Who’s the Real Baby Daddy of Hellboy?

I met and immediately bonded with Skullduggery (aka Melvin Brown) its obvious how he got that nickname because he was underhanded and he always maliciously acted upon minor things with unscrupulous behavior and trickery. Basically he was a no good human being and he knew it at an early age. Skullduggery is originally a Scots work from the early 18th Century meaning lewd behavior. Skullduggery is merely a corruption of that and the meaning altered to include living life in a dastardly, sneaky, dishonest, low, sly or devious ways. According to The Oxford English Dictionary in the “bible” in such matters the origin of the word (in either form) is Melvin Brown. You’d have to be a pretty foul dude to even allow someone to nickname you that.

Skullduggery and I did detention together all throughout grade school and that’s where we met Amigo number 3 Frothy (aka Chester Livingston Jr.). He got his nickname from smoking unfiltered cigarettes he two at an early age. His vituperative mother said he was about 3 and a half years old when he picked up the nicotine habit. While his scurrilous grandmother would swear in church he was 5 years old when she started noticing her cigarettes were being stolen out of her purse. Frothy was taken by Child Protective Services to a foster home when it was discovered that his baby bottle was always filled with warm Miller beer. He kept coughing up white mucus as a result of smoking cheap cigarettes. That is because when Frothy would inhale the smoke, he also inhale toxins and irritants which irritated his young vocal cords. That led to inflammation as well as associated dryness and swelling. The white phlegm was produced because it was his body’s way to hydrate his parched larynx. Behind his back everyone called him Froggy like that character on the little rascals. The kid with the croaky voice.

My nickname was I.P. (Intellectual Property) aka Baron Leftwich because I was in the category of property that includes intangible creations of the human intellect. Intellectual property rights refer to rights granted to me over the creations of my mind. It gives me the creator exclusive rights over the use of the creation for a designated period of time.

The 3 of us stayed in minor trouble all the way up until the 8^th grade. Skullduggery had ruthlessly and physically outgrown Frothy and me and was now selling crack cocaine in large quantities on the mean streets of Harlem. He was wearing Armani double breasted suits now and had plenty of expensive jewelry.

Frothy and I suspected that he was probably having unprotected sex at 15 years old. Rumor had it that he was shacking up with La-La aka Marilyn Nasby a former prostitute from Queens. She was only 19 going on 44. The streets aged her just as it was now beginning to quickly age Skullduggery.

Frothy spend most of his time in and out of the hospital. For some bizarre reason he just refused to stop smoking even when the doctors told him he just might not make it to 20 years old if he didn’t stop smoking cigarettes and marijuana.

For myself I had patents on about 42 inventions. My latest being an easier way to kill domesticated house broken project roaches when turning on the light bulb at night. I invented a electro sonic impulse signal that would paralyze them when you switched on the lights. I was getting a lot of negative press from my competitor by S. C. Johnson & Son, their brand name being Raid.

The 3 of us still remained relatively close in spite of our different growing interest. That was until Helen of Troy, I mean Helen from the kingdom of hell insisted upon joining our posse. I knew the first day that she rolled up on us she was trouble. Mystical (aka Helen Bateman).

It didn’t take me and Frothy long to figure out why she was called Mystical that being having a spiritual meaning or reality that is neither apparent to the senses nor obvious to the intelligence the mystical meanest of the sacrament. Also involving or having the nature of an individual's direct subjective communion with Satan or ultimate reality the mystical experience of the Inner Light.

Skullduggery had purchased a new convertible ride and I believe that, that was what attracted Mystical more than any of the 3 of us. He was putty in her hands. She removed La-La from her own premises the minute she found out she might have some competition for Skullduggery’s affections and money.

I truly believe that she could have persuaded Frothy to quick smoking if she wanted to instead of making sure he never ran out of a carton of Pall Mall unfiltered cigarettes and a ounce of weed. I had no real mental defense against her as well. She was as beautiful as she was wicked.

In the beginning she tried desperately to divide and conquer us. When that failed miserably and she was close to getting dropped kicked to the curb she switch tactics trying to kill the 3 of us with her devious kindness. It wasn’t long before she was with child. Some how she got Frothy to sign the birth certificate. With my help we were able to get him on disability. She knew that if the father was getting paid by the government. Their child would have income for the rest of the boy’s life.

Skullduggery wasn’t thrilled that his baby’s nickname was Hellboy (aka Alan Livingston). A well-meaning half-Demon (or Cambion) whose true name is Anung Un Rama ("and upon his brow is set a crown of flame"), Hellboy was summoned from Hell to Earth as a baby.

The seed of Chucky doll wasn’t half as scary as Mythical’s son Hellboy. As evil as she was, she was somewhat afraid of Hellboy. For some strange reason he took an instant liking for me as I was practically raising him by myself.

The 3 of them Mystical, Skullduggery and Frothy had no idea how to raise an intelligent demon baby properly.

Time not space seemed to fly by like the speed of sound and Hellboy was now entering Kindergarten. He was to intellectually advance and evil for that grade so they put him in the 4^th grade where he had no trouble showing off his intellect and immoral, wicked, malevolent, sinful, criminal and obnoxious behavior. Hellboy could speak 5 languages at just 2 years of age. I remember when I brought him the entire set of Dr. Seuss books he set them on fire, right after he read every volume. The average person reads approximately 200-300 words per minute, which may sound like a lot of words but compared to most speed readers, it is nothing. Hellboy could read over 15,000 words a minute and write 60 words a minute. If it wasn’t for his evil need to torture animals he just might of turned out to be a normal kid. When he turned 12 the doctors informed me that his brain was growing at a faster rate than normal people. In time his mind would explode from being able to collect and store too much data. I had to cuss one doctor out because I thought he was referring to Hellboy as some kind of AI (artificial Intelligence) computer.

The 4 of us got together to celebrate Frothy’s 21^st birthday. He was as thin as a rail and now using A self-contained breathing apparatus (SCBA), sometimes referred to as a compressed air breathing apparatus (CABA) or simply breathing apparatus (BA), is a device worn by Frothy like people,  rescue workers, firefighters, and others to provide breathable air in an immediately dangerous to life or health atmosphere.

Skullduggery was on his way to prison for a long extended period of time because he killed an DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency) agent. It would only be a matter of time before he was captured or killed. Mythical contracted aids even though she would swear to Satan himself that she never had sex with anyone ever since Hellboy was brought up from hell. You know I believed her. After Frothy could hardly blow out the 21 candles. I gather the three of them around me and said that I have a secret that I must share with them. Mystical tried to stop me, but I was ready to let the proverbial cat out of the bag. The big secret was that I was the real baby daddy of Hellboy!