Springing in Springing

Springing in Spring (Internal dialogue)

“There she goes, Maria my sunshine, how beautiful she is. Walking during the early sunrise. The warm rays of the sun caressing her face. She looks so peaceful and serene; I just want to absorb her within my soul. I like her to quite a degree. Hopefully if come out of my adventure quest worlds account I can ask her out sometime. She’s wearing candy blue exercise pants and a Miranda colored orange motif top. I am going to go for a walk tomorrow during this time, this time consciously so I can know more about this wonderful being. Taking a walk today wearing a black exercise capri a white T-shirt with half sleeves. Duh got to have some ventilation for this sexy bod of mine. I look nice today. Well’ the park sems extra beautiful this morning, the birds are chirping, the sky is metamorphosing into different colored patterns. Orange, then Purple then and orangish yellow hue that seems to embrace the sky in its grandeur. Here comes the sun!!!Ah the warmth is real. I am rushing down my neighborhood wanting to feel the wind in my hair.” I don’t have a care in the world!!!I feel free!!!!!!WEEEEEE! I am so grateful for this life. My car and a roof over my head

Speaking of home lets go and have breakfast. Man, I am starving. Ladidaaaa!!!off I go. “HI Barry I’ll wave to him so he knows that I’m still his neighbor and pal. Cute guy always smiling. Come weekend his vibe changes completely late-night parties with his friends. Weekend ends I saw him after the party the next day dragging out into his front yard in his robe, shorts and bunny slippers. hahaha funny. What a scene. Trash has come out to throw trash. Might as well chuck himself into the bin as well before the garbage truck arrives. What a laugh! In the kitchen I’m going to prepare some delish pancakes for myself. Vegetable pancakes with grated carrots. potatoes crunchy like a hash brown. Oooh, makes my mouth water just thinking about it. What am I forgetting while grating carrots and potatoes? Next, I am mixing these in flour, salt and milk straining my mind. AH! Maria I was not able to see her today Hope she’s doing well. Truth be told, I forgot about my attachment to Maria, going about my day; Jogging, being one with nature, playing my games and eating healthy. I feel a burden lifted off my shoulders. I’m feeling a new high. I felt like I am expanding. I feel like I have blossomed. Is this what spring is about? I wonder what other talents, skills and abilities lie dormant within me? I am certainly feeling one with myself. I want to list down what I want to do with myself. After breakfast, lets clean my room first, it looks like a caveman’s den, pizza bones and soda cans everywhere. Ooof! I’m exhausted but also lighter in comparison to before and my room looks as cozy as ever. I think the fog in my mind has cleared. Maria thanks for leading me to myself. Imagine if I planned so well for myself and it improved my stalkerish nature, imagine how much I can do for others? And maria if I see you next time by chance I am going to thank you with a smile from ear to ear and you will know of the warmth I spread from  the inside not only based on my outer appearance .

I have realized that I don’t need to be perfect to be happy. It’s always quality over quantity. When I shower all of my love on Maria all at once , you may not feel it .I am going to ask the local grocer , your neighbors , your hairdresser and the local meatman to find out how I can focus my strengths to do what’s relevant to you in the current moment and how I can be of greater support for you in the future. When I find out more about you through these people, I will be able to decide whether I really like you or not. Although if I can be of any service to you I ‘ll be around. Thinking only about my own selfish wants and desires is not something I’ll encourage myself to do. Tomorrow I’ll try to get out more and find out if I can help someone in the community or volunteer in a nearby hospital or well being Centre. Trying to keep busy in community building activities will really satisfy me. Temporarily I felt like I will not be able to live without her. But now I realize that she is a passing fancy and this time will pass through and life will go on. There are plenty of fish in the sea. If I want to find someone to be with, I must be willing to find them while they are looking for me as well. For that I will have to search for myself first in a variety of situations and scenarios.  I am in no such hurry to be in a relationship. Be it becoming someone’s boyfriend or marrying someone. Things will work themselves out in time. I feel God will direct me to them in the right time and the right time during this journey of self-exploration. I don’t want any distractions that could cause me to slow down in my pursuits. I am capable of so much regardless of the presence of maria or any other muse. I am not lost. I found myself. I have decided to put Maria on the backburner and trudge forward with the strength of an army of warriors living within me. Crouching…and waiting to grab and opportunity to build myself. Try and snatch it from me, you will be disappointed I assure you. I have blossomed in Spring and I have turned a new leaf. It seems I have spring cleaned my life. I am ready.