Childhood idyll

*Splash*

The ripples made by the big rock falling into the water had barely disappeared when Valerie took another one and hurled it in as well. She'd come to the river to cool down, maybe skip a few rocks, but the anger living beneath her skin was a living thing. It twisted and turned and tried to claw its way out. Throwing increasingly large rocks into the water at least gave her the satisfaction of seeing its still surface disturbed. A small act of violence rather than the large ones she increasingly wished to carry out.

It was ridiculous. She knew it was. Against all odds she'd gotten exactly what she wanted. She'd spent years getting here. In all those years she'd just never imagined how frustrating the reality of it would be.

She cast around for another rock and found one roughly the size of a man's foot. It took both hands and considerable effort to pick it up and throw it, and then it barely landed half a meter from her. It only served to enrage her further. Before she could've easily lifted it with one hand and skipped it clear to the other edge of the lake. Now it strained her to so much as lift it. She sat down heavily.

She looked down on her hands in disgust. Her perfect, tiny, unscarred hands. All the callouses which stood evidence to her hard work gone.

People talked a good deal about wanting to go back in time. Relive their childhood, right their wrongs, change the future. Yet whenever they talked about the idyll of their childhood, they never remembered how much it sucked to be a kid. The only reason it didn't suck the first time around was only because kids didn't know any better. Being a kid again after having lived a good few decades as an adult, and one who was in commanded at that, was an exercise in frustration for all involved. She was frustrated by being small and weak and having adults dismiss her, the other kids were intimidated by her and the adults were frustrated that she wouldn't be the good, bright girl she'd been before, the one who'd listened to them.

And the worst of it-

'Oh, you're here again.'

The absolute worst of it was that she hadn't come back alone. Somehow she'd brought Ysenbaert back with her.

She glared up at where he was standing next to the weeping willow, staring down at her in all of his 8 years old, 4 feet nothing glory. The sun was even shining down on him, giving him a golden halo, while in contrast she was sure her hair had tangled right back up again into its eternal birds nest aspirations the moment the first drop of water touched it. It had been just shy of unmanageable before she'd gone through puberty and at 12 years old she didn't have much hope of taming it for a long time yet. Both of them couldn't be further away from the adults they'd grown into.

'Go. Away.'

'Nope,' he refused cheerfully, climbing down to the water's edge and sprawling out next to her. 'can't let you get up to any villainy while my back's turned.'

'And what kind of villainy do you imagine I'd be getting up to here?' she asked, impatience heavy in her tone.

'Dunno. I'm guessing you'd planned to come back with your powers intact and are now looking for a way to get them back. Not sure what you'll actually do with them once you've got them, but I suppose I can start by stopping you from getting them back and play it by ear if you succeed and become a little more intimidating.'

Valerie snorted.

'The only thing I didn't count on was bringing you with me. I'll be "getting my powers back" through years of study and training, same way I did it the first time around.'

She'd be able to speed things up this time, but it'd still be a years long slog. Ysenbaert'd better have a lot more patience than she generally gave him credit for if that was going to be his approach.

Ysenbaert looked up at that, surprised.

'You had the Amulet of Bast though. Wasn't that the source of your powers?'

She gave him a poisonous glare

'It may have amplified them, but I would've hardly been in a position to get it if I hadn't been powerful already. And that came from my own hard work, thank you very much.'

Then something occurred to her.

'Are you telling me that the only reason you had any magical powers at all was because you'd found the Blade of Justinus?'

She spoke slowly, her outrage mounting. She'd spent years ploughing her way through dusty old books looking for spells, practising them over and over again until she could cast them effortlessly, training her body to be able to keep up with her spell casting ability. And all this time, his strength, the strength which had let him rival her, had just been handed to him? She knew the world was a dark and unfair place, but seriously.

He grinned, a little ruefully.

'Not exactly. I was already a seasoned knight when I found the place it was hidden and there were many trials in obtaining it. And after I got it, it took a lot of practise to master it. I'm not looking forward to repeating that process.'

She nodded. There might be some justice left in the world after all.

'But back to losing your powers. You knew that, didn't you? You knew it before you came back; it wasn't just a risk you took.'

He'd always been fairly perceptive.

She was silent for a moment. She didn't exactly want to get into this with one of her worst enemies, but who else was she going to talk to? No one else would understand what she'd done, and what she'd given up to come back. And she only had to look around the rock depleted lake shore to know that keeping quiet wasn't a path she was particularly keen on either.

'Yeah, I knew. It seemed worth it at the time.'

'But why? You were winning. You had us backed into a corner.'

