O Tannenbaum!!

O Tannenbaum!!

“Taking down the Christmas tree makes it feel official: time to get back to joyless and cynical.”

-Greg Fitzsimmons

Marv’s Tree Farm- Endeavor, Wisconsin

Evergreens at all stages of development, from the 3” seedings to the twelve footers, dotted the entire 100 acres. There was a wave of change across the landscape each year as mature trees were cut down and replaced by a new, younger crop. November is always a time of great excitement at a Christmas tree farm.

“Do you think they’ll chop me down and ship me off somewhere this year?”

“Jesus Christ, Woody, you’re only 3” tall. The ornaments would all be bigger than you.”

“He was just asking, Needles. You don’t have to get all snippy about it.”

“Stop defending him, Fern. You’ve got to admit Woody’s branches don’t go all the way up to the ceiling. The guy is annoying.”

“We’ll be here another seven to ten years before we go to the big show, Woody. I know it’s not as glamorous as being decorated and all lit up with smiling children all around, but this place is alright for the time being. And we have each other. We just have to be patient for our time in the limelight.”

“Seven to ten years? Wow, that’s a long time, Fraser.”

News rolls downhill at a tree farm, from the “skyscrapers” ready for harvest down to the seedlings. The taller trees are in a position to see what’s happening, and the word is quickly spread throughout the farm. They see the trucks come and go, and hear the workers speak of their destinations and purpose.

“This tree is perfect. It’ll make some kids happy at Christmas.”

“We sold out by mid-December last year. I’m glad people still want a real Christmas tree.”

“My neighbor keeps his Christmas tree up until the end of January.”

The tall trees got their most telling clue that they would all someday become Christmas trees from reading the big sign next to the highway- “Marv’s Christmas Trees”. Every tree on the farm knew its destiny. They would be the center of attention in living rooms across the country as families celebrated Christmas, the objects of creative makeovers- colorful lights, sparking tinsel, and an array of beautiful ornaments. The best part? Smiling children and their happy families gathered around them on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning.

“Seven to ten years here, bearing all of nature’s elements, rain, snow, wind, the scorching sun, birds’ nests… and excuse the indelicacy, Fern, bird poop… for just a few weeks in the spotlight? Is it worth it, Fraser? It would be like practicing your tennis game for years to play in just one match.”

“Under the lights, Woody. It would be like playing in the French Open, the U.S. Open, the Australian Open, and Wimbledon all at once. I’ve heard the stories passed down by the elders. The Christmas tree is a critical part of the most joyous time of the year. A Christmas tree decorated with all the fixings is one of the most beautiful sights one could imagine. I’m hoping I get red, green, blue, and white twinkling lights. With all the other lights in the room turned off, it sets such a peaceful, relaxing mood as the colors dance across the walls and ceiling. Yes, Woody, it’s worth it.”

They had all heard the stories. Each imagined where they would end up. Most dreamed of a cozy corner in a room with a fireplace, the sweet smell of smoke mixed with their own special fragrance. Opinions varied on the decorations. All wanted lights, many opting for the tiny white ones while others preferred larger multi-colored bulbs. Fern saw herself decked out all in bright blue. Some wanted traditional large bulbs for ornaments while others wanted an array of special figurines gracing their branches- little red wagons, reindeer, penguins, Santas, and bicycles. All save Needles wanted an angel on top. He went with a spotlight shining down on himself.

Woody had a pretty good spot- at the bottom of a gentle slope and near the creek so he got plenty of water. Marv was careful to maintain proper spacing so Woody got plenty of sun. Best of all, he was right next to Fern, and their friendship grew stronger over the years. As seedlings they were planted eight feet apart, and Woody secretly hoped for the day their branches would touch.

“Fern, you’re the prettiest tree on the whole farm.”

It’s hard to blush when you’re all green, but Fern gave it a pretty good effort.

“Oh, Woody, you’re just saying that.”

“No, really, you are. And I love your sense of humor, like how trees get all sappy on Valentine's Day, or the poetree who could write in verse. And your ‘Knock-knock on wood’ jokes are terrific.”

Woody, being the gentleman that he was, left out the part about his interest in her near-perfect shape.

“I’m so glad I’ve been close to you all these years, Woody. Every day you bring a little extra sunshine my way. You will always be my best friend, even after they… well, you know.”

Woody knew. They all knew. Someday the men with the chainsaws would come, and they would all be going their separate ways. The tree farm life is not conducive to emotional attachment.

Leaves from the trees along the highway were falling and riding the wind across Marv’s tree farm. It was year eight for Woody and Fern, and they feared their time was drawing near.

