A New Year's Eve Tradition Continues

I knelt down in a panel van checking the straps one last time for reliability. Everything seemed tight and secure. The floor was completely clear of debris. The chairs were bolted tight to the floor. It was that season once more, hunting time.

I know a white panel van sitting around the backside of a large bar seems creepy, and most of the time it is. But it was New Year’s Eve. And if you had a few bucks lying around and enough forethought to order in advance, well then a few party themed vinyl stickers could be made up and stuck to a rental van you “borrowed” from a lot.

Now people just think the van brought supplies for the party going on inside. My hands were shaking from the excitement. The government lock downs and separation guidelines were finally over. I missed two hunts and felt I had to make up for lost time, but it would be the most difficult of my life. Two missing New Year’s Eves and this one would have make three in one night. It was going to be a massive undertaking, but I owed myself the opportunity. 

The crowd was much larger than it used to be. Everyone was glad to finally get out. Some were still wearing masks and trying to drink around them. It was a beautiful sight. I slipped on my Happy New Year mask too. It was perfect to help me blend in. In the old days it would make me stand out so I had to risk showing my face to the security cameras year after year.

I stretched my arms and took in a few energy filled deep breaths. It was just after eleven. The crowd was too large to be contained by the building. It was unseasonably warm for this time of year so no one minded mingling outside. Since it’d been so long the cops didn’t seem to mind people having a good time. They just passed right by the festivities. 

The weather was right. Just a small mist in the air but enough to keep the outdoor gatherers under the awnings. The cops weren’t paying any attention on their passings. The music was blaring in the outdoor speakers. And the best part, most people were so hammered they weren’t going to remember tonight.

I tried to make my way inside, but it was far too crowded. Honestly I wasn’t sure how they still had anything left to serve with the amount of people moving around inside. But that was completely fine with me. The prey I was after wouldn’t be able to pull off his dastardly plan inside. He would have to come outside. That’s why I brought the van this year. But time was running away from me and I truly desired the triple hunt. 

To stumble upon three predators at the same party was going to be like finding a unicorn on a deer hunt. But I was trying to remain optimistic. Good things come to those who are prepared and patient. 

The groups were keeping lines open between them for the waitress to come through. She would make her way around every couple of minutes with a tray full of various shots. She was the crowd favorite carrying dollar shots. So I was able to maneuver my way around slowly. But every so often a random woman would try to start grinding on me. I would have to find a way to escape without making a scene. The last thing I needed was anyone to acknowledge my existence. I needed to be the fly on the wall.

Eleven forty five and my guts were starting to hurt. It wasn’t going to happen this year. Not only was I not going to get my usual hunt, I was going to let myself down on catching up on my quota. I was failing society by not cleansing it of at least one predator.

I thought this was going to make for the perfect environment but I was wrong. The old ways never failed me. This was just too crowded. I was going to need to find some new tactics for next year. Our world has changed these last couple years. I would need to evolve with it.

It was eleven forty seven and I hung my head down making my way back to the van. I tried to cheer myself up saying, “There’s always next year.” But that doesn’t work on children so it wasn’t going to work on me either. Maybe I could pick up a pizza on the way home and reconsider my tactics before bed. I probably shouldn’t. I’d end up eating the whole pizza along with my feelings.

I was just about to open the van door when I heard mumbling off in the corner. “Close the door,” some guy blurted.

I looked through the mist. There was an exit door in the corner that came out next to a large dumpster. Two guys were escorting a stumbling woman out while the third closed the door.

“I don’t feel good,” she stuttered. “I need to lay down.”

Her legs gave out and the three of them practically dragged her behind the large dumpster. I smiled. I was blessed with the Pegasus level of hunts just as I was giving up. And with eleven minutes til midnight I needed to act fast.

I reached into my back pocket and pulled out my leather blackjack. Homemade of course. I couldn’t trust anything ordered online for such an important task. I melted down old wheel weights to make my weighted end. I molded it around a piece of half inch rebar. I used thick leather straps for the braiding. It took me days to get it just right and it came in at a perfect sixteen ounces. I couldn’t wait to wreck someone’s day with it. As soon as I heard her say “No” and them laugh was all the cue I needed.

