We Won't Give Up!

(Warner enters from right) Good morning America, and welcome to our show: What the Heck is Going On? In this episode, my coworkers and I will be talking about famous inventions! But first, I would like to introduce our special guest. Every please give a warm welcome to Lilly Rhodes!

(Set man taps Warner’s shoulder through the curtain) It’s Lavender Rhodes, not Lilly.

(Warner clears his throat) My apologies, please welcome Lavendar Rhodes. 

(Rhodes enters stage smiling and waving) Hello everyone!

Warner: So, Lavender, please take a seat. (Both sit) Tell us about yourself. Why exactly are you on this show?

Rhodes: Well, you see (Rhodes blows and pops a piece of bubble gum, then chews obnoxiously) my daddy is really rich and he paid for me to get on the show.

(Warner grimaces as Rhodes twirls a piece of her hair while smacking her gum) How wonderful. Why exactly did you want to come on the show?

Rhodes: Actually, I didn’t want to star on this show. I wanted to guest star on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, but apparently, you can only go on if you have a connection with the family. I thought that when I tackled Kim at that fashion show last week we would form a strong bond, but I guess I was wrong.

(Warner twirls a finger behind his back, signaling at the stage crew) Okay, well thanks for joining us, Lavender. That’s all the time we have for our special guest today. (Curtains start to close and audience claps) 

(Behind curtains, Warner still has his microphone turned on) Warner: That was a train wreck. Who said she could guest star? 

Stage member: You did, sir.

Warner: When did I say that?

Stage member: Last night, after your fifth glass of wine, you said that Lavender could make an appearance on the show. Then you threw up the money her father gave you and made snow angels in it.

Warner: How could you let me-

Stage member: Warner, your microphone is still on.

(Loud shrieking feedback and then silence. Fifteen minutes pass by, then the curtains open again. Carlos stands in almost center stage)

Carlos: Sorry for those technical issues everyone. Our stage crew has been working hard to fix them. Anyways, back to our famous inventions. (Starts pacing) Today, we will be discussing the iPhone. (Goes to pull the phone out of pocket, pulls out a calculator instead) The iPhone is- wait a minute, (stops pacing) this isn’t an iPhone. 

(Stage member enters the stage with a phone and takes the calculator) 

Carlos: Thank you. Anyways, the iPhone (starts pacing again) is one of the newest, most popular inventions of the past year. 

Lineman: Decades!

Carlos: I mean decades! It is one of the most popular inventions of the past decades. Its popularity is rising every day. Little did Bill Gates know when he started that little shop in his garage that he would be influencing people all over the world!

Lineman: Steve Jobs, not Bill Gates. 

Carlos: I meant Steve Jobs. Anyway, (spotlight flickers and moves to the other side of the stage. Carlos runs to catch it, then sighs) like I was saying before. Uh…

Lineman: The iPhone’s popularity is raising-

Carlos: Oh right, the iPhone’s popularity is raising all over the world. Samsung is still the most apparent in the Western world- (under breath) wait, I’m in the Western world (louder so the audience can hear) apparent in the Eastern world, but the iPhone is becoming very popular. 

(Loud siren comes from backstage) Carlos: Oh, look at the time! It’s time for a video from our sponsors explaining more about the iPhone. 

(Video starts to play on screen, but only half of it is visible. Stage crew adjusts projector until it is fully visible, then restart the video) 

Warner in the video: Listen, Carlos, we are bankrupt. We lost all our money when you were out gambling in Vegas. We have no more investors and my gram isn’t giving us any more money unless I feature her in an episode. And you know how she is! I can’t stoop down to putting her in an episode!

Carlos in the video: Will we have to shut down the show?

Warner in the video: I don’t know, to be honest. I still have a little money left in my parent’s account that I can nick without them noticing, but it’s not much. 

Carlos in the video: What are we going to do?

Carlos in real life: Wait, this isn’t the right video. 

(Murmurs and gasps run through the audience at the news. Warner runs on stage, knocks into a chair, and face plants) 

Warner: Oof! (Starts to stand up) Listen, everyone, please just listen. Don’t listen to what we said in the video, nothing is wrong. We are going to be just fine.

A random woman in the audience: Are you going to shut down now that you are bankrupt?

Another woman: Did Carlos really lose all the money gambling?

Man in audience: Do you expect us to support your addictions and stealing?

Warner: Don’t listen to what was in the video, listen to me. Yes, we are a little short on money right now. And yes, Carlos might have a little bit of a problem. But we (spotlight moves away from him. Warner runs after it. It continues to sway and Warner tries to follow it, still screaming. People in the audience start murmuring again and stand up to leave.) 

Carlos: Wait, I have a problem? You are the one who used all of Chris Rhodes's money to buy alcohol so you could keep some on set with you!

Warner: Carlos, shut up! 

Carlos: Don’t blame me for all of this. It isn’t my fault! (Audience starts to exit the building) 

Warner: Wait, please stay just a minute. I have an important announcement! (Audience pauses) We will still be shooting and publishing videos for What the Heck is Going On? Don’t worry, we aren’t shutting down. Nothing can make us shut down!

(The audience grumbles and continues to walk out. Suddenly, the spotlight attached to the ceiling falls and lands on the stage. Warner and Carlos fall from the impact, but Warner quickly regains his footing.)

Warner, in a dazed state: We won’t give up. (Warner stumbles and collapses.)