In The Beginning, There Was Only Darkness

In the beginning, there was only darkness. I floated through dark waters, dreaming, blissfully unaware of myself, unbothered by hunger, conflict or pain. The first thing I became aware of was a pulsing. Strange vibrations seemed to come from everywhere around me. I became more concentrated, solid. My body now had borders, and beat with a specific rhythm that needed to be maintained...always. Lest I die.

Though I could still swim in the water, I could no longer live in it. My body rose to the surface and I breathed my first airy breath. I swam for some time. It seemed like a long time, but I never got tired. The water was warm, and gentle. Eventually I came to a patch of land uncovered by water. I lay there resting, marveling at the wonders surrounding me. The dome above me was dark, but it was studded with tiny twinkling lights and also a luminous circle which emitted silver brightness. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen (though, it’s true I hadn’t seen much at that point). I lay there, bathing in moonlight, feeling her infusing me with her essence, and I thought I heard her whispering to me as I fell asleep.

When I awoke, a being stood nearby, staring at me. He was covered in mud and smelled. “Ah, you’re finally up,” he said, giving me a smile I now know lacked sincerity.

“Excellent! God said I shouldn’t be alone, and here you are. Just in time, too. I’m starving.”

“That’s nice,” I said. “Who is God? And why did he say that?”

“God? Oh, don’t worry your pretty little head about that. You’ll hear all about him in time. He’ll be really famous. Well, I mean, you don’t really expect me to be able to make do on my own, do you? I can’t be out, picking pomegranates all day. I need time to collect my thoughts. God has asked me to write his memoirs for him. So, if you could just, get up and prepare some food, now, that’d be great. After you’ve gotten that out of the way, I’ll let you know what’s expected of you” he said, staring at my body.

“I see.” I said. “What’s in it for me?”

“What,” asked the man, flabbergasted. “How dare you question me, you...woe of man...woman”.

“Why shouldn’t I question you,” I asked him, point blank.

“Because...God made me first. In his image. That makes me better than you. Obviously.”

“Okay, well, first of all, there’s no proof you came into existence first...and even if you did, who cares? First doesn’t mean better. Maybe you were a prototype. It certainly seems as if you could do with some improvements. Secondly, I don’t know anything about this God of whom you speak, besides what you have been telling me, so even if he did make you in his image, how do I know that’s a good thing?”

“This isn’t how things are supposed to be at all,” said the man. “You’re not doing yourself any favours, saying all these things to me. All you’re supposed to do is look after me: make sure I get enough to eat, warm me with your body, lie underneath me at night so that I don’t have to be bothered by the hard ground, and agree with everything I say. You’re not supposed to think for yourself or talk back to me. Is that really too much to ask?”

I stared at him in disbelief. “Yes,” I said. “It really is.” I started to walk away, wanting to be anywhere he was not.

He grabbed my wrist. “Wait, you can’t go. I need you,” he said in a pleading tone.

“Well, I don’t need you...nor do I want you. Let go of me,” I said, trying to pull away.

The man’s grip on my wrist tightened, and his face twisted up into a red mask of anger. With his other hand, he struck me across the face.

Stunned, my mind went blank...then I remembered the beautiful silver orb of the night before, and the light which had infused my body as I slept. I felt the brilliant moonlight suffuse my body, spilling out through my eyes and mouth. Out of my back grew two wings.

The man’s grip on my wrist loosened momentarily as he took in my sudden transformation. I took that opportunity to take to the air, leaving him and that place behind me. As I flew away, he shouted after me, “You’ll be sorry! No one will ever want you! I’ll make sure of it.”

***

As I’m sure you may have guessed by now, I have come to be known as Lilith, ‘Adam’s first wife’. For the record, I was never Adam’s wife. Also, for the record, I have never regretted my decision to leave ‘The Garden of Eden’. Certainly, as long as Adam was there, it was far from an idyllic spot. I did return to the garden once, but only to offer my help to a potential ally.

***

I had heard through the grapevine talk that Adam had whined and pleaded until finally he got what he had always wanted: a selfless woman who did exactly as he told her to do. Based on the experience I had had with him, I found it hard to believe this woman was in a good situation, so I decided to go check up on her, vowing to leave her be if she was content or let her know she had my support if she needed help getting out.

Since I was going in undercover, as it was, I decided to take the form of a snake so that Adam wouldn’t recognize me. I easily spotted Eve busily collecting some ripe figs which she placed in a basket hung over her left arm. She was a beautiful creature, but she had sad, doe-like eyes, one of which sported a bruise.

I slithered up into the fig tree she was approaching.

“Hello, lovely,” I hissed, as she came near.

She started at first, becoming pale as milk, but then recovered, and approached me, curious.

“Hello,” she said.

“What lovely figs you’re collecting,” I said, flicking my tongue in and out.

“Yes,” she said. “They’re for my husband and me.”

“I see. And is he a nice man, your husband? Does he treat you well?”

“Hmm...well, he says he does. He says that women need to know their place, and that whatever he does, he does because that’s what God told him to do.”

“I see. And who is this God, of which you speak,” I asked her.

“Well, he is very powerful. He is the one who made all of this…” she said, as she gestured to the trees, the grass, and the earth. Adam says that first God made him out of clay, and then he made me, out of Adam’s rib.”

“Really,” I exclaimed in surprise, “what a strange story! How does Adam know this?”

“Oh, well, he says that God told him.”

“But God didn’t tell you,” I said.

“No, God doesn’t speak to me.”

“Why not?”

“Oh, well, because I’m a woman, silly! God made Adam first, so obviously he’s more important.”

“Is that what you really think?”

“Well, I’m not sure. Adam says I’m not supposed to trouble myself with thinking. He says that only leads to darkness.”

This went on for some time. It became clear to me that, although Eve was unhappy, she had never really questioned her relationship with Adam and had never considered leaving him. This wasn’t surprising considering that she had never known anything else, and indeed, wasn’t even aware of the existence of anything else. Adam was, after all, Eve’s only source of information.

“Eve,” I said, “listen to me. I don’t want to give you any trouble, but I just want you to know that if you ever need help, all you need to do is come to this fig tree, and eat one of these figs. I have imbued them with the knowledge you need to escape this garden, and strike out on your own, if that’s what you want to do. I will be waiting for you, on the other side of the wall.”

Eve looked up at me, unsure, her hair shining brilliantly in the sunlight. “Thank you,” she said. “I’ll keep that in mind.” As I watched her walk off in the direction of the setting sun, I wondered if I would ever see her again.