Unfortold

This feeling of unease continues to grow. At first, I recognized it as just a feeling of unwell. It physically manifested in my physical body, seeming affecting nearly every aspect of it. My sleep is disturbed, my whole body flushes hot, my skin feels irritated, my digestion becomes a noticeable issue, my head pounding with pressure as if in a vice. My eyes go from previously uncorrected, to unfocused burning and irritated orbs. My ears ringing, an internal drumming as if the blood pumping through my veins is rushing to my ears.

I've become so introspective, shutting out parts of the outside world. I'm internalizing, I'm mentally examining my relationships. Day to day things that once made up the normalcy of my days, now have become redundant and superficial. I'm beginning to accept that I'm, in fact, not what I seemed to be all along. That life itself is not how I've always perceived it to be.

If I'm honest, I'm realizing that a part of my mind had always been aware of this. A dark secret corner has recognized that I've never looked at things the way others do, I don't react the same, I don't experience the same emotions. The more people I'm around, the more shallow I feel. They drain me, make me feel empty and meaningless.

Although I've always held myself aloof, people have always been drawn to me. People I come into contact with for any length of time, such as a co worker or acquaintances I share space with regularly, seem to gravitate to me. Where this had always provided me with a feeling of acceptance and overall fulfillment, now feels like they are feeding from me. It feels like they are slowly draining me, sucking my life essence from me. Constantly taking from me, leaving me to go off and refuel myself... regenerate. It'd been a continuous vicious circle.

I mentally tick off the things I've always been, on some level of conscientiousness, aware of about myself... my intuitive nature, my strong aversion to drama, my deep sense of being an "old soul", my distaste for western medicine, and not "fitting in" with society as a whole, I note how they've affected my relationships. My dream world is beginning to merge with my conscious daily life.

The voice in my sleep at night continues to grow. It's becoming more and more difficult to separate my state of sleep with my state of awake. I'm feeling more and more out of touch with the people closest to me, my family...my husband, my mother, my sisters. They feel like new beings, babies you might say, whereas I feel like I've lived out many lives in this world.

My dreams and an untapped part of my mind tell me that something is coming, something that I will be a key part of. Awareness is descending on me and life as I've known it here is becoming inconsequential.

I'm transitioning.

The ancient tomes I've been shown are coming to pass. I've been hidden in this world and something inside of me is breaking free. This will draw close to me my true calling as well as evil that wishes to end me and my purpose. My family, my unsuspecting guardians. My husband, my unsuspecting familiar. All protected me by wrapping me in the normalcy of a mundane earthly life.

They are coming for me. A line has been tapped. I was found by evil and it was too strong to fend off in this world. I couldn't see it for what it was until damage had been done. I crawled away bruised and battered, I suffered. The suffering was felt by the evil, they tasted it and recognized me for what I was. Evil is a danger to me and I am a danger to Evil.

They're spoon feeding my soul through my transition. They're guiding me in to spiritual manifestation. The process is slow, but I feel their protection now as I awaken. I feel the light breaking through the discomfort of this physical body as I begin to see more clearly. I taste how full transition will feel, it is all encompassing. It is powerful and it will complete me. There is no closing it out now, no closing the door on it... it's coming.

It's been baby steps in my acceptance, however, time is growing short. Evil found me once, it'll find me again. Now that my strength has been tested, Evil will send a stronger force next time. I've been shown that it won't stop, Evil won't risk what my existence will mean. Destiny will unfold.

I am an enforcer. More, I am a lightkeeper. More, I am an heir. This is a hard pill to swallow. My once unseen, undetected protectors from the other side are becoming palpable. They are eager to begin my training, to expedite my transition. They are becoming forceful in their demands. I will not succumb to petty fears, this is my destiny.

Summer solstice is my deadline. Life as I've know is has been a mere distraction. I must unlearn all I've know. I'm just beginning to come in to my powers, they're dark and dangerous but they're for the greater good. They will be honed and they will be mastered. They will flow through me like life blood, they will glow from me like a beacon. The portal will open and I must journey through.

My purpose has called, I'll take my place and destiny will be fulfilled.