Lost

Julia stumbled through a dark corridor and wondered where she was.  She kept opening doors and then found herself sitting on the porch.  It was a cool summer evening—an almost perfect evening.     Her friend Victoria Strange put some cream in her coffee and looked directly into Julia’s distant blue eyes.

“So are you going to submit to the art contest?”

“No. I missed the deadline.” 

Victoria stirred her coffee.

“Well, there’s always next year.” Victoria had been very busy with her painting, writing, and gardening.   Victoria also played the piano and sang in the church choir. Julie had musical instruments she hadn’t played in years. Julia had been single her entire life. Wayne, the man she loved, passed away because of heart problems. He was so young and had so much potential. Julia had dated other men throughout the years but had difficulty staying in relationships. Sometimes she would lay awake at night and wonder what her children would’ve looked like.  Eighty five years had gone by faster than a sneeze.  Julia could remember events from her younger days more than she could remember recent events. When she was a young woman she went on dates, went to Germany, stayed out all night, and even went to Vegas. After her fiancé died, she stopped dating and occasionally went out with friends. Then days turned into years. 

“Julia, would you like to go to the art exhibit next week?”

Julia played with her napkin. 

“Yes, I would love to go.”   But all art exhibits were the same. Maybe she was missing out on the meaning of art, as so much of it seemed inscrutable.

Victoria raised her eyebrow then looked away.

“You know Sara has asked why you haven’t been coming to game nights anymore. We have all missed you.”

Julia looked down.  Maybe they all thought she was senile.   Julia still went on long walks and had a lot of energy, but it was still a challenge to take a step out the door.  She enjoyed attending events, but getting out of her recliner was the most challenging part.  It was hard to believe that she used to travel widely and do things on the spur of the moment.

Victoria looked at her watch.

“Well, this had been lovely. I hope to see you at the exhibit.”

Julia walked Victoria to her Acura. Julia noticed that her impatiens were not doing well and she couldn’t remember when she last watered the fern. There was so much that needed to be done. Julia waved as Victoria drove away and wondered what Victoria really thought about the garden or the house. Victoria’s place was always immaculate. She and Victoria had been friends for over twenty-five years, but Victoria seemed more distant and her bright  hazel eyes sometimes appeared harsh. Julia walked back into her condo and reminded herself to water the plants. Then she sat down in her gray recliner and looked up at the stained ceiling.  How many times had she called the property management to fix the leaks? There was always something that needed to be repaired.  Sometimes Julia would contemplate picking up the phone for several hours.  She was not comfortable with computers at all, but the idea of speaking to someone was often overwhelming.

Julia saw death everywhere. Every movement was one step closer to the cold tombstone that only a few people would visit

Julia had a stack of books in her office she had not touched. She had too many books in her house that she had never opened. She loved and hated words at the same time. Sometimes the words on the page didn’t make sense and concentration was difficult. She could read an entire book and not remember the names of the characters. 

Julia walked home just before the storm. She sat in her recliner and drifted off to sleep. When she opened her eyes again, she heard a voice telling  her to enter a room at the very end of the dark hall. She was greeted by an elderly woman with large blue eyes. Julia saw a reflection of herself . Then a woman with gorgeous silver hair and blue eyes appeared and showed Julia younger pictures of herself. .

 There were numerous snapshots of her family and cousins. Julia watched the many birthday parties. Julia saw herself wearing a pink prom dress standing next to a tall, handsome young man with blonde hair. They dated for several years than Julia got scared and stopped communicating with him after he left to join the military.

She saw herself sitting in cafes in Germany and Spain. There were snapshots of the Statue of Liberty.  She saw scenes from a couple of romances. One man had lied about his entire existence. Wayne, the man she wanted to marry, died from heart trouble. 

Then she saw herself sitting in the living room. What was she thinking at the time? When did she stop going places and talking to people? When did she stop creating and noticing everything around her?

The last picture showed her sitting by herself glancing at an empty notebook.

“Enough, ”Julia said.

“Now what would you like to do at this moment?”

“Take a trip,” Julia said. “Or maybe run in the cool rain.”

Julia looked around the misty room. “Where am i?”

The woman didn’t answer.

Then Julia saw an infinite galaxy of books. She titles that had the names of everyone she had known, but she could not find her name anywhere. Then she walked among an aisle of empty books.  

“I’ve never been here before,” Julia said.

“Welcome home,” a voice said. This time a man spoke. “I have always been here, and I still love you.”

Julia felt a warm hand.

“Hold my hand. Do not let go.”

Julia couldn’t see, but she had to trust him.

“Where am I going?”

She felt his moist lips against hers. 

“Back to that place where we met a moment ago. In the library parking lot on that summer evening.”

Julia felt like a young woman in love for the first time.  She did not mind the darkness. 

Then she was blinded by an intense light. She reached out, but no one was there.

“I am alone.”

The lady with the large blue eyes walked back inside the room and exited again.

Julia wandered down a mirrored hall.

“Wayne, where have you gone?”

There was another room at the end of the dark hall way. When she opened the door, the light was too intense. She was back in her condo and felt like she was fifty years younger. She looked at herself in the mirror and noticed her wrinkles and gray hair had disappeared. She wondered where she had been. Then Julia saw a picture album she had not noticed before. Julia saw pictures of friends and family members she had cut off. 

“Nothing is ever lost,” appeared on a blank page.   She opened the blinds and thought it was a good day to drive to the mountains. Then she would call her father and her cousins and arrange to meet them somewhere. Julia felt a warm hand leading her out the door.