Where Time Almost Stands Still

Where Time Almost Stands Still

Ok, how do we start this story? We could start it with character descriptions…nah. That’s on you and your imagination. We could write a beautiful description of atmosphere and breathtaking elements…nah, not going to happen. Hmmm, then how…? Fuck it, let’s just go.

Cole Johnson’s Entries:

Day 104:

I went to court today. It was some good, some bad. I was offered 24 years. That’s good. I won’t see Sally or my children for 8,760 days. That’s bad. This is a decision I must absorb. My attorney says it’s the best I will get and advises I take it. I won’t, I did not do anything wrong!

Today is chicken on the bone day, so I’m going to be quick in my documentation of my thoughts to you, world. Phillip will be done working out soon too. This place is so hard but at least I have Sally’s calls to look forward to. World, if you have an ounce of compassion, please forgive me. I did nothing wrong.

As Cole finished his diary entry, he knew it was close to chow time and he had his chicken already sold. It was a different kind of currency behind these walls. Instead of dollars and cents, it was items like soup and peanut butter. Chicken went for 5 soups, which was considered to be very expensive. We will talk about this again.

Day 162:

I talked to Sally today. She’s so amazing. I really miss her caress. Her lustful look, that she always had when she gazed upon me. She had eyes that you could feel deep in your heart. They were inviting. I could see she was deep in thought about me and I could almost reach into them and pull her soul into mine.

We talked about our normal topics at first, bills, her work, our longing for each other. The one thing we never discussed was my crime or my potential sentence. I know what’s coming and she does as well. I told her how much I missed her, we recalled our first date, for the five hundredth time, but it was a story that made us both smile and laugh. These memories were all we had now.

Cole had to get 16 soups, 4 honey buns and 2 bags of Dorito’s together. He had run up a debt, expecting Sally to help him with commissary. This debt was caused by the paper and pen he negotiated for, which was hard to acquire in this place. He wanted to write Sally letters, as well as, his children. Although, there were other ways to earn items when you’re broke, we will not get into that unpleasantness right now. 

Day 315:

I finally acquired a pen! These golf pencils are only good for writing these entries. Not really meant for the long letters I want to write for my children and Sally. Baby momma will no longer let the children take my calls, so getting this pen now was perfect timing! Question is, will the price I paid for it, come back to haunt me?

In here, debt is bad so I don’t know what will happen. I need to sell more Spice, but I have been transferred to the 600 block, which is all Pisa and folks that don’t do drugs. Ugh! It’s always something! I guess I will write my children. It has been over 60 days since we spoke. I really hope their mom reads these letters to my kiddos.

Cole had procured that pen at a great cost. Pretty much all of his commissary, so he had to reach out to others to try and get the funds so he could get more commissary. This was not on his top 10 list of favorite things to do. He would have to call his brother. His mother was just a poor waitress, so his only other option was his brother. 

Cole’s mentality was changing inside those walls. Never before would he even have fathomed begging his brother. He always found a way to get things on his own, now everything was different, he was dependent on help from outside these walls and barbed wire fences.

Day 461: 

I am losing all love, it feels like. All I see is hate, greed and controlled movements. The only thing I have anymore is Sally. She has been sick so much lately, that she has not been able to help much. Our phone calls are spread out now and have become less frequent, due to the financial burdens I bring.

I am contemplating letting her go. We will never make love, touch or even be allowed to see each other face to face given our great distance. She will never be able to afford that trip. Also, no letters from children, I am truly alone. People think they understand this world, but they don’t. Why do I deserve this? What did I do?

Cole was disappearing now. As the world got faster on the outside, in those walls time almost stood still. Everyday on the outside, new cars are bought, birthdays are celebrated, technologies are created, kisses are given and life is moving. In here, the most simple things cease to exist.

Day 936:

As I write to you, world, my soul is disappearing. How will I ever be able to come back into you? My beard is long and I have encountered so many things I never knew one man could do to another. The sound of a man’s last gasp of breath, then he’s gone.

World, I still don’t understand what my crime against you was. Why did I get put in here? What was my crime that was so bad, that you felt all should be taken? The only light left for me is Sally. Her monthly call is enough to keep me from slipping into the dark abyss. She is to call at 6pm. I need to shower to prepare. I know she cannot see me, but I feel she does. She is my love, my life, my soulmate.

Cole went to shower and there was a group of men that was looking to retaliate for something he had no part in, but the fact he was there, was good enough for them. It was a wrong place, wrong time type of deal. 

