Alone in the world

I'm Emma I live with 5 sisters, 4 brothers, my grandma, and mom so you see I have a lot of people in my house hold. But I always feel alone even though we moved to New York City the big apple even though I have a lot of family. I still feel alone I use to not feel so alone my twin Mateo was my bestfriend I had told him everything. He use to be the one who I could talk to the one who would hangout with me when no one else did. He would even ditch his friends for me or beg his friends to let me join them don't get me wrong his friends are cool with me but, sometimes they just wanna do guy stuff with Mateo. Then one day when me and Mateo were walking home from school I wasn't watching the road and a car was coming but, Mateo saw the car and just in time he pushed me out of the way. So I didn't get hit when I opened my eyes and had sit up I saw Mateo covered in blood and scratched up from the car and I broke apart and started screaming and crying . The guy didn't stop to see if Mateo was ok he kept on going after I stopped screaming and crying I called 911 and then I called my mother and grandma. When the ambulance came the sirens were glowing blue and red lights and wailing weo weo as the sirens echoed in my head I thought about how it should have been me. After they put him on the streacher and put Mateo in the ambulance the policed questioned what happened. I said me and Mateo were walking home from school and I wasn't paying attention and a car was coming so he pushed me out of the way and instead of me it was Mateo who got hit not me then I told they cop how the driver didn't stop to call 911 or to see if he was ok instead he kept on driving. After I explained to the police the ambulance people asked me if I wanted to go with Mateo so I hopped in the ambulance and held Mateo's hand and prayed that he was ok. I also cried on the way to the hospital when we got there I saw nurses and doctors rush to get Mateo. As they were coming to get him and while I was climbing out of the ambulance that was when I started feeling alone. After they had got him and when I got out of the ambulance was when I saw my family coming rushing into the hospital but, before they got in I yelled Mom! She started running toward me so was my siblings and my dad. When my siblings, mom and dad got to me they asked me what happened and if I was ok and if Mateo was ok when she asked me about Mateo I started crying. My mom had hugged me was trying to calm me after she calmed me we rushed to Mateo's room to see if he was ok. Let me tell you this before we moved to New York City my dad and mom were still together it's been 5 years since my mom and dad divorced. Now let's continue. As were racing to Mateo's hospital room my mom is speaking in spanish and praying that he's alright. When we got there the doctor was inspecting him and the nurses were helping the doctor after the doctor was done inspecting Mateo he said he needs surgery or it might be to late. He told us what surgery he needed and that it was risky. My mom said do the surgery and so they took Mateo to the surgery room. After we got to the waiting area of the surgical room we sat and waited for hours. After hours of waiting the doctor came and said it went successfully and after we heard the news we rejoiced and celebrated but, they said he had to stay for a while. A few hours later we heard beeping we didn't know what it was so we were trying to call a doctor or nurse but, we couldn't find one by the time we did. It had been a while so the doctor went in to see what was going on that's when he told me and my family that the implant had failed and other things they had to do for his surgery had failed. When I had heard my bestfriend was gone I collapsed to the floor and cried. That's when I decided to keep to my self and when I started felling alone. It was a couple of months since Mateo has died and that's when my dad started drinking and blaming me for Mateo's death. Then it started to get bad with my dad at first my mom was scared of him but, then she started to learn how to protect her self so after she learned how to protect her self she decided to divorced him. A couple years and some months after my mom and dad had divorced my mom was struggling so my my grandma offered for us to live with her. Instead of saying yes she wanted to be strong and independent so she said no even though she was struggling. After that my grandma would offer for us to live with her and after a while of saying no she finally said yes. Now it has been a couple weeks since we have moved in I still hold up my wall and feel alone even in the big apple but I don't feel so alone as I did with my family. I still miss Mateo and dad even though he wasn't exactly a good dad when I was 11. When I think of Mateo I like to remember the good things but, then I remember that day and it still hits me hard but, I'm getting better at accepting that he's in a better place. Even though I think I'm alone with my family and when I'm in a crowd or in the city I think about what Mateo loves and his favorite things to do and do them and it makes me happy and feel closer to him.