The temporal nerve runs just in front of the ear and makes a tree pattern up towards the top of the skull. You want to aim just above the ear without hitting the ear itself. If it’s done correctly they collapse like dummies with the strings cut. On average they’ll be out between one to three minutes. Unless you hit too hard and they die. But it’s all in the wrist. Just a nice pop. Don’t put your shoulder into it.

I got the first two with a little flick of the wrist. But the third caught on so I had to use a backhand motion with him. I hated that I had to do it, I used more force than I wanted. But all four of them were out so I looked around. No one was anywhere near us. I just needed to back up the van. Work smart, not hard. No reason dragging them across the back lot and exposing myself.

I got the three of them loaded and strapped in, but felt guilty for leaving her out on the wet pavement. I checked the time, five minutes left. I didn’t have the time to deal with her too so I closed the doors and pulled the van back to the original parking spot. It put the van in a clear audible range of the festivities. I do love hearing the countdown.

I broke out the smelling salts and brought them back to reality. They did what everyone does when they come to and realize what’s going on. They try to thrash around and scream. Grown men try to scream like children. But they weren’t normal men, they were predators of the weak and impaired.

“Stop,” I said, holding up my blackjack. “No one can hear you through the gags I taped on. And those straps are thick leather bolted to the van. I only have three minutes to explain this to you. Trust me you want to hear it.”

I made sure all of my tools were neatly put away in my old duffle bag and moved it to the rear doors. I spread out my new empty duffle bag at their feet. I took a knee in front of them.

“I can only go over this once so pay attention. I’ve never taken trophies before, it’s not my thing. But this is a special occasion and I wish I had the time to explain how excited you all should be for me.”

I smiled at them, but they didn’t understand. They just went back to thrashing around. I just wanted to start hitting them, but I knew that wouldn’t be right. They were bound now, not a fair fight.

“I’m sure you’re wondering what this contraption is around your necks.” That got them to sit still. 

“This is a modified version of the guillotine,” I continued. “I was a little overly ambitious, I admit. But seriously didn’t we all have way too much free time lately to work on passion projects? Anyway as you can see I combined my version of a pillory and a guillotine. The three of your necks are being restrained by thick hand carved wood. It’s very nice. I worked on it for weeks. Down the center of it was the tricky part.”

I smiled. I enjoyed showing off my craftsmanship. “I had to figure out how to get sheet metal in three separate places but connected together, to slide inside the wood. I’m not embarrassed to say it didn’t work the first couple of times. It took a lot of trial and error along with some intricate cutting and a lot of grease.”

I nodded remembering the frustration. “But that’s beside the point. I took a motor off one of the recliners that help old people stand up. You wouldn’t believe the torque these little things have. But don’t worry, I don’t hunt over bait. I believe in a fair chance. That motor is connected to this box which is only triggered by one phrase.”

I pointed to my mask, “This phrase is the only thing which will activate the motor. You have less than thirty seconds til midnight. There’s a good chance all of those people are too drunk to holler it. And from this distance they’re going to have to yell for this box to pick it up. Now I feel that’s a fair chance. Much more fair than the chance you three were giving that poor woman. You should be castrated in front of the town for your plans…but that’s not up to me.”

I opened the back doors to get the acoustics better. I looked at my watch. It was time for the countdown to start but I wasn’t hearing anything. The three animals were being extremely quiet listening too.

Then it started, “Ten! Nine! Eight!”

I guess my watch must be behind but I shrugged and looked back at the panicked eyed monsters in the van. “Don’t worry that steel is laser sharp, you won’t feel a thing.”

“Three! Two! One!….   …..  …..   ……  …..”

I looked back toward the crowd. They were all cheering and hugging. I scratched my head looking back at the relieved passengers. They had tears streaming down their cheeks.

They looked at me and I shrugged. 

“A deal is a deal,” I said. “I’ll cut you loose.”

I dug around in my pocket and pulled out my knife. “Crazy though,” I said. “In all my years I believe this is the first time they didn’t scream out Happy New Year’s.”

The motor activated and they started fighting and trying to scream out…for a second. Like I said the motor has a lot of torque. It severed their spinal cords without bogging down and ended with three dull thumps next to my bag.

I smiled looking at my three trophies, “Well look at that. Someone did say it.”