Day 966:

World, as I write this entry, I can barely see due to the beating I took in the shower. I need your help. I missed my call with Sally. That’s all I could think about as the four men repeatedly stomped my skull. 

I have been in the infirmary and when I get out, I am looking at 60 days in the hole cause I won’t say who jumped me. So, I sit here and write which is all I have anymore. World, you’re the only one who hasn’t abandoned me. Can you hear me? All I need is a small sign to know that at least you are real. You and Sally are all I have. I need you world!

The beating Cole took was severe. It fractured his skull, broke 9 ribs and put him in the infirmary for 30 days. Due to his silence, he was going to be put in isolation for 60 days. In here, someone always has to pay. However, the hole was a lighter sentence than talking. Talking would have meant his life. 

Day 1027:

I’m back. My wounds are better. I’m still sore but I’m better. I will never regain the teeth that I lost. Now, every day when I look into the mirror (reflective film) taped to the wall, I get reminded of that missed phone call. 

I tried all day to call Sally collect, but it was not accepted. She probably found someone else. It’s for the best. She deserves to move past me. I’m only a grim anchor in her life, dragging down her happiness. I guess it’s just us now, world. Please send me some sign so I know you’re really listening. I am so lonely now world. Help me so I do not become the hate that surrounds me all of the time. 

As Cole struggled, all communication with Sally ceased now. He was all alone. He knew now, all control was gone. No word from his children, no nothing. He had only one choice now, to take the plea. He would never be able to prove his innocence. This was his life now.

Day 1643: 

Well, it’s time world, I am taking the plea. 24 years, 8760 days, 210,240 minutes, 12,614,400 seconds. I know now that the world (yes, you) will never forgive me. Even you have to let go of me. Now, it’s only these walls, this disparity. The only thing I have to look forward to is being consumed into this life. I will never admit my guilt in my heart. You, world, have let me go, so I must live only here now and continue to survive. World, goodbye, this will be my last entry. I must kill the Cole Johnson of my previous life and become the Cole Johnson behind the walls.

Years passed, then one day, a greying Cole looked under his mattress to find the journal. He picked it up and began to read. He could only sit and weep as he read words that still had a sliver of hope and moments of joy. It was an emotion that Cole had not felt in a long time. Those feelings of hope, love, ambition and the possibility of a future, were all gone now. He was covered in tattoos, not because they were cool, but because they told his story behind these walls of who he was and what he had done. 

As Cole held that journal and looked into that so called mirror, he didn’t recognize the man looking back at him. It was only a shell of himself. He decided to write in that journal once again.

Day 6142:

Well, world, it’s me again. I’m sure you don’t remember me. I’m the man who killed that family at that intersection on Christmas Eve many years ago. Remember me now? Why did you abandon me world? It has not been easy. I had to kill a man and I have been sentenced to death by lethal injection.

I have tried to write the one child that survived that fateful night long ago. He is older now and I guess has moved on. He will probably never forgive me. He will never be able to hug his sister, mother or father ever again. I will never be able to hold Sally again and it hurts so much. My execution has been scheduled for next Tuesday.

I guess this will be my last entry. World, please let the universe know that I am sorry and hopefully, you can find a cool section of hell for me.

If I could only see my love just one more time, hug my children one last time. I know now that’s not possible. I hope Johnny and Allison have forgiven me and had the life they deserve and are happy.

As Cole prepared to be sent into the universe, a correctional officer came into his cell to give him his last meal. He also handed him a letter. Cole stood, hoping it was a farewell from his children or maybe even Sally. As he looked at the envelope and he was terrified to open it. He had not seen or felt for so long and as he began to open it, the guard told him,

“We found this letter in your property Cole. We do not know why it was overlooked and we all thought you deserved to have it.”

The correctional officer left and as Cole opened it, he noticed it was old like him. It was from Sally. It read,

My Dearest Cole,

I know by the time you read this, I will be gone. It turned out the reason I have been so sick lately, was because of the aggressive cancer inside of me. The doctors have given me only weeks to live. I am so sorry baby. I cannot stop it. I want to tell you how much I love you. I know someday we will be together in the stars. My love, I hope this letter finds you with compassion, not fear. Everything will be ok Cole. Even in death, I will not let go of you. I will always watch over you, my Cole. Please forgive me for leaving you. I love you so much. The doctors are coming. If I am able, I will write you again as soon as possible.

​​​​​Love your soulmate,

​​​​​Sally 

All Cole could do was fall to his knees. She was always with him. He thought he was talking to the world, but it was his Sally all along.