“I think it’s going to be this year, Fern. I’m really going to miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too, Woody.”

They heard the roar of the chainsaws before they saw the men heading in their direction.

“Oh, Woody! They’re coming for us!”

Woody always knew the day would come, but there was no way to prepare for it. Sadly, their branches were only inches apart when the men with the chainsaws arrived. Just one more growing season and Woody would have made contact with the love of his life.

“Stay calm, Fern. It’s going to be ok. Think of where you’ll be… what you’ll be… on Christmas Eve. It’s the highest status any tree could ever attain.”

“I know, but I’ll miss…”

“I wish I could be with you at Christmas. I’m sure you’ll be the most beautiful tree ever.”

“Woody! We won’t be separated yet! I’m sure we’ll go to the same tree lot. We’ll have a few more days together.”

A reprieve, short but sweet.

Bill’s Christmas Tree Lot

Woody and Fern were almost directly across from each other. Needles and Fraser were there too. Night after night people would come and stare at them, brush the snow off their branches, stand them straight, and give them a good shake.

“This is a little embarrassing. I feel like a piece of meat, Woody.”

“I feel the same way, Fern.”

Woody was upset. He didn’t like to see Fern manhandled that way, but there was nothing he could do about it. The one bright spot was seeing the children who helped their moms and dads pick out the perfect tree.

“I hope I go to a home with lots of children, Woody.”

“Same here, Fern. I hear that’s what makes Christmas so special, the children.”

Fraser left the third night. After being packed in tight, poked, and evaluated by rank amateurs night after night, he was happy to be headed to his final purpose. Woody and Fern cherished every last hour they had together, but it was hard to escape the sadness of their looming separation.

“I’m going to miss you so much, Woody.”

“Not as much as I’m going to miss you.”

“Boo-hoo, cry me a river. Why don’t you two love birds knock it off before I puke?”

“What’s the matter with you, Needles? Don’t you have a heart?”

“Not so much, Woody.”

A mom, a dad, and two cute little boys. If it was time to go, this would be the perfect family to spend Christmas with. The family voted, and Fern was the selection. However glorious their role would be this Christmas, it was a terrible moment for Woody and Fern. The words that had been nestled in their branches for years finally came out.

“I love you, Woody!”

“I love you, Fern!”

Needles left with a mom, a dad, and six kids. He complained the entire time he was being loaded onto the truck about how noisy his new home was likely to be. And then there was Woody, alone with his thoughts and memories. He didn’t like it at Bill’s tree lot in the first place with the bright lights and cramped conditions, and now he was alone. And he was fed up with the Christmas tree critics.

“I don’t know. Its backside looks a little bare.”

“Too thin.”

“Too fat.”

“The needles are falling off already,”

Woody’s self-esteem sunk a little bit with every passing day. He spent the time thinking of his days at Marv’s, the fresh air, abundant sunshine, the soothing sounds of the nearby creek, and, of course, Fern. He had no control over anything. He understood his place in life, and he accepted it, but at this time, in this place, it seemed so unfair.

“Are you sure, Susie? This one might look a little small in our rec room.”

“I like it, Daddy. I think it’s perfect. Don’t you think so, Mommy?”

“ I guess it does have character.”

Perfect? Character? Woody felt like a twenty-footer. He would be going home with the cute little red-haired girl missing her two front teeth. Life was good again.

Susie’s House

The rec room was perfect. Woody was placed next to the sliding patio door so he had a good view of the backyard trees and swingset, and he was in a good position to watch the Dad and his friends shoot a little pool. One cute little spruce against the back lot line caught his eye, but his heart belonged to Fern.

Decoration time! Dad did the lights first, and Woody got exactly what he’d hoped for, multi-colored Cool Lights with intermittent flashers. The Mom and Dad went with a nice mix of traditional ornaments and Susie’s artwork. Woody looked like a little piece of heaven as angels were Susie’s favorite. The highlight of the night for Susie was being hoisted up by her Dad to place the angel that Grandma had crocheted years ago at the top of the tree.

Woody wrapped himself up in the warmth of the nearby fire, his colorful lights, and Susie’s smile. After Mom, Dad, and Susie went to bed, a smiling Woody amused himself by playing the tune, “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth” over and over in his head. It was as warm and happy a time as he had imagined.

The month of December was glorious for Woody. During the day he could watch Susie play in the rec room or observe the birds, squirrels, and chipmunks in the backyard. Like all trees, Woody had his weaknesses, and once in a while, he would try to attract the attention of the comely spruce at the fence line. Each time Woody would quickly catch himself as he knew his heart belonged to another.

