bunker 309

It’s been 145 days in counting since I’ve been set free. Bunker 309 was my home for eleven years, I’m glad to be out but I’m still getting used to the real world. It is kind of scary out here and I don’t have much experience because all I’ve ever known as the back of my hands are the same four walls. 

I’m twenty-one but I feel like I’m still stuck in my child self not bubbly and all but lost with no sense of direction. I was taken when I was ten, I didn’t know much at the time all I was really worried about was beating my brother to get the remote first. I was never worried about getting kidnapped or not finishing school and being lonely every day of my life for the next eleven years. I lost sense of time in the bunker, I didn’t know when the sunset or when it rose. All I knew was that I was still alive. There were more girls in the bunker but I didn’t really get to talk to them because they wouldn’t stick around too long. They were also much older I remember them all being so beautiful, lean, and tall. I always felt like the odd one out; I was short and a little on the souter side; 

I sometimes share the same feelings and ever so so often I break. And I feel just like I used to all alone. That was probably what I hated the most about the bunker, the loneliness. It was always so quiet. My company was the sound of my heartbeat and my breathing. 

“Hey, watcha doin’?’ said my coworker. My brows furrowed and my face made a weird gesture, I didn’t know how to answer. “Nothing,” I managed to peep out. Good lord my communication skills are horrible. ‘Doesn’t seem like it,” he said as he planted his finger on my open journal. Lately, I have been writing in a journal my mom says it might help me. I shut my journal, as I don’t like exposing the things I write. Since most of them are just my thoughts and what I think of through most of the day. I nodded nothing to him. “You don’t talk much do you?’ he stated, managing to bring out a tiny smile. “Well since you don’t seem to talk much,” he pushed me back with his finger a bit. “I’ll start by introducing myself, I’m Abner, and you are?” he attempted to begin a conversation. I smiled a bit “I’m  Iman, Iman Rel,’. His eyes widened a bit and he seemed to be mouthing out my name as if he were trying to remember something. “ I’ve heard your name somewhere,” I stared at him with a confused smile. His face lit up” right I remember now, I was watching the news like almost five months ago of this girl who they took out of a hidden bunker or something like that I don’t really remember but I thought her name was interesting,”. “I was on the news?” I murmured. “It’s you?” he said. I was in a sort of confliction because I don’t think I’ve really told anyone “Umm yeah,”. 

After that, I went home. I didn’t do much, as if I had anything to do. I spent so many years in isolation that I didn’t explore the things around me. I didn’t get the opportunity to live the life normal people got. That could explain why my communication skills are so wack. I don’t know, I guess my perception of people is different since the only people I ever saw for a whole decade did me wrong. It’s just weird. Somehow my thoughts are much clearer than my words are. Practically all I do when I get home is sit in bed and wander off.I live with my mom and I don’t really help her out at a home I have tried to but she doesn’t want me to. She relies more on my younger sister. I think she believes I’m grieving in a way or that I don’t really know how to do things. I honestly don’t want to live with my mom anymore, in a sense think she is kind of closed-minded. In a way, I think she still wants to hold on to the memory of me as a child and doesn’t want that memory and perception of me to grow. I guess it’s because the last time I saw her was when I was ten years old. 

I heard a knock on the door. “Mom is calling you to go eat,” said my sister as she opened the door. I wanted to say ok but all I did was nod back at her.

I sat down as my sister began to serve the table. She came to me and put my plate in front of me, she kind of set it down in an aggressive manner, I looked at her and smiled and she gave me back a sort of ugly smile. She hates me I just know it. My mom and sister then sat down. I began to eat and so did they, My mom had cooked soup. 

“So how’s school?” my mom asked my sister. My sister’s eyes dotted to my mom, to me, and then back to my mom. “It’s alright,’ she said as she played her spoon through the soup. I didn’t get to finish school, I missed all of my middle school and high school years. Laila is only seventeen, she still has a bit to go. 

