Plus One

Plus One

“How much further is it?” I said, and then chuckled. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to sound like a five-year-old just then.”

She didn’t look away from the road as she answered. “Twelve minutes.”

A weirdly specific answer since she wasn’t using a GPS. An old forest towered over the dirt road we were on. The slash of sky visible above us was diming by the minute.

“Bit late for a wedding, isn’t it?”

She shrugged. I tugged at the cuffs of my dress shirt, trying to make them stick out past the sleeves of the too big suit jacket I’d rented. I’d never met her family before and you want to make a good impression, don’t you? We’d only been dating for two weeks when Lilli invited me to her brother’s wedding, saying she didn’t want to go alone.

The forest finally opened up as the dirt road reached a stone wall. The wall looked ancient, rough-hewn and overgrown. The iron gate looked new though, and there was an intercom set beside it.

Lilli rolled her window down, pushed the button, and spoke. I’m not sure what she said because she spoke in the old tongue, as she called it. Something European with lots consonants. It sounded harsh, like every word was fistful of nails. I wasn’t sure what language it was. Honestly, and this is going to make me sound bad, but me and Lilli hadn’t talked much in the two weeks we’d been dating.

I’d booked a table at a fancy restaurant for our first date. When I got there, she stood outside, smoking a cigar. Her dark hair was cut in a stern line above her shoulders. That perfect angle, not a hair out of place, was like the rest of her. And her dress, well . . . I would’ve said it didn’t leave much to the imagination, but my imagination ran wild when I saw her. Drop-dead gorgeous. She’d stubbed out the cigar when she saw me.

The first words she ever spoke to me were “Want to get out of here?”

Gravel crunched under the car’s tires as we climbed the small hill on which the church sat. If you could call it a church. A church ruin, maybe.

“Lucky it’s not raining,” I said. “That thing’s not even got a roof.”

I would’ve thought we were in the wrong place if not for the dozen or so cars parked in front. Lilli pulled up and we got out. Her family turned and watched silently as we walked toward them. It was Lilli’s family all right, every one of them had her dark her and were almost as beautiful.

“Paul,” I said, sticking out my hand to a man about Lilli’s age. “I’m the plus one.”

He shook my hand and said his name but it must’ve flown straight through my head. Something foreign. There were only twelve of them there, thirteen with Lilli, so I shook with everyone. They all looked to be in their mid-twenties except for one man with greying hair. It hadn’t robbed him of his looks though since he was still a handsome old devil.

“And you must be the father of the groom,” I said.

“I am the groom,” the older man replied.

The way my face heated I must’ve turned beet red in a second.

“Let’s begin,” Lilli said, saving my skin. I mean, how do you recover from that?

The church didn’t have doors and when we got inside, I saw there were no pews either. No priest, no flower arrangements, nothing. To top it off, the cross above the altar must’ve lost a nail or something because it had swung around and hung upside down.

“Am I the only plus one?” I whispered to Lilli. She took my hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

“You’re special,” she said.

We reached the end of the aisle and gathered in a semi-circle. This wedding was certainly unlike any I’d ever been to. It was interesting though, don’t get me wrong, I love learning about other cultures.

The older brother stepped onto the dais. I looked behind us, expecting the bride to come walking up the aisle, but everyone was looking at me.

“Paul,” Lilli said, her hand twirling my tie. “Could you do me a favor? My brother, his bride is sick. She couldn’t come, but the wedding has to take place here.”

“Okay?”

“Could you be her stand in?”

I gave a little laugh but Lilli was dead serious. By the looks of it, so were the rest of her family.

“You want me to marry your brother?”

“Don’t be silly,” Lilli said, her mouth suddenly so close to mine that I could feel her breath on my lips. The heat from her body seemed to pass through both of our clothes and vibrate the air between us. “It is an ancient tradition where I’m from. You want to help, don’t you?”

“I want to help,” I said.

She kissed me hard and then they prepared me for the ceremony. They gave me a black veil which hung down in front of my face making me basically blind. Then all thirteen of them put their hands on me, speaking words in Lilli’s language. If I’m being honest, I felt ridiculous, but I didn’t want to disrespect her culture.

Then they retreated down the dais, leaving me to stand alone opposite her brother. I’ve never felt so awkward in my life but at the same time, I was weirdly honored.

“Paul Anderson of Duluth Minnesota,” her brother said. “We thank you for your sacrifice.”

“Don’t mention it,” I said and Lilli hushed me.

The rest of the ceremony was in their language and it took quite a while. At one point Lilli handed me an ornate knife.

“This is her favorite blade,” she said and pressed it into my hands then instructed me how to hold it. Arms down, blade between me and her brother at crotch level. It was obviously some chastity thing, to symbolize that the bride and groom wouldn’t do it until after they were wed, something like that.

They started to chant then, and the knife became awfully heavy. The chant grew louder and louder. My head started to spin. It got so bad I felt like I was going to throw up. But I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t ruin this moment for Lilli’s brother and his poor sick bride.

It felt like hours had passed when the veil was finally lifted from my eyes. A red glow filled the church. There was a harvest moon in the sky, huge and red. Lilli took the knife and handed it to someone else. The older brother must’ve left because they were all young now.

“Sit,” she said, and I all but collapsed onto the steps of the dais. “You did well.”

She handed me a bottle of blue Gatorade. It was my favorite kind and I was touched that she’d somehow picked this up.

“You will not be able to make children,” Lilli said, then made scissors of her fingers and snipped the air. “Sterile.”

It didn’t really make any sense, but I think that’s what she said. I was bone tired at this point and just nodded in response. She drove us back and I fell asleep in the car. I must’ve walked up the stairs to my apartment and gotten into bed, although I don’t remember it. I’ve got this vague memory of being carried, like when you were little, but it was just me and Lilli. She certainly couldn’t have done it as I’m almost twice her size.

She wasn’t there when I woke up. If not for the rented suit beside my bed, I would’ve thought the entire thing was a fever dream. I never saw her again.