One day Susie wanted to sing a song for her parents that she learned at school. She brought them in to the rec room, stood before Woody, and sang.

♫“O Christmas Tree, O, Chrismas Tree, how lovely are your branches…”♫

Mom and Dad smiled broadly. Overcome with emotion, Woody darn near fell out of his tree stand. He couldn’t believe someone had written a song dedicated to him, and he had never heard a sound as sweet as Susie’s voice. He only wished the other trees, especially Fern, could have been there to enjoy it with him.

The big event- Christmas Eve. Woody was nervous. He didn’t know why he was nervous as he didn’t have to do a thing. He just had to stand there and look pretty… and look pretty he did!

“My, what a beautiful tree!”… said over and over again by the Grandpas, Grandmas, Aunts, Uncles, cousins, neighbors, and friends who stopped by every Christmas Eve. Woody graciously attributed most of the praise to the decorating artistry of the Dad, the Mom, and Susie, but he hoped he contributed something to the heartwarming accolades.

Woody wondered why the Dad put a plate of cookies and some milk on a table near the fireplace right before he went to bed. Then the first thing the next morning, the Dad came into the rec room and took the cookies and milk away. He had never heard of such a custom back at the tree farm, but Woody didn’t have much time to think about it because it was… 

Christmas morning! The lights went on early for Woody as Susie excitedly raced into the room. The Mom and Dad had been placing beautifully wrapped boxes near Woody’s lowest branches for the past week, and at first, he thought they were some type of offering to pay tribute to him. He quickly understood their real purpose as Susie tore into the presents with shreds of wrapping paper, ribbons, and bows flying everywhere. It was the best thing he had ever seen, and the image of Susie’s happy face was etched deep into his bark forever.

It’s not cold turkey for Christmas trees. They are weened off of the spotlight of celebrity. They are not the center of attention after Christmas, but they are still there. No more decorating, no songs, no compliments, and some nights the lights aren’t even turned on, but they still stand in pleasant surroundings dressed to the nines. Loneliness was setting in for Woody. He could still watch the critters scurrying around in the backyard, and fantasize about the attractive spruce in the backyard, but he was catching only occasional glimpses of Susie… and his memories of the tree farm and Fern were growing more distant.

The final chapter- the Mom, the Dad, and Susie came into the rec room carrying empty boxes. It was time to take down the lights and ornaments. There was talk of this unsettling event back at Marv’s, but no description could have captured the sadness and humiliation Woody felt as his lights and colorful ornaments were removed. He went from the top of the mountain to the deep of the valley in less than an hour.

 Woody lost a little bit of himself every time an ornament was taken off one of his branches. He had experienced the best that could happen to a tree, and now he was alone and stripped bare of all those things that had made him feel special.

And it got worse. The Dad took Woody out of his tree stand the next morning and dragged him outside where he was kicked to the curb… literally. Susie didn’t even say goodbye.

Abandoned and alone, Woody spent the next two days and nights lying on his side, half on the curb and half in the street. Woody was too depressed to even try to think of better days as passing cars would splash slush over his once beautifully adorned branches. On the third day, two men picked Woody up and threw him onto the back of a truck.

The Town Dump

Woody’s branches cushioned his landing after he was unceremoniously tossed from the truck. As he lay there that evening, looking up at stars that seemed to have lost their shine, Woody reflected on it all- the sunny spot near the creek at Marv’s Christmas Tree Farm, the years so close to Fern, on display at Bill’s Christmas Tree Lot, and the wonderful days at Susie’s, all taking him to this inglorious end… the Town Dump. The trees all knew Marv’s would be a seven to ten-year stint. The Town Dump was a life sentence.

Woody tried counting his blessings. He was upwind from the decaying, odorous refuse at the center of the dump, and… well, he couldn’t come up with another one.

Watching the trucks come and go was the only thing Woody could do to occupy his mind. Discarded items of every description were deposited all around Woody- bicycles, basketballs, refrigerators, tables, and chairs. It was late in the day as one last truck made its way along the worn route through the heaps of garbage. Its direction concerned Woody as he feared he’d be buried under a pile of trash, making his life even more miserable than it already was. His worries soared as the truck parked right next to him and the workers began unloading their cargo.

Woody closed his eyes as items of all shapes and sizes started crashing down all around him. Suddenly, amid all the commotion, he heard a sound even more pleasing than Susie’s singing.

“Woody?”

He opened his eyes and the shock darn near sent his needles flying.

“Fern?!”

 Yes! It was his dear, sweet Fern. Her journey had ended the same way and in the same place as Woody’s, proving the miracle of Christmas isn’t just for children.

Oh, one more thing. Their branches were touching.

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