Dinner went by and I didn’t speak a word there were instances where I wanted to but I couldn’t physically get it out. Ever since I came out of the bunker I haven’t been able to speak, I know I can, and I know I can form my words, I just can’t seem to let my tongue runoff. I see how Laila and my mom talk to one another and I try to join in but I feel like once my words are about to exit my lips they lose worth and I then find no value and they cease to exist before they are even blown into existence. The murmurs of my mom and sister sat behind my ear, as I was in captivity of my mind.” iman,’ a faint whisper called, I ignored it. I went into a state of mental isolation and blankness, all sound became a blur like words on paper. My sight narrowed in and my eyes lost focus and recognition of sight. My senses came to a halt and all was in the pause of time. Everything seemed to stop reality became unreal and everything lost its value. Time was no more. And then like a bursting bubble I felt my mom’s hand on my arm. Like floosh everything came back to sense. My face turned up to see her staring right at me,  she seemed to be in some sort of panic/ “Are you ok?” she asked. I nodded yes. Ok, she mouthed with a silent sigh and sat back down. I decided to face it and speak” yes ma’am,”. I surprised everyone in the room even myself, My sister’s eyes widened, my mom gave me a warm smile, and I felt satisfied. I decided then to get up and wash my dishes. I rember \that before I was taken I began to do chores around the house. My mom tried to stop me but I insisted and she let me overall I contemplated today as a good day. After all, things seem to be getting better. Maybe I should give Abner the chance to get into my head. Maybe it might not hurt to open the doors of my mind to someone new, it might not be as scary as I thought it would be. 

I walked into work the next day, I hoped to talk to Abner, and right as I walked in I saw him. I don’t know why but the sight of him brought a slight smile to my face. I waved and he did back. I spent the next couple hours working in the back, the manager didn’t put me in the front because since I don’t talk much, how am I going to interact with customers. After a few hours of moving boxes and cleaning in the back, it was time for my lunch break. I sat in the same table I had been sitting in for the past week. And as always I brought out my journal and pen and began to write. My mind babbled onto the paper for a few seconds. I kept looking up and saw no trace of Abner. My heart began to ache a bit, the hope I had was fading bit by bit. And then I felt a hand on my shoulder “hey,”. My smile came back, it was him. He then sat down in front of me. “Here I brought you some food, I see that you don’t really eat,” he said as he placed a plate of food in front of me. “Thanks,” I said in gratitude. I could tell he was trying to figure out the words t say, I know it’s hard to talk to me because I have always been very reserved and don’t know how to talk but it’s never too late to lose my shot at it. Right as he was about to say something I began to talk, a nice grin came to his face. “So, umm what are you doing later this week?’ I asked, to be fair that was kind of bold of me. “Uhh, nothing really,” he said as he was stumped by my question. “Why?” he asked. “I was just wondering, I’m joking I just wanted to break the silence,” I said. “ well your doing good for someone how literally hasn’t spoken a whole good hundred words in the past week,” he said. I chuckled “well I’m just trying to, I decided to you know star again and do things that scare me. so ending that point, Tell me about yourself,”. We talked for a good twenty minute, I ate what e brought me and it was very good at that. He shared some childhood stories and I did too. He told me some of the things he did and his interests. “What about you?” he questioned. “ what about me ?” I questioned him back. “How was life in the bunker?” I honestly didn’t expect him to ask me that. I didn’t know how to answer back directly I remained silent for a bit. “It was, it was very lonely, I didn’t have anyone to talk to and well yeah I was stuck in the same room for eleven years. Luckily I was one of the only girls that weren’t used as much I was always left alone for some reason and to this day I don’t know why they took me but it is what it is,”  I then gulped. 

I had to go back to work and I left him at the table. I saw a few other people smirked at him. Once Abner got up to go back to his place I heard one of the other guys tell him “I think she likes you,”. “oh shut up dude,” He answered back by lightly punching him on the shoulder. “Yeah whatever,” the other guy said. And well I neither agree nor disagree with that comment. 

Soon enough Abner became my best friend, he helped me suppress things I had locked in my mind that held me from being the person I truly am. I no longer live in the past memory of an old bunker and darkness. Of a place of captiviity and solitude. I now live in solemness and peace. I am no longer enclosed and islolated from the world althoughit is still scary I have somone to guide me through it.