Project Un: Archive 471

“I’ve condemned a man to a hell before hell, and I feel nothing.” - Captain’s log, R. Gunson, Paradigm Prime

[Date: ERROR unsynced with U.R. Standard]

[Subject:EIU01]

[Bio: REDACTED]

[Vital Status: Stable]

[Species: Unknown]

[Days held: ERROR Exceeds Allowable Input]

[Chamber status: Stable]

[Cam 1: On]

[Mic 1: On]

[Archive LT: Live]

[Designation: Protocol 4_Variant Detainment]

Archive 471 retrieved

Audio file found

Playback initiated.

An idle mind is a dangerous thing. I am no longer a man. I am a beast. Further becoming mindless as eternity stretches before me. I sit in this chamber, this prison, waiting for change. Waiting for a hint of time passing. I hear no noise. These walls give no comfort save for the solace of silence. I can only hear my own voice. My rambling thoughts spilling from my sanity. What is a man to do with such wretched aloneness? Is he to stifle it and force its submission? Is he to rebel against it and strain for connection amidst the void? That endless blackness. The ever stretching darkness with not but dead stars gasping their last breaths as specks to pierce the empty nothingness. 

I have view of it, a damned window into the crevice of meaninglessness. The doorway to cold oblivion painted with remnants of a fallen world. I see it and the shadows of my cell. Those and the abyssal dark of shut eyes. Nothing but darkness, nothing but empty shadow. Can I remember light? Yes. Oh how hellish. I remember that precious thing. Oh light, thou shine definition on us. A blessed shape to nothing. Such an array of vibrancy I long to see. Anything but meaningless nothing-ly-ness of empty darkness. Is it even a color? Is it black? Or must my mind have something to understand such nothing? 

Oh, an idle mind is a dangerous thing. It wanders, it flees this place. It screams to leave this confinement! I have no chains to rattle! Nor bars to shake! Only cuffed in sinew and jailed in bone. My mind rattles my thoughts and shakes strands of sanity. It suffocates within the confines of living mortality! I am claustrophobic within my own flesh! I long to embrace such nothingness! I desire it! To be free of thoughts! To be free of being! The walls of my mind weaken and tremble! [Laughter] Thy sweet sanity, a cognitive candy licked clean of potency. I am free to wander, my love. No gravity to hold me, no manners to restrain me. I am free! 

[Laughter] 

Oh, devils who watch me, I saunter here in Nirvana! I taste the ambrosia of everlasting life! You sustain me in your technology, and gift me the nothingness of isolation. Do you not see I am enlightened? I am elevated beyond your dis-wretched Eve, I have ascended beyond the Gon of machines! I have become more than my muse ever could! My enchanting muse! My anomalyous lover! I need not your lips upon mine to taste the nectar of inhumanity. Only in eternity can one truly find such escape from mortality!

[Laughter]

You cannot hurt me, I know not pain! You are forbidden from me and I feel nothing. I embrace the nothing. Indeed I live in nothing and I am becoming nothing. You intend for me to suffer, but one cannot suffer nothing! Do you not see? Do you not understand? Nothing nothing nothing. You have no more meaning in a world of light and definition than I have in nothing! I remain even in nothing! Nothing at all, and I remain…

To stare at nothing. To stare into the crevice of meaninglessness. I am suspended mere inches away from the doorway to cold oblivion. How long has it been? How long does hell last in eternity? Will I never reach obliteration and clasp hands with nothingness? 

HAS NOT JUDGMENT BEEN PASSED ON ME! CAN I NOT BE RELEASED FROM INSUFFERABLE NOTHINGNESS! NO FOOD! NO REST! NO SIGHT! NO TOUCH! NO TASTE! NO SMELL NOR SOUND SAVE FOR MY OWN BREATH AND VOICE LIMPING AND STUMBLING INTO NOTHING! YET I REMAIN!

If this is immortality, I have never wanted more than now to be mortal. My body sustained, but what of my mind remains? Does man have a soul? And if so, where has mine gone?

Damn these thoughts! This idle mind is a dangerous thing! And with idle hands I strangle possibility. In nothingness, what could have been, what could still be, it swings from a noose of stagnancy. So much is lost. The things I could have accomplished. The dreams that could have been caught. The life that could have been lived. Stifled. Strangled. Surrogated instead by fantasy, well wishing and quandaries. Is this my fate? A perpetual pondering of possibility locked away. Forever to die in complacent idleness intertwined with meaningless timelessness! 

I could have saved you all! I know the missteps and miscalculations. It’s all in my head. All the possibilities of attempts never made. Locked away in nerves within flesh within bone. All in my head. 

It’s all in my head. 

How long does it take for sanity to become insanity? I have been within sanity far less than without it. I am out of sanity, out of space within my mind for any more possibility. Nothing actualized. All the potential fading to incomprehensible memory. Lost to my head. Lost to nothingness and meaninglessness. 

How long is eternity? 

Timeless immortality stagnant in ideals and idleness. Yet I remain.

Alone. 

An idle mind is a dangerous thing. I am no longer a man. I am a beast. Further becoming mindless as eternity stretches before me. I sit in this chamber, this prison, waiting for change. Waiting for a hint of time passing. I hear no noise. These walls give no comfort save for the solace of silence. I can only hear my own voice. My rambling thoughts spilling from my sanity. What is a man to do with such wretched aloneness? Is he to stifle it and force its submission or is he to rebel against it and strain for connection amidst the void?

[File end]