The Bloody Knife

TW: murder, suicide

Have you ever thought of killing someone you love? You may say “NO”. Beware, because your response may change with what comes next - What if that one kill would give you sole possession over them, not physically but mentally, at least that would prevent others from devouring them.

I am Ana, today I stand here with this bloody knife doused in blood. My hands shake when I think of him and that stranger. And my soul cringes with the thought of them being together.

It all started eleven months back. As usual, I returned from office and after ten minutes my husband followed suit. Being habitually bound, I unbutton his sweaty shirt and unbuckled his pants to be dumped in the washing machine, and I tossed a fresh pair of t-shirt and boxers towards him.

As a child, I always noticed that my father remained disappointed with the way my mother handled their relation. That’s why he could never cheer himself up. And since childhood itself, I firmly decided to monitor my conduct as a wife. So, I took care of John. I basically treated him like a child. Every small thing which I could do for him, I did that. Perhaps, that made him take me for granted, and gradually, he became comfortable with this thought.

That day, while I was packing washing machine with clothes, I noticed that his shirt reeked of a distinct smell – vanilla eau de toilette. Certainly, it did not belong to my vanity. I sniffed harder so that could prove myself wrong, and tried to trick my mind into believing that it was mine. But I am not the one who likes sweet smell, I love lemony hints in my perfumes.

Anyways, I knew, I could not bite his head off over one insignificant evidence. But then, I had noticed other issues related to his behavior which corroborated that he was being unfaithful. he stopped giving me good-morning kisses, and hardly called me during the day. Earlier, I used to receive messages from him after every second. We dinned together and he never forgot to take at least one day off in a week, so that we could spend quality time together. Now, things had turned from bitter to worse, he tried harder to stay at office. And, he started to drop one liner text messages to my unattended calls – “I am in a meeting”. What I should have had called this? – A reply from a busy man!

A man is a selfish being, he is never too busy for the things he loves. This proves, that now, his love had changed its direction, perhaps, something else had caught his attention.

For months, I tried to put up with this change for I believed that a true lover should not expect anything in return. And I was the true lover in this case and should not had expected anything.

As a good wife, I took care of his feelings without asking any question about his adultery. I kept on sharing bed with him, although, many a times I thought of kicking him off. I sulked under the veil of goodness and love, and he enjoyed every bit of my fake ignorance.

John started going on business tours. When he informed me about his first business tour, I went pale, I imagined lots of unnerving things. I asked too many questions, and to every question he presented a common answer – It’s the need of the hour. We don’t ask questions; we just do business. It is a golden opportunity and I have to go. Then one golden opportunity multiplied into many, and I became a lone survivor. Sometimes, he would not return for days.

Since, our communication channel almost wore-off, all I could do was imagine. This imagination took deep dangerous form: sometimes, I imagined him satisfying his corporal desires under the guise of business meetings, and sometimes, my mind projected a scene of him bathing in a swimming pool of a five-star hotel with five other fancy young girls.

My overthinking brain played games with me, it kept me awake at night and laid-out obscene scenes of husband with a strange woman.

“She must be pretty and enchanting. Why would he pay attention to an old hag like me, when he could easily feast on a young blood. Human desires are not bound with the time they spend with someone,” my mind whispered to my over sensitive ears.

Then came a stage when I decided to take revenge. I decided to kill his mistress and him to get a sole possession of his soul.

So, the next time when he planned on taking a business tour, I followed him. I followed him to a five -star hotel – just as I imagined, a five-star hotel. His sharp eyes rolled through the entire entrance hallway of the hotel, as if trying to spot someone familiar.

He was told his room no. by the receptionist. Without wasting a second, I got my key-card and tip toed behind him. He turned back multiple times to check if someone was following him, but then I was also being clever. I was wrapped in different attire from head to toe, even my own mother could not recognize me.

He entered in a lift and I took the stairs. I went upstairs with skyrocketing speed, and paused at every floor before the lift managed to cross it. Finally, he stopped on 6^th floor, I was panting like anything. I hid behind a big pillar and observed him from distance.

A scintillating smile infused all over his face the moment he took the key-card out of his pocket. And before he could use it to open the door, someone else did it for him, someone who was already present in the room. He smiled coyly at that person. That must be his mistress, my mind presented me the hint.

Earlier, I used to think that he would come around. But now that I had seen him in this state, it was clear that there was no possibility of homecoming.

I wanted to kill both of them that instant only, but I thought better of it. I laid a cunning plan and went to my room with turbulence in my mind.

Next morning, I woke up at 4 am. That was the only way to stay ahead of him. I dressed up at around 5 am and stood right there – behind the pillar.

I waited for him to come out with that courtesan. I was getting tired. For at least three hours, he did not come out of that room. Suddenly, someone unlocked the door. It was him.

He was laughing and talking. And he was calling someone’s name, but that someone was too reluctant to show herself. He told her that she was looking pretty and she did not have to think about her dress. My heart was pounding. I was scared. I do not want to see her, I said to myself, my eyes would burn.

Then, finally, he stretched out his arm and pulled her out of the room.

What!

I could not unsee what I saw next. It was a man. And both of them kissed each other.

The pain that I felt now was strange. Now, I did not hate him for being unfaith but for being a liar. For 10 years, he lied to me. he showed the love that never existed.

I evacuated that placed immediately and came straight to my room. I took out a knife from my purse and held it in my hands. I admired its sharp edges, which would take only few seconds to make a nice deep cut on someone’s flesh.

Did I still want to kill him? NO. I did not kill him because I never wanted anyone that was never mine, because that someone was always an alien to me. And my soul would vomit that alien.

I held the knife firmly and put a deep cut on my wrist. Within seconds, a pool of blood congealed at the floor.

I am counting last few minutes of my life, and my mind is bursting with bizarre thoughts - I think that I should have asked him for justification. I could have given a fresh start to my life.

Ohh, God!! What did I do!

I am trying to reach out for the landline, but it is way too far away from where I am lying right now. I can not even manage to make a loud cry for help.

Now, I wish for only one thing – I wish someone would come and save me…