Honestly, I don't want a line. I know you don't mean a word of it." I shrugged and was real with him for once. "If you truly liked me, coming up with something from your heart wouldn't be hard." I turned to leave once again. However, I couldn't help myself and turned back to him. "Since you like lines so much, I have one for you: When you get tired of a whole lot of girls, and you decide you want a whole lot of woman, look me up.”

His eyes went wide, and he touched his chest. “I think I’m in love.”

I rolled my eyes and left. No one had ever told Cash 'no' before, so I assumed that was the only reason he was crazy about me.

Soon, it was homecoming night. Our boys had just won the football game, and we were all running to the gym for a dance. I was having a great time with my friends and not paying the world any mind. The music was loud and booming, the atmosphere was fun and celebratory, and everyone seemed to be having a great time.

Group dances are some of my favorites, and I really got into this one. I didn't know the steps, but I could follow the beat and my fellow classmates as they rhythmically danced in unison. When I turned to face the opposite way, I found myself face to face with Cash. His eyes went wide with surprise.

“You?”

“You! You just won’t quit, will you?”

“I told you: I get what I want. To be honest, I didn’t know it was you until a second ago.”

“Yeah, your surprise was pretty genuine,” I realized with a giggle and made him chuckle, too.

“I didn’t know you could dance.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, but to be honest, I’m just trying to keep in step. I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“Well, you’re faking it pretty well,” he approved with a smile, “But it’s a little more like this.” Cash got up behind me and guided my movements with his hands on my hips. "There you go." Without realizing it, I had a new dance partner.

We spent the rest of the evening twirling each other around, dancing in sync with each other, and truly loving every moment. Toward the end of the evening, we ended up so close that our foreheads touched, and Cash's chocolate eyes gazed into mine.

 Breathily, he said, “It’s a mistake for anyone to call you a girl. You’re a woman, and that’s sexy. It’s really hard not to kiss you right now.” I was gone. I don’t know if it was the sparkling disco ball, the loud music, or the magical night that got me, but I leaned forward. Before our lips could meet, however, the lights came on, and we both let go of each other.

He said it was to protect our reputations. If people saw us together, they may think that he or I had changed and neither of us wanted that. So, again I assumed that was it.

One day, I came to class and found him in a state that I’d never seen. His eyes were glazed over, he moved funny, and he was not himself at all. He explained what he’d done to himself.

“You’re going to get yourself killed.”

"Nobody cares about me, ok?"

“I DO, and that’s exactly who you’re destroying. How could you?” I couldn’t stop the tears. “I can’t watch you do this to yourself.” I got up and moved to another seat across the room. I watched as our friends funneled in and found him amusing. It was the first time that I put together why he does these things. It makes him feel loved. The many girls. The wild parties. The substances. He was looking for love and coming up empty everywhere he looked.

After that, I didn’t see him for a few days. I thought maybe I finally drove him off, though I didn’t mean to. However, it turned out the opposite was true.

I'll never forget that morning he came to me and locked the door behind him. We were alone in the classroom. His eyes were intense but clear. He moved with purpose, and for the first time around him, I was scared. Arming myself with my pencil, I gripped it at the end of my desk but never took my eyes off him. When he got close, he looked down and noticed my pencil. The smile that crossed his face made me nervous.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” His words and voice comforted me, and I decided to trust him. I let go of the pencil. “Actually, that’s why I don’t want to be friends anymore.”

“What?”

“I tend to hurt the people that mean the most to me, and I don’t ever want to hurt you." His words surprised me, but I stayed silent. "I'm going to tell you something, and afterward, I want you to get as far away from me as possible." He proceeded to tell me some horror stories of things he'd done. I won't tell them to you, but the charges he faced could put him away for life...

I heard every word and didn't speak, but I also watched the tears build and spill from his eyes. I saw a young man who felt sorry for what he'd done but had no way to fix it. I also heard of how his family sent him away instead of getting him help. He was lost and alone.

“I hurt all of them, but I refuse to hurt you. You’re never allowed to cry, and you cried over me… I’m nothing to cry over.”

“I care about you.”

"I know, and that's why you have to go." He was so broken. He trembled at the truth he'd just confessed to me, and it was then that I decided I was going to be the one to help him. "Go," Cash ordered breathily.

I stood from my chair, but instead of leaving, I walked around my desk to embrace him. He stiffened in surprise, but I held him tightly. “I’m not going anywhere. We’ll get through this together.” He hugged me back when the shock wore off, but he couldn’t get over it.

Over the next few months, we became very close. Cash gave up his bad habits, dark clothes, and the girls. He let me into his world, and I let him into mine. We shared so much in common and danced nearly every day. Turns out he was the son of a dance instructor, but he never liked to dance until he danced with me… We shared a love of literature, history, and playing soccer. Being dancing partners, I knew how to read his eyes on the field, and we were unstoppable. We were amazing together, and we both fell head-over-heels for the other.

Through true love from Jesus and me, I watched this hurting boy turn into a happy, healthy young man who started going to church. It blessed my heart so much, and I'd never been happier.

Over time, our relationship matured, and though I felt strongly connected to him, I was surprised when he proposed. It mainly took me off guard because of this conversation:

“I used to think marriage was an outdated concept. I mean, why have just one girl when you can have them all?”

I blinked my eyes as my anger rose. “Well, it’s nice to see where we are going.” I turned away from him, but he tapped my shoulder.

"I said, 'I used' to think that way."

“And now?” My eyebrow arched as I hoped for change.

“I understand that the rest of the girls don’t matter when you find the one that does.” His dark, loving eyes showed his very intent…

A few days later, I was surprised with an important ring and a question that changed our lives. I'd never seen him happier than when I said 'yes' and proudly wore his ring on my finger. We were engaged!

We were sitting together one day when he decided I needed to know something else. “You saved my life.”

“Here you go with the lines again,” I rolled my eyes playfully at him.

“It’s not a line. It’s the truth. You literally saved my life… I was going to kill myself.” I looked into his eyes. There was no play in them. “I was convinced that no one cared at all, and I was seriously just waiting for the day I was strong enough to do it… But then, there was you.” The tears in my eyes threatened to spill over as he continued. “You were different. Every day, I just had to see you one more time. The day you cried over me… I realized I didn’t want to hurt you, so I needed you as far away from me as possible. But you drew even closer… You saved my life. Please don't cry."

“I can’t help it,” I said and embraced him. “Please don’t ever…”

“I won’t.”

“I’ll always care.”

“I know.”

God had brought us together for a reason, but unfortunately, only for a season. We did not get to marry before God called him to be elsewhere. He had a new mission in life… one that was impossible for me to complete with him. Our beautiful relationship brought us exactly what we needed at the time and bettered us both. He has gone on to help others, one person at a time, and I have too, one story at a time. I thank God that I was part of something so beautiful, and I am thankful Cash is ok. God writes the best stories, and I was honored to be part of this one. You never know who you might touch or help without even meaning to, but it could mean all the difference.