What Say You, Little Bird?

He stared at the gleaming metal, trying not to think about the wires running through it and where they connected to. 

“Ok, Kris, take it slowly at first. Just ease your weight onto them and see how it feels.”

Moving at glacial pace, he ever so gently eased his way until he stood on his new legs. Straightening his spine for the first time in what felt like centuries, he suddenly towered above the physical therapist. Much to his surprise and slightly to his chagrin, he hardly wobbled at all.

“Excellent! It seems like you’ll be a natural!” she exclaimed, scribbling furiously on her clipboard.

He did his best not to glare down his nose at her. “I hardly think one can be called a ‘natural’ when they’re a cyborg.”

“Ah,” was all she could say for a moment, turning slightly pink. Then she set the clipboard aside and leaned against the padded bed. “I see you’re still having some… negative thoughts about this. But surely being able to walk again is enough to change your mind, after all these years of struggling to do so?”

She didn’t get a response. Instead, he looked towards the mirror on the opposite wall and took a few steps towards it. It did feel liberating. He’d spent too much time lying in a bed needing his mother to take care of him; something she would never let him forget. But the thought of all the wires running through his head and into his limbs to allow him to move… well, the short of it was that it was mildly horrifying.

“Kris.” He jumped as she laid a hand on his arm. “Tell me what’s going through your mind.”

He had bite his tongue to keep himself from responding with “electricity.” Instead, he studied his reflection in the mirror before answering, taking in the metal that was now his legs and the plating that ran up his arms. What would Maggie have said if he’d looked like this back then? “I just… I think I’m done for the day.”

It looked as though she might argue, but then thought better of it. With a single nod, she unfolded his wheelchair and pushed him through the door.

“Finally,” came his mother’s voice as they went into the lobby. “I thought you’d be in there all day.”

“Our session hardly even lasted a half hour this time, ma’am.”

She didn’t deign to tilt her head to look at his physical therapist. Instead, she glared down at Kris, saying, “And that’s a half hour of my life I’ll never get back. I’m nearing my 70s, as you well know, Kristopher. My time is getting more and more precious. I wish you would stop wasting it.”

He didn’t bother to respond. His mother kept talking as Marcus, his aid, pushed him out the door and towards the car, speaking loudly as though the entire world hung on her every world. “Really, I don’t even understand why you drag me along to these things. It was bad enough having to dote on your every need when you wouldn’t get out of bed, but all these doctors visits have made the whole ordeal even more of a nuisance.”

“I’m so sorry my near-death experience has so badly affected you, Mother,” he said, tone falling completely flat.

“Don’t you be fresh with me. You’re just like your father, you know that? So absorbed in your own problems without bothering to pay attention to how they’re affecting other people. I have a life, you know!”

“I didn’t ask you to come.” He tried to control his voice as it threatened to rise. “I didn’t ask you to move in with me either. You’ve taken all of this upon yourself on your own.”

“How dare you speak to me like that! I gave birth to you, you ungrateful brat!”

“And you act like that was my fault!” he yelled, slamming his fists into the arms of the chair. He could feel Marcus growing more and more uncomfortable.

His mother, as usual, either didn’t notice or didn’t care. “How dare you raise your voice at me!” she shrieked, slamming the back of his head with her pocketbook.

Without thinking, he launched himself out of the chair and rounded on her, leaning over her until their noses could almost touch. “Shut up,” he said. “You have made enough hell in my life. I’m tired of it.”

It only took her a breath to get over the shock of seeing him loom above her again enough for her to throw back, “I cannot believe the disrespect! This must be why Maggie crashed that car. She must not have been able to stand living with you anymore!”

“Ok, that’s enough!” Marcus finally cried, overwhelmed into stepping in. “You a crazy ass bitch and I can’t believe you have the nerve to call yourself a mother. Who the hell talks to their kid like that?”

“You dare speak to me?” Her eyes had grown large enough to clearly show Marcus his reflection. “How dare you question me, when you’re nothing but a lousy ni—”

SMACK!

It took her longer to recover this time, but when she finally looked up from the ground at her son standing above her with his hand still raised, she started screaming. Her wails followed him down the street as he took off running. Marcus called after him, but he didn't think he was following him.

He only made it a few blocks before he had to collapse on a low wall, gasping for breath. That was the first time he’d run in nearly a decade, yet he couldn't enjoy the feeling of the adrenaline in his veins. 

Taking the locket from around his neck, he smoothed the once ornately designed heart. He hadn’t been able to open it since Maggie had given it to him for their anniversary, two days before the crash. Steeling himself, he carefully dug his thumbnail under the tiny clasp and flipped it open.

Inside was a picture of the two of them, his arms wrapping around her from behind to cradle her big belly. She’d been five months pregnant with their twins. The huge grins on their faces were too much for him. Sobs began to wrack through his whole body, though no tears fell. One of the side effects of them implanting all the circuitry in his brain was that he could no longer produce tears. Not that he’d used them at all in the past ten years anyway. But something about today felt different.

Pull yourself together, man, he scolded himself. What would Maggie think if she saw you like this?

She’d probably be a little more stuck on the fact that you’re now almost as much machine as you are human, a voice sneered from the recesses of his mind. She was the one who convinced you to move off the grid to lead a better life amongst nature, wasn’t she? Would she have been able to love a cyborg?

Not that he’d needed much prompting to move into their cabin. He hadn’t used much technology growing up. It was too easy for his mother to look through his stuff or track his phone. Moving off the grid and towards a more sustainable, earth-linked life had been a pretty easy step. Especially when it was for the love of his life.

“I’m sorry, Mags,” he whispered, staring at her impish smile. “I know I let ya down. I just couldn’t keep living like I was. I’m sorry.”

Sighing, he stretched his new legs out in front of him on the sidewalk. The moment he settled, a cardinal swooped down to perch on his toes. Cocking its head, it stared up at him with strangely kind looking eyes.

Barely breathing, he slowly looked back down at the locket. Maggie was wearing a cream sweater with her favorite bird on it. A cardinal.

Choking up, he looked back to the reddish brown bird and whispered, “Mags?”

Though it didn’t answer, a familiar warmth spread across his chest, like gentle hands soothing him. He sat there with the little bird until the sun went down, and when he caught a cab, he would swear he saw it flitting through the trees, following him home.