'And then what? If I'd won I would've had to take the throne. Tear down the old system and put something new in its place.' She shook her head 'The daily minutia of it would've driven me crazy far quicker than this. I never wanted to rule. It only seemed that there was no other way to keep free, to stay the pyres, than to go to war.'

They were both quiet for some time. Ysenbaert's expression had first gone shocked and then pensive. It seemed she'd managed to smash some presumptions of his. Good. The least he could do was suffer as well.

'So what was your goal then?' he asked quietly.

The one million curat question. She'd certainly been asking herself the same thing for months before coming back into the past. She'd debated it all the while in between mastering the spell and collecting the ingredients she needed for the ritual.

'Looking back, at first, I only wanted to save Markus. Then I wanted to avenge him. Kill those responsible for his death and force the whole system to change. End the witch burnings. But the longer I kept trying to force a change, the worse things get and eventually the only option left was all out war. Now I'll settle for saving him and keeping both of us free. Saving all those who're being sentenced for practising their natural talents.'

Being back in the past certainly put that in perspective. Magic use was far freer here than she could even remember. The libraries still stood proud. No one had yet tried to burn their books.

'Who was Markus?'

Well, in for a dime, in for a curat it seemed.

'He was my fiance. More than that, he was my best friend since we were kids. We learned magic together. He was, is, kind and sweet, and far too much of an optimist. In 8 years he'll be burned as a heretic and a sorcerer.'

She let herself fall back onto the grass, staring up into the sky so she didn't have to see the pity on Ysenbaert's face.

'Now of course he's a thirteen year old boy who doesn't understand why his best friend has been in a bad mood for the past 6 weeks.' she pushed the palms of her hands into her eyes and groaned 'Gods, he's so young. I don't think I'll ever be able to kiss him again. I feel like such a creep.'

That startled a quick burst of laughter out of Ysenbaert and hopefully erased the pity. She'd always hated it when others pitied her, and it would be worse from him still.

'Yeah, I'm not going to start looking for Camilla anytime soon. Best for both of us to remain single for a while, I reckon. The only women I'd be interested in, should go to jail if they reciprocate.'

The humor quickly left his face though.

'If your goal truly was to change things you certainly went about it in the worst possible way. You made yourself the pinnacle of our worst fears, even those of us who support the education of magic, and the persecutions got much worse over it. It was nearly a part time job protecting Camilla from persecution and her powers were near saintly.' He shook his head 'I always imagined you wanted to put yourself on the throne, create an empire of blood and dark magic. If what you truly wanted was change, we might have been allies at heart. The Gods know I've certainly tried to change things from the inside. Only all they had to do is point at you as the example for why we needed cleansing and most people just went along with it. Anytime you put a city to the torch, a hundred pyres were lit.'

That certainly drove in some home truths. Valerie took in a ragged breath and counted to ten before replying.

'So what's your solution then? I wasn't able to change things from the outside and you couldn't do it from the inside either. I certainly don't believe anything will change without an outside threat pushing for it. Even at the worst, they needed to keep training mages to oppose me.'

Ysenbaert chewed his lip pensively. It was something she'd seen him do as an adult as well. It was somewhat disconcerting to see it on his 8 year old face.

'You might be right that a threat was needed, but you were the wrong kind. You amplified everything the worst of them feared. What you'd need is a threat who looks like everything they put on a pedestal, and a saviour straight out of their worst fears. One who wouldn't take no for an answer. One who'd be prepared to refuse to help if they didn't bend.'

She sat up again and stared at him. He couldn't be serious.

'What you're suggesting is that you become the villain. And I the hero. And you think that would be a wise approach?'

'It would certainly be a new one. And look at the bright side.' He gave her a sunny smile. 'If it doesn't work out, you can always bring us back here and we can try something else.

In spite of her doubts, she felt herself warm to the idea. It'd be difficult to keep from slaughtering everyone in the room half the time if she needed to work with the priests and princes, but there was a certain appeal to the idea. She'd be able to yell at them at least, and perhaps orchestrate some quiet disappearances for the worst of them. Still, his confidence didn't assuage all her worries. For one, it'd be useless if he couldn't make himself into a credible threat.

'Will you even be able to wield the Sword for such a purpose?'

He shrugged.

'The sword doesn't have its own concept of justice. It only follows what purposes it's wielder considers just. I won't go around slaying innocents by the dozens, but I can sew a fair bit of chaos I'm sure. Something which can't be ignored.'

Well, it would be worth a try. As he'd said, they could always come back and try another approach if it failed. She held out her hand for him to shake.

'Well then, Ysenbaert, welcome to your villain origin story.'

He took her hand and shook it.

'And you, Valerie, welcome to your humble origins as a great hero.'